Chris is in love with Cars

This movie is too good. It’s too good not to love, it’s too good not to worship, it’s too good not to stare at for 116 minutes with a long glistening strand of drool hanging out of my mouth. It’s just too damn good.

HI, MY NAME IS CHRIS, AND I AM AN ADDICT.

At Thanksgiving my cousin J2 and I discussed our independently verified measurements of Cars‘s unexpected high level of awesomeosity, and its corresponding high kickassation index caused by its unusually dense saturation of watchability particles. Its just so happened that a few minutes later he drew my name in the family gift carnival grab-bag giveaway, and come X-mas Eve I gots me some Cars on DVD. The next day Ma and Pa Sci-Fi gave me the thoroughly excellent soundtrack. The next day I gave me the Rev’d Up bonus DVD you can only buy at Target, which turned out to be absolutely top notch. This weekend I’ll probably give me the bonus DVD you can only buy at Wal-Mart, and more than likely the soundtrack companion CD Lightning McQueen’s Fast-Tracks. And if I ever find one of those sweet ass Cars DVD tins from Blockbuster, I’ll probably be giving me that as well. I’m generous like that.

Cars isn’t the kind of movie where I am interested in the merchandise in any way, so I won’t ever be owning any Cars toys or the like. But the movie and music… oh, sweet lordy mama. How good is Cars? Let me put it this way: I fucking HATE redneck humor. HATE IT. I think Larry The Cable Guy is one of the most irritating “entertainers” I have ever seen, and before Cars I wouldn’t have minded hearing that he was ripped apart by a pack of wild dogs after having been gang raped by Nazi stormtroopers. But this movie makes me want to give him a big ol’ hug. He’s my new best friend. Plus, Cars has got George Carlin in it doing a modern-day interpretation of The Hippy-Dippy Weatherman. What more could you possibly want?!

Go out and buy this DVD right now. Its just too damn good.

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