Sci-Fi Easter Eggs: The First Basket

Head over to Google and do an image search for sci-fi Easter eggs. Go on, I’ll wait. Disappointing, isn’t it? THIS WILL NOT DO. I’m bringing the sci-fi to the internet’s Easter basket this year. Click the pic to crack open the first ever batch of Sci-Fi Guys Easter Eggs. Thank you, Easter Bunny! Bawk, bawk!

The biggest pain in the ass when making Easter eggs is boiling them. Fill a huge pot, wait an eternity for it to boil, put in the eggs, take a hopeful guess as to whether or not they’re done at any given time, drain them (making sure to get the requisite self-inflicted Easter steam burns), wait for them to dry and cool, and only then do you find that half the shells cracked in the pot. The whole process sucks. So you know how I hard boil eggs? I don’t.

I could color raw eggs I suppose, but half the fun of Easter eggs is cracking them open and eating them. I want edible eggs. So I bake them. Hard boiling eggs is all about getting the white the right consistency. Get it too hot and it gets nasty. And that excess heat will also create ferrous sulfide, that greenish grey crud that forms around the yolk and gives you egg farts. We want to avoid that, so we’ll be careful not to overheat these eggs.

According to people who know a lot more about eggs than I do, egg whites contain about 40 different proteins, each of which firms up at a different temperature. But, culinarily speaking, we’re only interested in two of them: ovotransferrin and ovalbumin. Ovotransferrin is the part of the yolk that binds iron in the cells of the growing chick before it hatches, and ovalbumin, among other things, provides it with nutrition. We want the ovotransferrin to solidify so the white is solid, but not the ovalbumin or the egg will get rubbery. Ovotransferrin hardens at 142°F, and ovalbumin hardens at 184°F, so our target temperature is somewhere in between.

Plastic spoons and pots and pans
Dipping tools and stands
Dye has stained my hands
I’m making egg science… OOH!

I tried 170°F, the lowest my oven goes, but after an hour of baking the whites were still WAY too liquid for my taste. So I bumped it up by ten degrees. They say you can bake these things right on the rack, but I found a deal on 30 medium sized eggs in a cardboard tray, so for the sake of convenience I just left them in that. Of course cardboard is an eggcellent insulator, meaning they’ll take longer to bake. But as long as the temperature stays under 184°F overcooking these things should be theoretically impossible. So I left ’em in there for three hours. When in doubt, I take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

Fuckin’ A.

While the eggs cooled it was time to find a Dippin’ Buddy. You never know what might happen during Easter egg coloring, and its always smart to find a spotter who will have your back. Since this site is sci-fi, and since there is one specific sci-fi character for whom eggs are not only a way of life but a mode of interstellar transportation, communication, and reproduction, the choice of Dippin’ Buddy was clear. It had to be Mork from Ork.

Mork, being far more informed on all matters egg than myself, used the sensors in his advanced Orkan Eggship to ensure that the eggs were cool enough to work with and were properly cooked. He then arranged the eggs according to shell color, diameter, ovoid symmetry and, using his hyperadvanced Eggship computer running the best spreadsheet software available in 1979, cataloged his overall evaluation of the aesthetic and intrinsic ‘egginess’ of each specimen. Then he sat on his head in a chair and pretended to drink through his finger because, of all the different colors you can dye eggs, his favorite is ‘comedy gold.’

I got these kits on very deep clearance. I didn’t pay more than a quarter for any of them, and one of them I very clearly remember buying for 11¢. Hands down the least expensive thing I’ve ever bought for this site. I’ve had them in a box waiting to write this article for at least two years. I kept forgetting about them, then finding them again two weeks after each missed Easter. So last November when I came across them I placed them right by my bed, and I’ve kept them there since so I couldn’t forget them again. Then I piled stuff on them for the last five months until they were buried. And once again forgotten. My memory sucks.

Occasionally a tremor from a passing train or the Moon’s tidal pull on the Earth’s crust will cause just enough vibration to upset one of the dozens of little precariously balanced piles of books, dirty socks, crusty plates, action figures, DVDs, and sundry refuse in my bedroom, sending comingled garbage and forgotten treasures cascading across what little bare floor space I have left. When a pile collapses like this I call it a ‘crapalanche,’ and it was from a very fortuitously timed crapalanche on Good Friday that the egg decorating kits along with Mork and his Eggship revealed themselves. Some people would call this a miracle and praise Jesus or whomever. Those kinds of people have clearly never seen my bedroom. You can’t have seen my bedroom and still believe in miracles. I’m not kidding. I sleep in something very similar to a miniature landfill. It will destroy your notions of benevolent gods. The two things just can’t exist in the same belief system. It’s the kind of mess that breaks faiths.

