“We are all well aware of the fact that Tom Cruise is a fucking whack job… With that in mind I would love to tell you Mission: Impossible: III was such a craptastic waste of celluloid, I wouldn’t even use the reel of film to wipe my ass… But I can’t.”
By: Dan (the slightly-taller, better-looking one)
PLOT:
Super-spy Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) has retired from active duty to trains new IMF agents. But he is called back into action to confront the toughest villain he’s ever faced – Owen Davian (Philip Seymour Hoffman), an international weapons and information provider with no remorse and no conscience. Hunt assembles his team – his old friend Luther Strickell (Ving Rhames), transportation expert Declan (Jonathan Rhys Meyers), background operative Zhen (Maggie Q), and fresh recruit Lindsey (Keri Russell) – to travel the globe pursuing Davian and rescue Hunt’s love, Julia (Michelle Monaghan).
*This was a plot summary provided by an anonymous user on IMDB. I was too lazy to write my own so I stole it.*
OK. We are all well aware of the fact that Tom Cruise is a fucking whack job. From his antics on Oprah Winfrey to his egomaniacal lecture on Psychology to Matt Lauer of the Today Show, Tom has proven that he’s a true scion of Hollywood.
With that in mind I would love to tell you Mission Impossible III was such a craptastic waste of celluloid, I wouldn’t even use the reel of film to wipe my ass…… But I can’t.
I wish I could say Tom Cruise gave such a horrific performance, the film is sure to be the swan song of his long and illustrious career…..but I can’t.
The truth is…..I liked this movie. In fact, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I enjoyed it.
Hell, I’ll even go out on a flimsy little twig on that branch and say that this was the best movie of the series.
The Highs:
J.J. Abrams: Who better to direct a movie set in a secretive world of suspense, espionage, and intrigue than the creator of Lost and Alias? Abrams was able to take the best elements from the first two installments and weave them together to produce a movie that eclipses the previous films in strength of character, story, and execution. Is it Oscar worthy? Certainly not. But, by keeping the over-the-top actions sequences to a relative minimum and focusing more on plot dynamics and the humanistic side of Tom Cruise’s character, Abrams creates an engaging movie that even the most jaded movie-goer can find something to like about it.
Philip Seymour Hoffman: Ah Dusty. Look how far you’ve come since your Twister days. As Owen Davian, the arch villain of the film, Hoffman plays a villain far more sinister and unforgiving than Ethan Hunt ever faced in the previous Mission installments. Hoffman’s screen presence is truly great. He’s able to convey a sense of malevolence and dread without uttering a word. You go Dusty! Tom Cruise ain’t got nothing on you!
Ving Rhames: Arguably on of the coolest actors on screen today; it was nice to see Abrams keep a certain amount of continuity between the films by keeping Rhames involved. Back as Luther Strickell, Ving adds the comedic touch that keeps the movie from becoming emotionally bogged down.
The Story: Action sequences were some what plausible and pretty well balanced with the storyline. While a few could be classified as “over the top” they did little to detract from the movie. You are immediately drawn into the movie by the opening sequence.
The Lows:
Supporting cast could have used more development.
“Suspension of Disbelief” required by the audience for certain aspects of the film. Where the hell does one get a Lamborghini on such short notice with a drop out floor?
Not enough Philip Seymour Hoffman!
For God’s sake, will somebody loan Lawrence Fishburne the money to get that gap in his front teeth closed!?
They blew up a Lamborghini. That’s not cool. In fact, that’s just plain wrong.
Would I recommend this film: Absolutely. I went to a matinee but would not have been disappointed paying full price.
Overall Rating: 7 (out of 10)
Pic courtesy of /Film.
I’ve heard a lot of bad things about this movie. I loved the first one, but I didn’t see the second because it looked like a kung fu flick, and I’d rather see a spy movie. Unfortunately, the trailer didn’t tell me a lot about Part III other than Brandt from The Big Lebowski was in it, so I didn’t see it. This is our concern, Dude.
The one curious thing I did see a lot of, though, was the stars of this movie doing interviews where they were totally closed lipped about Tom Cruise. Felicity was on Letterman and was telling Dave that Tom did a great number of his own stunts, and then she just stopped talking about him at all. It was like somebody turned the subject off with a switch, it was so abrupt. I’m not sure if the Scientology mafia goons threatened these guys (I’m not joking, they’ve been known to do that to people who publicly badmouth the “church” or its members), or if they just didn’t want to trash talk a co-star and mentally unstable millionaire cultist and potential psychopath. Either way, it was pretty funny to watch them completely avoid the whole subject of Tom Cruise, even though he was the STAR OF THE DAMN MOVIE. I don’t think they were threatened, honestly. I got the real sense that they were trying to distance themselves from him and his scam artist alien god-cult. I think, like Mel Gibson, he’s going to have a damn tough time recovering from his all-too-public religious breakdown.
This’ll teach Hollywood wackos to pick a better false god next time. Should’ve chosen Cthulhu, Mav; more people like him than Xenu, he doesn’t charge you a dime, he’s got his own roleplaying game, and eventually you’ll get to watch him eat people.
See you in church, sinner,
Chris