Pepsi Convoy

Pepsi is chock full of vitamins,
Chock full of minerals,
High in fiber and electrolytes!

Pepsi repels mosquitos,
Will lower the crime rate,
Brings old people back to life!

When you drink a Pepsi
You can understand
What elephants say to other elephants!

If you’re taking a cab,
And you need some change,
You can ask Pepsi, it’ll loan you a dollar.

‘Cause Pepsi likes everyone!… except for its father; they had a bad relationship. But nobody’s perfect. Before you judge Pepsi, look in the mirror. When was the last time you called your dad?

I fight for the Users

Rinzler is wearing Batman’s cape and wielding Darth Maul’s saberstaff in front of the TARDIS beneath the saucer section of the USS Enterprise. All arguments are invalid.

Yes, these are my toys, and, yes, this is how I spend my Friday nights. Remember vagina? I can’t.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Everybody!

Holy double crisp Valentine chocolates for me, Batman! KA-POW!

“I don’t believe in destiny or the guiding hand of fate. I don’t believe in forever, or in love as a mystical state. I don’t believe in the stars or the planets, or angels watching from above. But I believe there’s a ghost of a chance we can find someone to love. And make it last…”

Mike

Like most offices, mine has a junk desk where everyone dumps random supplies, knickknacks, old DVDs, paperbacks, etc., for whomever wants them. I’ve been making good use of it since I was hired. Nothing unusual about it. Or so I thought.

Artist’s rendering of my desk. Number of these items I’ve actually purchased: 0.

Last night when I got to work the desk had been emptied, and there was a banner on the cubicle wall that said “Good luck, Mike! We’ll miss you!” Apparently my office does not, in fact, have a junk desk. Turns out I’ve been stealing from whoever Mike is for a little over a year and a half.

This could be Mike, for all I know.

The worst part is that the majority of the stuff I took decorates my desk in plain view of the whole office, as if to proudly and defiantly say “Fuck you, Mike. It’s mine now.” And now that I know Mike was here, he’s gone. I have no way to give him his stuff back. So guess what? Fuck you, Mike. It’s mine now.

But still, I’m sorry, Mike. I honestly didn’t know you existed.