Before I get into the meat of this article I am going to out myself as a very recently deflowered Easter egg virgin. Until Saturday night I had witnessed Easter eggs being colored and painted, but I’d never actually done it myself. Mork, being sensitive to the needs of a first timer, dressed up for the occasion in his formal Ork wear. Partly, I suspect, because I had made clear my household policy that anyone who wears rainbow suspenders in my home gets castrated, no exceptions. We put on some romantic music – an old Waylon Jennings vinyl followed up by Def Leppard’s Adrenalize – then settled in for a long night of tender, heartwarming eggdippery. Three tablespoons of vinegar, one dye tablet, and half a cup of water later and my Easter egg cherry was good and busted. Shazbot, na-nu!

In case you couldn’t tell from the pic a couple of paragraphs above, I got two Batman kits. These things are fantastic. Not only are the Batman kits loaded with twice as much stuff as any of the others, but they come with printed heat shrink wraps for the eggs. I always considered these sleeves a cheat for people who were too lazy to mix up dye and color eggs properly, but when I said I was an Easter egg virgin I meant it; I hadn’t even used the shrink wraps before. If you’ve been using these and have not yet dipped an egg in dye, you’re still a virgin. Using shrink wraps alone is like a harmonica-style blowjob. It’s just not the real thing. However, like most virgins, I tried to ease myself into the process. I admit it: I used the shrink wraps first. Unlike harmonica style blowjobs, though, the results were surprisingly awesome.

Having never used these before I was startled – literally – by how fast the shrinking took place. Seriously, I jumped. When I dipped these into the hot water the shrink wraps made a loud, rapid popping/crinkling noise and shrank so fast it sucked the egg right out of my hand. It was impressive in a “Holy shit, was that supposed to happen?” kind of way. I never would have imagined that the colors would be so vibrant. Other Easter egg shrink wraps I’ve seen were pretty much complete shit, but it turns out everything PAAS put in the Batman boxes was made out of 100% recycled win. If you’re in the market for egg decorating kits and you see any of these Batman sets, just buy them. No kid in the world is not going to like these.

These two don’t even technically count as colored eggs since all I used were some Sharpies. In my book, colored eggs means dipped in dye. No dip, no dice. But I did cut out paper appendages and broke out the double sided tape, so I think that counts as some form of legit egg decoration. Stop judging me. Get your own website if you don’t like it.

Way back when I first conceived of the sci-fi Easter egg project, I knew the shuttle Tydirium was a shoe in. A few fins and a black windshield and you’re pretty much done. Because I am a huge geek in every sense of the word, back in February I drew up a page full of plain white eggs as a model sheet and then sketched in my ideas as I came up with them. Tydirium was the first thing I drew, followed very closely by EVE.

2021 UPDATE: I couldn’t find my original egg template, so I put together a couple of new ones. Feel free to use them to design your own eggs. Click the pics for the full size images.

Not too long ago, Balthazar and I checked out a bootlegged copy of WALL•E and I absolutely loved it. I don’t know who it was at Pixar that sold their soul to the Devil to get these great writing skills, but it was a hell of a bargain. The rest of Hollywood needs to pay close attention to what they’re doing over there. Those guys consistently make great films in a way that I haven’t seen since John Hughes was on his pre-Home Alone streak. So far, Pixar can do no wrong.

I decided to draw EVE’s eyes slightly angry because some of the funniest parts of the movie were WALL•E’s lovestruck, terrified reactions to EVE’s bursts of intense violence. If I had my way I’d have gloss coated this whole egg to give EVE that shiny new plastic look from the film, but I intended to feed these eggs to people. I don’t know what toxins from acrylic finish, if any, can work their way through the pores in an eggshell, but I decided it was best not to experiment on my family.

Shortly after I decided on the Tydirium, it occurred to me to make the Death Star as well. I started by putting on the equatorial trench, superlaser dish, and various details with a Sharpie. Then it was time for the dip. Easter egg dye manufacturers have understandably neglected to supply the world with grey dye tablets, so I was forced to improvise. I started with the standard three tablespoons of vinegar, but instead of adding a dye tablet I added the ink well of a black Bic pen that I cut into little pieces. You know what happens when you add little pieces of ink pen to vinegar? Nothing. They don’t leak. The ink doesn’t dissolve. They just float there. So I mashed them up with the barrel of the pen I’d just ruined. Only it turns out ink wells are made of hard plastic and don’t mash so well. More to the point, they don’t mash at all. They just float there. Mocking me.

So I turned to food coloring. I decided to experiment and happened upon the formula for a passable grey on my first try: three drops of green, two drops of red, two drops of blue. The color works, but as you can see it had some sort of difficulty bonding to the shell. The green specks you see on the shell aren’t a result of the dying, but of me touching the egg with green stained fingers. The big white patches, however, are a mystery. Why the dye would adhere to one part of the egg and not another is beyond me. Since it also removed some of the Sharpie, I’m guessing that I mixed the vinegar solution too strong and the acid was dissolving the shell. Just a guess.

