Halloween 2010: Metallöween

I really should have written “Rocktober” for maximum cheese.

Literature! Scary!

Damn, I love this pic.

I always decorate with some vintage Halloween vinyl, but every year the cereal boxes steal the show.

At 8 PM, all the normal lights in my living room and dining room get shut off and the whole place is lit with orange and purple strands of incandescent evil. Next year, thanks to some post-Halloween illumination bargains I found, it’s lights out for the whole first floor.

You know those kinds of parties where you run out of alcohol and have to make a beer run in the middle of the night? I don’t throw those kinds of parties.

Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta ROCK!

My aunt and uncle just got back from a vacation in Mexico, and brought some tequila back with them. Not that I had any, good, clean livin’ Christian boy that I am.

Uncle Jerry is 68 years old and parties like he’s 30. He did more shots than most of the other guys there, all of whom were less than half his age. He showed us youngins how they used to drink back in the day. Word to the wise: do NOT try to keep up with him if you meet him in a bar. That’s a race you cannot win, my friend.

This was Nakia’s first Halloween Bash, and I roped the poor girl into sharing the world’s worst tequila. I don’t know who brought this stuff, but we had to drink it fast before the bottle dissolved. Thanks for being a sport, Nikia. Send me the hospital bills.

They had to leave early, because my cousin Lori is Methuselah and has to get home by the crack of 9 so she can wrap up in her shawl and watch Murder She Wrote. Her father, who is 68 years old, stayed and partied into the night. Oh, the shame, cousin. Oh, the shame.

According to Lori, she had to get up early the next day and she was also in the midst of coming down with the flu. Uh huh. You better stop bitching, grandma, grab your glass of Metamucil, and get back to the old picture tube. That episode of Matlock ain’t gonna watch itself.

“And I would do anything for love…” But I won’t do my sister-in-law dressed up like a man. That crosses a bunch of real weird boundaries.

I love this picture, but I have no recollection at all of this photo being taken. Anyone got some info for me? I’m honestly not sure how or when this happened. And why weren’t the Scooby Doo girls in the shot? I don’t have any pictures of them at all.

“Wild Thing, I think you move me. But I wanna know for sure. Every time I kiss you I taste what other men had for lunch. The only thing that can get you off is to see me in pain, but I think I love you!”

Hell yeah! Rocked out to Sam’s cover of “Wild Thing” at the Halloween Bash. Thought I was gonna soil myself. I forgot how funny it is. “I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood! You never loved me! You USED me! Ohh OOOHHH!!”

Holy SHIT, what a great Halloween Bash. Thanks so much for everyone who came out. You guys fuckin’ ROCK! It was one hell of a night! The winner of the 2010 Costume Contest was my little bro Jeremie, who’s Slash costume kicked mucho ass.

Once again, my most sincere thanks to everyone who came and rocked out for Metallöween. Heading to bed now. HALLOWEEN RULES!!!! Happy Halloween, everybody!

NEXT DAY UPDATE: Woke up half drunk, bottle opener on the nightstand, food and booze scattered all over the house, every surface on the first floor inexplicably sticky, party decorations and pieces of costumes everywhere, passed out candy, enjoyed pot roast and football with loved ones, and now I’m ending the day the way I do every year, by watching Ghostbusters. God damn, I love Halloween.

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