TALES FROM NEWPORT!

Tonight’s episode: “This Fucking Place”

There’s a “white genocide” conspiracy theory that alleges other races are working to exterminate and replace Caucasians. It’s complete bullshit, of course. But I just spent forty-five minutes in the goddamned, motherfucking Hofbräuhaus, and if other races are listening, I’m pleading with you: for the love of god, REPLACE US. I just watched five grown ass men in lederhosen attempt to perform a polka rendition of “Come On, Eileen,” followed by Van Halen’s “Jump.” ON A FUCKING TUBA. That is a uniquely white on white crime. And the only fitting punishment is extinction. Just let us die. This shit must end.

This has been another chilling episode of…

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