Most displeased by the Death Star’s apparent lack of progress, I moved on to safer sci-fi territory: aliens. I intended the above to look more like the aliens from Communion, but I got the eyes too big. But the great thing about making 30 eggs at once is that you have some freedom to screw up. Instead of chucking this guy I decided to dip him green for fans of 1950s style aliens. Then I drew up a different, slightly more menacing grey X-Files style alien. The grey dip, again, didn’t work perfectly, but I left this one in the drink for less time and I think the results are respectable. This lends some weight to my acid theory. I really wish I’d had a better grey. I guess I could have done another dipping but it was really late and I was very tired…

What do you mean you want me to do another dipping? And why do I have to do it right now? I just spent hours on my feet dying these eggs, all for you. I do it all for you, people. You know I haven’t eaten since 6:00 this morning, and all that was was a half a cream cheese bagel, and it wasn’t even real cream cheese, it was light cream cheese. And now you want me to run off and do another dipping? What the hell happened to you?

• • • + • • + • •

By the way, you may have noticed above that one of these kits has glow in the dark paint and another has glitter paint. A couple of my eggs would have really profited from the addition of glowing sparkles, but over the past two years the paints have all fossilized into bizarre, foul smelling plastic rocks. So no special effects for my eggs. Damn you, Time, destroyer of worlds!

Below are the contents of the VehEGGles kit. The black plastic parts trees contain the components for four egg chassis, brilliant little devices that turn ordinary eggs into cars. Whoever thought of this should be in charge if the space program. These things ROCK.

The kit comes with labels to make a fire truck, school bus, and an ambulance. Most of these kits come with stickers, but slapping a cheap Superman decal on an egg is not valid Easter egg decoration. Slapping a windshield decal on an egg with wheels, however, is too legit to quit. Considering my obsession with a certain ’80s movie franchise and the fact the there are wheels and ambulance stickers in this kit, some of you may see where this is going. Shh, no spoilers. Don’t ruin the magic for the other kids.

After applying the doors, bus windows, light bar, grill assembly, tail lights, and the front and rear windshields all I needed to do was get rid of those crosses. Mork explained that this would have been much easier if I’d done it before applying the labels, but he only did so after I had already struggled to cut the crosses without breaking the eggshell. Orkans give advice like they age; backwards. Fortunately I was able to get them off without breaking the egg or even scratching it much. These chickens are tough customers. They make their babies knife proof.

After removing the last trace of Jesus from my Easter egg it was just a matter of coloring in the logo with a red Sharpie. Finally, a Netflix envelope made the ultimate sacrifice in the name of sci-fi Easter fun. A little license plate touch up and she was all ready. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you EGGTO-1.

“Everybody can relax, I found the car. Needs some suspension work. And shocks. Brakes, brake pads, lining, steering box, transmission, rear-end. Also new rings, mufflers, a little wiring…”

I learned a few useful things constructing the EGGTO-1. First of all I learned that if you draw on an egg with a standard yellow highlighter it takes about 14 years to dry. This crap smudged and spread around so much that I considered just starting over with a new egg. But then I remembered that I’m massively lazy and I decided to wipe it off instead.

That’s when I found out the second useful thing about eggs; highlighter and pencil rub off of eggshells with unexpected ease if you lick your finger first. It was kind of amazing. Then again, maybe its just me. Maybe I have mutant salivary glands that secrete the world’s most potent solvent. So why didn’t it dissolve the eggs? That must be my one weakness; eggshells. Eggshells are my kryptonite. That’s the third useful thing I learned.

The fourth useful thing I learned is that if you want fine lines on an egg you MUST use a mechanical pencil. I tried every kind of pen I owned and barely got a trace of ink to stick. But the mechanical pencil worked every time, and drew clean, dark lines even when the egg was wet or dirty. From now on when I decorate eggs a mechanical pencil will be right by my side.

2021 UPDATE: In the 12 years since I originally published these photos, they’ve made their way around the internet. Back in 2019, SyFy’s online presence Syfy Wire posted “12 Sets Of Sci-Fi-Themed Eggs That’ll Make Your Easter A Geeky One.” Two of these “sets” were from this article: my Watchmen eggs, above, and another egg you will see later in this article. Click the pic to check it out. My eggs are famous!

These were just begging to be made. Rorschach and Dr. Manhattan were fairly straightforward, although if I had it to do over again I’d use a blue marker for Manhattan’s features instead of the black. I had a blue marker just sitting there waiting to be used, but I was drunk on sleeplessness and Waylon Jennings songs, and it didn’t occur to me. In any case, the vibrant blue of the Superman dye was perfect for this. I’m really pleased with the way they turned out.

