Michael Bay Can Suck My Dick

This is a new Transformer from the upcoming Transformers: Dark Of The Moon. It is a NASCAR stock car that turns into a robot with a mullet. In case that didn’t register I will repeat it: it’s a NASCAR robot WITH A FUCKING MULLET. You understand that he’s making fun of you, right? He mocked black people in the last film and now he’s mocking NASCAR fans. And in the end, if you see this movie, he’s mocking you.

Michael Bay has reduced another segment of the American population to a base stereotype and hides behind shitty CGI animation to shield himself from criticism. Just understand that this is what he thinks of you. Not just what he thinks of NASCAR fans or of African American culture or of Transformers fans, all of whom he has shown deliberate, repeated and unapologetic disrespect for. But if you see his movies, this is how small he thinks you are. This is how stupid he thinks you are. Bear that in mind when you’re buying movie tickets this summer. You’re paying to be laughed at.

2020 Update: Nine years late, but thanks go out to Topless Robot for the title image. Or perhaps I should say five years too late. Unfortunately, the original, article based Topless Robot closed shop in 2015. Thanks for all the great reads, folks. You are missed.

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danm

looks like Dawg the Bounty Hunter.

Dave

I really & truly hated the last one. The only good thing was the slow-motion shots of Megan Fox running around. The final straw for me in the last movie was the border crossing between Jordan and Egypt.

Note to Michael Bay: EGYPT AND JORDAN DO NOT BORDER ONE ANOTHER!

I refuse to see this new abortion of a Transformers movie.

danm

In the 30+ years I’ve attended the movies, I can count on one hand the number of times I truly felt swindled out of my money. Not only did I feel cheated by Revenge of the Fallen, I felt like I’d been raped hard and casually tossed in a drainage ditch by the side of the road.

What a god-awful cinematic disaster, and this is coming from someone who wasn’t completely disgusted with the last two Matrix films (although they still sucked).

Last edited 5 months ago by dan
Balthazar

Several studios are reportedly in a bidding war over the rights to finance a Voltron: Defender of the Universe movie reports Vulture.

Last Fall came word that Atlas Entertainment had apparently taken control of the project with Thomas Dean Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer (“Sahara,” “Conan”) hired to pen a new draft of the script.

Relativity Media is amongst the interested parties currently campaigning for the rights with the St. Louis–based World Events Productions who created the original show. Charles Roven and Richard Suckle are attached to produce.

The film will not conflict with “Voltron Force”, the new TV series to air on the Viacom-owned Nicktoons channel this May. The aim for the film is to hit screens by 2013 or 2014 at the latest – in time for the franchise’s 30th birthday.

Last edited 5 months ago by Balthazar
danm

Looks like something Michael Bay would create.

Balthazar

Good news! The beloved Star Wars series is coming back to theaters.

But how do we feel about it being in 3D? The fan favorite franchise is getting converted and brought back the big screen, starting in 2012. The bad news is that Lucas will be starting with The Phantom Menace and basing the releases of the films off of the net profits of the first. That means if you want to see Empire, you need to buy a ticket for Phantom Menace.

More bad news: we won’t be getting the original editions. Greedo will shoot first, CGI creatures will be walking around Mos Eisley and there will still be an absolutely reprehensible musical number in the middle of Return of the Jedi.

The plan is to convert one movie a year for as long as it remains financially viable. That means we won’t be seeing the original trilogy until 2015 with the final installment hitting in 2018.

danm

Why bother when he’s making billions?

Balthazar

Warner Bros. Pictures and Legendary Pictures finally confirmed today in a press release that Kevin Costner will play Jonathan Kent, the father who raised Clark Kent as his own son, in the new Superman movie to be directed by Zack Snyder.

Snyder states “Jonathan Kent is the only father figure Clark has ever had, the man who was there to help Clark understand what he was meant to do in the world as Superman. Kevin will be able to communicate the quiet strength of this rural American man who raised the greatest super hero of all time.”

Costner will star alongside Diane Lane as his wife, Martha, and Henry Cavill as Clark.

