Cupboards


You know what’s awesome about Chillicothe, OH? Trick question. There is nothing awesome about Chillicothe, OH.

I found a great looking comics and gaming store online called Wildpyre, which promises either out of control fire or vampires. But when I got there it had been replaced by a cupboard store. Fucking cupboards. Who the hell ever heard of a store that sells NOTHING but cupboards?

“Hi, I came here to read thrilling tales about an orphaned alien who was rocketed to a distant planet and was adopted by kindly natives and became that planet’s greatest champion of hope and righteousness. Or perhaps the tale of a child who survived his parents’ murder and forswore his life of riches and luxury and instead dedicated himself to mastering the terror and brutality that robbed him of his childhood and turning those things on those who would harm others. Do you have anything like that?” “No, sir, but I can offer you one of our many pastel colored cupboards. ‘Cause guess what we sell? Cupboards.”

2022 Update: I was curious about Wildpyre Comics Cards & Games, so I googled it. I got Wildpyre’s old address, and it seems the place is cursed. The cupboard store is long gone; I can’t even find its name. Sometime later Big Al’s Pizza opened and closed forever. The latest to go in and go under was an antique store called Down Home Treasures. I can only assume more business have been destroyed than these. Investors beware: here there be dragons.

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