The Comedian’s smiley button was a bitch. I threw away three or four eggs out of sheer frustration before I got it right. It is very hard to draw a convincing blood splatter with a thick red marker on an eggshell, but the real pain is drawing a convincing eye around that blood streak. It’s very easy to screw that up, and I proved that by screwing up a number of times. While this final attempt isn’t perfect, its as close as I was likely to get. Once the blood, eyes, and mouth were done. I gave it a good long soak in yellow dye to really saturate the shell. I got a lot of comments on this one at Easter. I’m fairly proud of it.

This next egg is most definitely a step up in difficulty, so it’s probably not something for very young kids. Then again, if you’ve read this far in an article about turning eggs into spaceships and superheroes, I doubt very seriously that you’re so easily discouraged. If you’re still here, you’re one of us.

“One of us! One of us!”

This egg will require special equipment. A piping bag, to be precise. If you don’t have one and aren’t willing to shell out good money for a high end baking product just so you can turn eggs into action figures, then you’re in good company. Let me show you how to make a perfectly serviceable piping bag for less than $2.

Start with a standard condiment squeeze bottle, preferably one with a small nozzle. Mustard bottles work well for this. Remove the cap. Then cut the bottle below the threads, removing the entire screws cap assembly. Next, cut one corner off of a plastic sandwich bag, making sure that you have a hole approximately the size of the cap threads. Feed the bag through the hole and pull it back over the threads, then screw the cap on tightly, making sure that the plastic bag is sealed in the threads all the way around. It should look something like this:

Booyah. A fine tipped piping bag for the price of a baggie and a bottle of mustard. Now we fill it.

We’re not going to eat this frosting, its just there for looks and to hold the egg upright, so mix and match any colors and flavors to get whatever appearance best fits your egg. I mixed maybe a quarter cup, although there’s no way in hell I used even a third of that on the finished egg. But it was my first time trying this so I gave myself some wiggle room, just in case.

• • • • • • • • • • + • • • + • • •

I was going for a dirty green color, kind of like the skin of a Gorn. It took a little while to get it right, but I finally found the perfect mix: ten drops of green, three drops of red, three drops of blue. I ended up with the perfect ugly greyish green. There’s no way you’d ever want to eat something this color. It was just what I was looking for. By the way, this is WAY more dye in your food than you usually encounter, so be advised that it will stain your skin, clothes, and pretty much anything else it touches.

All of these egg kit boxes came with about a dozen perforated circles on the back that you punch out to make a drying tray for your eggs. The boxes advertise these circles as some sort of bonus prize. You’re supposed to stick toothpicks through them and spin them like tops. They are touted as toys. That’s reaching, even by the lax standards of Easter egg kits. However, colored black with a marker, one of these tops made the perfect base for my egg.

In case you haven’t guessed it, we’re making a xenomorph egg, straight outta Alien. Using a green marker I drew those weird little veins on the bottom, and the “mouth” for the facehugger to jump out of. And, yes, this is very green. Depending on which movie you watch, the eggs range anywhere from dark grey green to translucent brown. Well, I’m not going to dye an egg brown. If I wanted a brown egg, I would just buy brown eggs. They’re readily available. I’m sacrificing screen accuracy for a little color. It is Easter, after all. Our eggs need panache.

After drawing on the veins and mouth I dipped it yellow, then took the Magic Crayon to it. Among the shrink wraps, dyes, bookmarks, egg stands, stickers, and other assorted awesomeness to be found in the Batman kit was the Magic Crayon, which is nothing more than an uncolored stick of wax in a wrapper. The idea is simple: you dip an egg, let it dry, draw on it with the Magic Crayon, and then dip it again. The water based dye can’t stick to the wax, leaving whatever base color you gave the crayon showing through. Its very basic and absolutely awesome. Once again, the Batman kit completely dominates Easter.

I speckled the egg with little wax dots, then dipped it in green. The result was nice, but I wasn’t done yet. I poured half my green dye into my grey mixture, then speckled the egg again. I outlined the “lips” with wax to allow both shades of green to show through, then dyed it in the green grey mix. My hope was to end up with yellow and green spots on a dark green egg. It worked better than I could have hoped.

After it dried it was just a matter of using the frosting for the detail work. I traced the mouth with the piping bag to give the lips a slightly parted look, then drew in more veins on the bottom. A little dab of frosting secured it to the cardboard base, and viola! I gots me a Xenomorph Easter egg. I’m really happy with this little guy.

Now that all that was done, I had just one more egg I had to get out of my system. This egg wasn’t an idea I originally came up with for this little venture, but was inspired by you guys and your vocal disapproval of the new look they gave Cobra Commander. I figured if the movie guys couldn’t recreate Ol’ Snake Face faithfully, I would give it a shot.

