How Can You Have Any Pudding If You Don’t Eat Your Meat?

I got it. Let’s try it.

Let’s get this out of the way first: I do not enjoy Spam. The last time I decided to try it I nearly gagged from the insane saltiness. And I’ve never had figgy pudding. But I do enjoy any long established brand that has the balls to get weird with it. And Spam has balls. It might be made of them, for all I know.

I missed out on Pumpkin Spice Spam when it came around, so I was determined not to let Figgy Pudding Spam slip through my greasy little fingers. Long story short, you simply can’t get this stuff retail. These new Spam flavors sell out so quickly that you need to know well in advance to queue up to buy them. And I was not in the know. So after hitting the Spam collectors aftermarket on eBay – yes, seriously – I paid WAY too much and got some weirdly spiced canned meat.

The verdict? This stuff is fucking DELICIOUS. I can’t believe I’m saying it, but this is outstanding. I detected none of the nauseating sodium blast of regular Spam, just a wonderful hint of what I believe was nutmeg and cloves, and a very slight, perfectly enjoyable sweetness, not much different from the flavor of a brown sugar glazed ham with cloves. Nothing about this was unwelcome. It is superior to original Spam in every way.

Not pictured are the fried eggs over easy I had with the Figgy Pudding Spam. And that’s for good reason. The spices in the Spam make the Spam darker than usual, as you can see above, and they also darkened the oil in the pan, turning the eggs an unappetizing grey. But they were PERFECT. The rich, runny yolks were the ideal compliment to the Spam, and because I want you to try this to see just how good it is for yourself, I’m not showing you my ugly eggs. I want you to eat Figgy Pudding Spam. I don’t want to suffer through the same lonely enjoyment I went through with Cinnamon M&M’s. Someone try this, please. I need someone, at least one other person in this world, to understand how good this is with me.

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