Seasons greetings, my friends, and welcome back to The Great British Baking Show: Walton Edition! This week our bakers turn their talents to tiny tidings of Tenenbaums and tinsel. Don your coziest Christmas sweater, pour yourself a mug of cocoa, and join us for Christmas Tins Week!Continue reading “The Great British Baking Show: Walton Edition, Episode 26 – Christmas Tins Week”
Our hero’s acerbic and aggressive attitude has caused his long distance separation from his family at Christmas. In order to see his family again, our hero must use his wits to survive against thieves who both outgun and outnumber him. During his struggles, he comes to the emotional realization that he was in the wrong in his family dispute, is at fault for his estrangement from them, and wants only to be with them once again.
This is the plot to both Home Alone and Die Hard. So if Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie, then neither is Home Alone. I’m willing to get into the ring over this. Bring it. Yippee kai yay, motherfuckers.
Step 1: Go to Dollar Tree and locate the cleverly named “ROBOT” toys. Find the non-transforming Snaps Apart! Posable! ones above; you’ll need a yellow/black one and a white/green one. You’ll also need a Phillips screwdriver, but I’m not including that in the price. You should have one already. If you don’t, consider Step 1.5 to be “Get your life together and get a damn screwdriver.”Continue reading “BLACK FRIDAY BARGAIN!: $2 DIY Christmas Robot”
Alan Sidney Patrick Rickman, February 21, 1946 – January 14, 2016
“Hiya, kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill: don’t buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free.”
I’d love to tell you I watch Love, Actually once a year, but when Christmastime rolls around I end up watching it about a dozen times. Every second Rowan Atkinson is on screen is pure magic. I eat chocolates with a goofy ass smile on my face and shake my ass during the Prime Minister’s dance scene. And I say in my head, “Dude, go after her!” every time the writer watches his housekeeper walk away, and it always breaks my heart just a little. Basically I turn into a big hairy girl for about an hour and a half.
“Oh, this isn’t a bag, sir… This is SO much more than a bag…”
“Okay, Dad. Let’s do it. Let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love.”
“There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?”
“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed. But I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge. They were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love, actually, is all around.”
The Ugliest Christmas Tree In The World – November 28, 2011 – December 19, 2013
It is with great sadness that I must report that The Ugliest Christmas Tree In The World is no more. The ravages of sun, time, and water damage were simply more than he could bear. Rest in peace, you magnificent pink bastard. It won’t be Christmas without you.