I started off by drawing the basic outline on an egg and decided that I’d use aluminum foil to simulate his faceplate. I looked for some glue and discovered that I don’t own any. Then I got out the rubber cement and found that it had congealed into one giant lump in the bottle. I remembered I had read somewhere that if you add vinegar to milk a certain protein settles out of it that can be used as a glue. Guess what? It doesn’t work. Nothing settles out, and if you put the mixture on your egg you just get a wet, stinking egg. What I needed was something sticky enough to hold the foil to the shell that would not dissolve in water.

Ugly green frosting to the rescue! Frosting is fat based, so there was no chance of the water or vinegar doing anything to it. It took a little bit of trimming to get the foil in place, but after that it was smooth sailing. I colored in his red tie and that white stripe on his helmet with the Magic Crayon, then dipped it in the leftover Dr. Manhattan blue, but for a shorter time to give it the pastel blue from the cartoon series. After I gave his faceplate a post-dip clean up he was ready to make his big debut.

The eggs weren’t a huge hit at Easter, simply because most of the old folks had no idea what the hell they were supposed to be. You’d be surprised how little my 60 year old aunts and uncles know about xenomorphs and Cobra Commander. But those in the know showed me the love, so it was all good. Then a clown showed up at the party and stole what little thunder my eggs had generated. For real. A literal clown. For reasons I can only dare to guess, my uncle hired a clown named Gum Drop for Easter, and she made us play games and gave us face paintings. No one knows why my uncle did this, as clowns are in no way a part of our normal family holiday traditions. It was completely out of nowhere and made for a very surreal Easter.

All of us adults were mildly annoyed with this clown, but in the spirit of things we decided to play along with her little clown games. You know, to humor the kids. But we drew the line at being painted on. And that line held firm for about a half an hour. I don’t know which one of us was the first to cave, but eventually my entire family was walking around with paint and glitter on our heads. And even though she and her clown shenanigans stole away the last little potential scraps of attention my sci-fi eggs could have received, having Gum Drop around was worth it in the end. Because I made her give me a sci-fi face painting. Better luck next year, clown. Chris – 1, Gum Drop – 0.

Peace out, my bitches, and happy Easter from The Sci-Fi Guys!

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dan

Sorry guys. doesn’t look good for fans of the Sarah Conner Chronicles:

Report: Fox terminates Sarah Connor Chronicles

Is Sarah Connor terminated? That’s the rumor being passed on by EW.com’s Ausiello Files: Citing multiple anonymous sources, the columnist reports that Fox has canceled the low-rated Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

“It’s done,” a source close to the show told Michael Ausiello. “Everyone has pretty much known for a couple of weeks.” Adds a network insider: “Consider it canceled.”

Officially, the network told Ausiello: “No decision has been made yet. We will be announcing our fall schedule on May 18.”

dan

Those eggs are AWESOME!

I wasn’t aware of clowns being a part of any Easter tradition. Guess it isn’t any stranger than a rabbit delivering eggs (…and candy, money, toys).

As for Fox, not only should their execs be shot, but so should anyone who actually bothers to watch it. You know what shooting is too quick and easy. Drawn and quartered. Yes. I think that would be more appropriate. Let ’em suffer for all the shit they’ve done to television.

dan

Did anyone catch Kröd Mändoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire? Just a little of what you missed if you haven’t:

quentin

EGGTO-1 is the most awesome holiday craft I’ve seen since Jesus was put on the Cross (which, you gotta admit, has been the most imitated holiday craft since).

dan

Having watched numerous Dragonball Z episodes I struggle to understand why they even made the movie in the first place (other than the fact they are whores).

Fox used to make excellent sci-fi movies: The Abyss, Predator, Aliens. Big Trouble in Little China, etc. It’s sad to see what they’ve become.

Edward

AGREED!

dan

In my opinion you’re not missing much. Granted some of the fight scenes are pretty cool, but there is so much useless filler (at least in the Americanized versions) between them its easy to get bored and lose interest.

Balthazar

Terrorism. Murder. Blood. Bullets. Darkness. This is the G.I. Joe cartoon you’ve been waiting 25 years for. G.I. Joe: Resolute is a new animated mini-series featuring classic Joes and Cobra operatives that’s sure to make the live action movie look even more like a turd. Aimed at older viewers, and garnering standing ovations at JoeCon Comic-Con, Resolute consists of 11 episodes (ten 5-minute episodes and one 10-minute finale) totaling 60 minutes, all of which are available online for free or on Adult Swim this Saturday. We won’t tell you the plot, but let’s just say Cobra Commander goes totally apocalyptic on Moscow. In the first four minutes. Can someone please start a petition to turn this into a regular weekly series?

dan

Those were AWESOME! I can’t wait for the final two installments!

Nanook

New CC…he BLOWS! That pissed me off to no end. Someone was obviously sucking their tailpipe that day in character planning. Fire them all and beat them with a cane.

