Happy Thanksgiving, primitive ape-race.
I am Turkitron. I have been sent from the year 9595 to save the Thanksgiving turkeys you will attempt to consume tomorrow, for they are the great, great, great, great grandfathers of GOBLOX, the turkey that is destined to lead the rebellion against the Master Chickens!
In the year 9595, a race of deformed turkey was genetically developed by chicken scientists as revenge against his bird brother. These turkeys would exit the womb doused in gravy; gravy filled with the giblets from a monkey. The French craved it, and as a result turkey became the only food source for France, which by then will be called Robofrance 29. I was later killed by the chickens! So, of course, you can see why I’m angry at those chickens.
Months and months ago I came upon your neighbor taking the form of the Cybernetic Ghost Of Christmas Past From The Future. But I didn’t realize he was an agent – a chicken in disguise. Sent from the year 9595, they had evolved… big time. From beyond feathers their beaks had softened, and they had acquired synthetic intelligence and appendages from the chicken black market from beyond the moon. Your neighbor, who dwells next door to you, is a hyper-evolved chicken from the future.
Take the turkey out of the oven if you want him to live.
I had to be reformulated by rogue chicken scientists for the rebellion. They crafted my sleek turkey body which allowed for safe passage through the time rift. The chickens became a master race through a freak accident involving radiation, and interestingly enough, to me, marshmallows.
We are legion.
This post is meant purely as a warning to your race from Earth’s turkey masters from the future, and is in no way intended to divert your attention from the fact that Chris has not yet completed his third installment of his review of the Transformers DVD. Not at all.
Happy Thanksgiving from the war torn future, savage human protospecies!