Have you seen Cobra Commander?

More bad news for you. Click the pic for full sized heartbreak.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. Seriously, what the fuck? He had a bifurcated, mirrored metal faceplate and a helmet, and wore a blue military dress uniform. How hard is that? That would have looked great. But this is fucking stupid. This looks like some shit they wouldn’t have even bothered animating during the show’s heyday. This is one of those throwaway figures we used to blow apart with firecrackers or burn at the stake.

Is this really supposed to be the feared terrorist leader, the bio-tech genius and chosen son of Cobra-La, the man who built an organization so powerful that the US military had to create the G.I. Joe special mission force just to combat it? Please. This is like one of those stupid looking early ’90s figures that eventually caused the series to be cancelled due to poor sales. If Krang and Jason X had a kid with no skin, it would be this guy.

The mail away figure is partially redeemed by that impressive Cobra staff. Partially.

As some of you know, I have a fairly complete collection of nearly all the Cobra Commander figures ever released. I’ve even got the extra shitty, goofy looking neon colored nonsense Hasbro produced when the line was starting to die. But I may pass on this one just on the principle of the thing. I don’t like the idea of my dollars supporting this kind of bullshit.

Thanks again, Hollywood, for taking something interesting and ass raping all the cool out of it. I’ve just placed this movie on my “must miss” list. I don’t know what the fuck that is, but that is NOT Cobra Commander.

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