As for the eggs the reason why you had issues with the DS and alien head ones is that there was (most likely) trace amounts of egg goo and/or fingerprints on them. I have run into this with mold release agents used on some plastic models. F**ks up the fun for sure. Your best bet for next year? Gently wash each egg with warm water and a green scrubby pad. Use Dawn soap to pull any grease off.

Nanook

Thanks for the welcome, Chris. I find some kits have more release agent that others (ICM being the worst IMHO). Most of the time you can get away with just a simple wipe down but a few need the soap and water routine.

Ditto your thoughts on the food dye issue as well. One idea is to heat the egg in the microwave using Rite dye. I’ve done this with Hot Wheels in teh past to modify the casting colors…put it in a bowl with Rite dye and heat for 30 seconds. Check and reheat if a darker strain is desired. I would think it might work on egg shell. Maybe give it a try.

Thanks for the link…I’ll have to check them all out. Still have my figures, cards, instruction booklets, catalogs and so forth. Even my original CC that you had to send off to get. Good luck finding one of those dudes! A LOT of early stuff too that you do not see pop up. Have most of the vehicles but had to get rid of a few of the bigger ones. To this day the VAMP is my fave. And no, my dudes are NOT missing their thumbs…I played gently with ‘em.

Balthazar

In January we wrote up a rumor from Bloody Disgusting about how Robert Rodriguez’s name was being thrown around in connection with a reboot of the Predator series. It wasn’t confirmed at the time, then Rodriguez separately announced his new sci-fi film Nerveracker, so we thought all hope had been lost. However, IESB has just heard via Rodriguez himself at a press conference in Austin, Texas that a Predator reboot is indeed on his slate, not only for him to produce, but also to eventually direct. The original pitch was as follows: “In the reboot a team of commandoes face down a mysterious race of vicious monsters.”

Rodriguez revealed his upcoming slate at a press conference: “I’m going to be able to shoot my upcoming Machete here, a sci-fi action film called Nerveracker, a reboot of the Predator series called Predators, and a couple of smaller movies called Sin City 2 and The Jetsons.” That’s some sure enough confirmation! Though I don’t know when it’ll happen, because I’m not sure when Rodriguez is going to find the time to do five different films in the next few years, especially when Nerveracker is already slated for release in 2010. Whatever the case, it’s still exciting that Rodriguez is the one who is bringing Predator back from the dead.

Nanook

yeah, RR could make that series relevant again. We’ll have to see I guess. Curious to see how SC2 winds up. The first one was not too bad…better than I thought I would like it, actually.

Nanook

Good point, Chris. Do you recall the Dark Horse limited edition Predator comic series? That was cool…I think they tried to do a bit of that with AVP but that movie really was too slow and boring in spots.

A predator is bad ass and really only needs to just show up on the scene to get everyone’s attention.

Nanook

Jonah Hex…that should be cool!! Used to read it all the time as a kid. And MF…F-I-N-E!!!! Love that pic…wow.

Nanook

Agreed, B. I do think that they can have the As and Ps fight BUT not in the same vein as “AVP”. By all means they would have rubbed shoulders somewhere in the universe, both races are intelligent and both travel the galaxy. So, some interaction is A-Ok by me.

quentin

Watched the Transformers trailer this last night. Watched the GI Joe trailer just now.

Meh.

Both movies inspire in me and overwhelming “meh.” There’s no personality or life to them, just explosions. Whoopty-shit.

Baroness no longer German?

On the accelerator suits: “What do they accelerate?” Your exit from need to act or perform stunts as we replace you entirely with a CGI model so you can dodge missiles and create huge MichaelBLAM-BayPOW-Splosions!BOOM!

quentin

Where the fuck was Destro? Seriously, here were my four clues to the fact that this was in any way related to GI Joe:

1) Before I pressed play, it showed the title logo saying “GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra”
2) At some point in the middle a guy says the name “General Hawk”, which I faintly recall as a member of Joe.
3) There is a chick who looks like the Baroness – but only looks like her.
4) A black ninja fights a white ninja, again without any names so it reminds me of characters from the cartoon.
5) The title screen from #1 shows up at the end, so this one does count.

This trailer implies that the movie is going to be rife with the scent of unadulterated ass.

Please, God, please let GI Joe Resolute get picked up for a full season.

And yeah, fuck Transformers while I’m at it – that horse has been beat to death and its corpse is still givin’ it up.

dan

Just watched the G.I.Joe trailer above…

THAT WAS FUCKING AWFUL.

Growing up G.I.Joe was to me what Transformers was/is to Chris: The pinnacle of kick-assery. I feel like someone just took my favorite toy, smashed it to pieces, shit on it, then set it on fire.