Balthazar

After a Comic Con panel that fizzled back in July and a rushed out first trailer that even the studio has apologized for, Warner Bros. Pictures has used this weekend’s WonderCon as the launching pad for its Green Lantern marketing campaign to try and turn the tide of indifference and skepticism about the project around. The good news is the move seems to have worked.

Along with a snazzy new poster, ten minutes of new footage from the feature was screened – the same reel played to exhibitors and press earlier this week at CinemaCon. The reel showed off various key scenes including a glimpse at Parallax and quite a bit of footage on Oa with lots of other Green Lanterns thrown into the mix. Almost half of that footage, approximately four minutes worth, has gone online and can be watched below:

With the recent announcement of a Justice League movie, many wondered if Ryan Reynolds would be playing Hal Jordan/Green Lantern in that feature. The actor indicated to The Los Angeles Times that there won’t be a crossover – “That’s a whole business model and nothing to do with me at all. No one has ever approached me about doing a Justice League movie.” He will return for further Green Lantern films though should they get the green light.

Producer Donald DeLine also gave an interview to Collider and spoke about the costume and the reasoning behind going fully CG with it – “Our concept is that the costume is created out of the green energy of will, just like the ring is powered by the green energy of will just like the central battery on the planet Oa is completely comprised of green energy. So the suit is green energy, and we didn’t want it to be a spandex suit that he hangs in his closet and puts on. When he wills the ring to become the Green Lantern, and he can do that through the willpower to create this suit and go into his powers, green energy from the inside out creates this suit. And he is, when he’s brought to Oa for the first time, they map his body, he’s the first human being to be a green lantern. So they don’t really know what he’s made of, so we have this really cool sequence where they dissect and scan Hal Jordan and the ring creates this suit for the first time for a human being.”

He adds that 25-30% of the film takes place on Oa, they haven’t made their final decision on the voice of Kilowog yet though have “very seriously” talked to Michael Clarke Duncan, and 25 fully animated “key Lantern” characters will be seen throughout the picture.

Balthazar

Spock himself, Leonard Nimoy, is set to voice the role of Sentinel Prime, Optimus Prime’s predecessor, in Michael Bay’s upcoming Transformers: Dark of the Moon says EW.

In the film, the character’s wrecked body crashed on our moon and was discovered by the Apollo 11 astronauts in 1969. He will take the form of a fire engine on Earth, and is a big part of the climactic end battle sequence in downtown Chicago. Nimoy voiced Galvatron in the 1986 animated feature Transformers: The Movie.

Balthazar

To celebrate Matthew Vaughn’s 60s-set superhero prequel X-Men: First Class, here is some amazing vintage art, featuring Professor Charles Xavier (James McAvoy), Erik ‘Magneto’ Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender) and Emma Frost (January Jones).

Balthazar

Michael Clarke Duncan has finally entered negotiations to voice the character of Kilowog in the upcoming Green Lantern movie for Warner Bros. Pictures says Heat Vision.

Duncan’s involvement was rumored for several weeks ago but no offer had been made at the time. Duncan finally received his offer Tuesday and is now negotiating.

Turnaround time for the part is expected to be very quick. Geoffrey Rush signed on to voice the character of Tomar-Re, a bird/fish-like alien, two weeks ago. Mere days later his voice appeared attached to his character in the footage shown at Wonder Con and online.

In the film, Kilowog is a drill sergeant trainer of new recruits for the Green Lantern Corps, the intergalactic police force that patrols the universe.

Balthazar

Marvel’s Thor and 7-Eleven/Slurpee have teamed up to deliver all sorts of goodies for the upcoming superhero epic.

Slurpee has launched a free Smart Phone App that can be downloaded directly from the Android Marketplace or iPhone App Store. iPhone and Android users can also download it if you text “App” to 711711. Each check in on the App unlocks exclusive Thor content like backgrounds, Marvel subscriptions, and rewards points.

7-Eleven has also launched the new flavor ‘Blue Lightning Blast’, a raspberry and tangerine blend inspired by the film, described as a “new taste that could only have come directly from the magical world of Asgard. Side effects include a blue tongue and a powerful compulsion to wear tights and grow your hair out.”

To hold the new drink, the company has released four premium Thor Slurpee collectible cups featuring four of the key characters – Thor, Loki, Sif and the Destroyer. Here’s a look at them below: