Step 1: Go to Dollar Tree and locate the cleverly named “ROBOT” toys. Find the non-transforming Snaps Apart! Posable! ones above; you’ll need a yellow/black one and a white/green one. You’ll also need a Phillips screwdriver, but I’m not including that in the price. You should have one already. If you don’t, consider Step 1.5 to be “Get your life together and get a damn screwdriver.”

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Happy Thankshanukkah!

In 2013, Hanukkah and Thanksgiving will coincide for only the second time. The last time was 1888, and the next time will be in the year 79,811. I’m not Jewish, but I’m celebrating it. I missed my last chance, and next time it rolls around I’ll probably be too old to care.

You the shower curtain fella?

“I’m to drive you to Wichita to catch a train? Train don’t run outta Wichita. Unlessin’ you’re a hog or a cattle. People train runs out of S-St-Stubbville…”

“You’re in a pretty lousy mood, huh? You ever travel by bus before? Your mood’s probably not gonna improve much.”

“She’s short and skinny, but she’s strong. Her first baby come out sideways. She didn’t scream or nothin’.”

I swear to god, I would trade the lives and souls of any 20 of today’s directors for just one more John Hughes movie. Just one more. Best goddamned Thanksgiving movie ever made.