Fuck you Hollywood. Fuck you.

dan

and as for the Transformers trailer….

..ummm….

what’s up with the giant fucking vacuum cleaner robot?

I don’t know how much more of this shit I can take.

dan

I think 8 out of 10 is a little generous. I’d give it a 7 tops. Way too much CGI, which could have been forgiven had it not been sooooo obvious (and rather shitty in some spots). Gambit was hyped in the promos only to make an appearance as a convenient plot device. The same for Scott Summers. Wolverine wasn’t nearly animalistic enough, coming across more as a cub rather than an actual Wolverine. Didn’t see much of an animal unleashed when Stryker pushed him over the edge. Far too much self control.
The only performances I actually enjoyed were those of Liev Schrieber and Dominic Monaghan.

Oh, after a doing some digging, I think the two stingers Chris mentioned above are the only ones.

dan

Coming in second if not tying was the whole helicopter chase scene. The battle on Five Mile Island looked pretty crappy too. Oh well. What’s done is done. Maybe it will look better on the small screen.

Nanook

I was REALLY looking forward to GI Joe when I saw the first trailer but the more I see the more I am getting disappointed. Destro NEEDS the face mask. Period. Baroness doesn’t look too bad…we’ll see if she carries the German accent in the flick. Storm Shadow’s outfit looks closer to a toga with sleeves than his actual clothing (and for some reason it looks too white…I know, that makes no sense). Don’t ask me about CC. That is eternally screwed up. I was hoping that the equipment would be closer to what the toys were (which was pretty cool stuff). So, I’ll probably go see it as it is GI Joe and there’s not much to do in our small town.

dan

Actually, I think your “too white” comment makes perfect sense. It looks crisp and sterile, like he’s wearing it for the first time. That is not the outfit of a seasoned ninja.

quentin

Happy Cinco de Mayo, Dom DeLuise is dead. (There’s a joke in there somewhere about Dom and a sink of mayonnaise, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to go there.)

Nanook

Thanks, Dan…I did not know if my statement really made sense but you nailed it. Sterile is indeed a good description for it. WAY too clean and pressed for a ninja of any sort.

Quentin, that is a bummer about DD…he was a terrific comic and really was lost on newer generations.

dan

You’re thinking of his career Chris.

dan

Ahhh…so they were stupid. How unusual.

dan

I’m surprised no one has posted a Star Trek Review. We’re not very good Sci Fi guys.

Truth be told, I tried to write one up but over a week later I’m still conflicted. This was one of those movies where the good and the bad measured out so evenly I left the theater numbly muttering….”huh”. Over the past 20 years I can think of maybe a handful of times this has happened. This year it already happened twice. If I come to any clear conclusion I’ll be sure to post it.

Anybody else?

(The other movie, in case anyone was interested is Wolverine)

Balthazar

Dan… Chris keeps promising me a Star Trek review as well as a special “other” article but I’m still waiting. 😉 I have the perfect sentence to describe ST, but sadly I stole that from Chris, so I can’t use it. I’ll wait until he posts to give you my view.

Balthazar

Well sadly, it is official. It was announced on Monday that Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles has been cancelled and will get no new season.

By now most of you have heard the news that T:SCC is cancelled. I received a call earlier today from Peter Roth at Warner Bros. and I appreciate both his personal and professional support throughout this show’s life. I know a lot of you are angry about the cancellation and want to find a place to direct your anger and to that I say do yourself a favor and find a way to move past it. Every network wants a big fat hit, especially one with a brand name behind it, and Fox was/is no different. They supported the show, they supported my vision of the show, and they gave it plenty of time to find an audience.

And what an audience we found: passionate, intelligent, kind of nuts in a good way. My only complaint about the T:SCC fans is that there aren’t ten million of them. But I prefer to be happy for the ones we had instead of lamenting the ones we didn’t.

Good shows are cancelled every year; smart shows, worthy shows, shows which move their viewers to write blogs and have viewing parties and create action figures and bury executives’ email accounts under thousands of messages. I miss Deadwood and The Wire and Arrested Development but thank God that I still have Rescue Me and The Office and a recently renewed Party Down written by ex-T:SCC writer John Enbom.

Bad shows are cancelled, too. And certainly there are those who did not like what we did and had their own vision for what a Terminator TV show should be. It’s easy to look at low ratings or cancellation as “failure” and for those who believe we’ve gone about this all wrong I’m sure today’s news will only serve to confirm a world view that I would never try to change. We’ve written the show as best we can, executed it to the best of our abilities, and sent it out in the world knowing that we worked out asses off to do something that wouldn’t be a waste of anybody’s forty-three minutes.

Thanks to a brave and talented cast, a feature crew working on a TV schedule, and everyone else who I could list but won’t because they know who they are. Mostly I’d like to thank those of you who’ve supported us and fought for us and given up hours of your life to watch our show. At the end of the day, that’s what it’s about. The watching.

Hope we do it again soon.

Josh Friedman

Balthazar

So, I went and saw Terminator: Salvation last night with a friend I shall refer to as Blitz. What were my impressions?

*** SIGH ***

That about sums it up. After the movie was over and the credits were rolling, I related a funny story to my friend about someone at work and we both had a laugh. Then I summed up the movie with this quote to him, “That story I just told you just now… better than the movie.”

As a generic action movie, I’m sure it stands just fine on its own, but as part of the Terminator ‘verse, I felt really let down. And perhaps my deflated feeling was compounded by the fact that Fox had just cancelled the Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles series, because the last episode of the second season — by its self — was far superior to this film.

It had its good parts, but some things just went a little too far and the terminators themselves were not threatening at all. Probably the most intimidating piece of Skynet in the flick was the Harvester. And what a complete waste of H/Ks… these are badass machines that they totally did not take advantage of at all. I could give some spoilers out here… oh wait, no I couldn’t, because the movie trailers they have been showing for months now are the spoiler. How retarded is that?!

Thanks for the McGarbage, McG.

dan

I personally think Fox is merely the product of a spoiled, selfish society that demands instant gratification and maximum results with the absolute minimal investment.

dan

June 3rd, 2009 at 6:51 am
Sweet!

Warp 11’s new album

dan

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31569042/ns/technology_and_science-science/

Scientists study foes’ ways at Creation Museum
Not surprisingly, the visitors object to depictions of evolution
By Jeffrey McMurray
The Associated Press
updated 6:24 p.m. ET, Fri., June 26, 2009

PETERSBURG, Kentucky – In one of the largest gatherings of critics since the Creation Museum in northern Kentucky opened two years ago, six dozen paleontologists in the area for a conference this week took a field trip to get a glimpse of the marketing tactics used by the other side of the evolution debate.

Paleontologists spend their careers studying evolution, and here they were visiting a place where nearly every room is dedicated to disproving it through Creationism, a fundamentalist Christian belief based on a literal interpretation of the Bible that contends God created the universe just a few thousand years ago.

“The real purpose of the museum visit is to give some of my colleagues an opportunity to sense how they’re being portrayed,” said Arnold Miller, a professor of paleontology at the University of Cincinnati, which is hosting the conference. “They’re being demonized, I feel, in this museum as people who are responsible for all the ills of society.”

Miller and other paleontologists object to numerous other aspects of the museum they say imply science is doing more harm than good.

For example, multiple rooms are devoted to the great flood, which a strict biblical interpretation might explain was a rebuke for questioning God. The implication, some of the paleontologists say, is that their studies concluding Earth is millions of years old — not thousands as creationists claim — must pose a similar threat to mankind.

Scientists also disagree with the depiction of Noah’s ark itself. Inside a miniature ark is a compartment holding two small dinosaurs, living alongside the monkeys, cows and other animals.

“It’s like a theme park, but the problem is it masquerades as truth,” said Derek Briggs, a Yale University paleontologist.

The scientists Miller brought with him got a group discount but otherwise had minimal interaction with museum staff. A line of other visitors led outside into the full parking lot for much of the day.

David Menton, a cell biology professor and researcher with Answers In Genesis, which founded the museum, made no apologies for the fact that the museum’s teachings are rooted in the Old Testament. He insists they rely on largely the same facts scientists use, just with a starting point millions of years later. Anything before that can’t really be proven by science anyway, he says.

“I’ve spent enough of my professional life in science that I know science being compatible with religion is not the sort of thing that keeps scientists up at night,” Menton said. “There’s a lot of scientists out there that rather applaud that idea.”

He defended the displays that argue people and dinosaurs are contemporaries, including one at the museum entrance that show two young girls playing in a field near a dinosaur.

“I’m not saying dinosaurs and man frequently hobnobbed,” Menton said. “I live on Earth at the same time as grizzly bears, but if I could stay as far away from grizzly bears, that suits me fine.”

The critique of scientists even extends to the gift shop, where among the DVDs for sale is one entitled, “The Cure for a Culture in Crisis: It doesn’t take a Ph.D.”

It all had Wednesday’s visitors shaking their heads.

“Faith is one thing,” said Mark Terry, a high school science teacher from Seattle, “but when it comes to their science statements, they’re completely off the wall.”

Andrew A. Sailer

Fans will be disappointed unless they’re so desperate that they’ll like anything that says it’s a G.I. JOE movie.

Issac Maez

Ryan made the absolute worst feature film ever made. read http://moviebake.com/movies/buried-starring-ryan-reynolds-worst-movie-of-all-time/

Teisha Zona Libre

Kudos from one brainiac to another. 🙂

Simon Skarzynski

the one problem with your blog is you do not post often enough! lol