Halloween 2019

And so it begins… It’s not pumpkin, just a regular yeast doughnut with colored sugar glaze. But it was good!

I know it isn’t technically a Halloween exclusive, but I only eat it during October, so it’s a Halloween thing for me.

I love these things more each year. If something is going to kill me, let it be pumpkin! Sex or pumpkin. Or sex with a pumpkin. I don’t judge.

This is okay, but only okay. Pumpkin spice should be celebrated, but it’s a bit understated here. This is pumpkin spice for adults who take themselves too seriously. Decent, but not fun.

Eat these. They’re good.

If you only eat one specialty cereal this Halloween season, make it this one. I don’t know why they call it new, because it was out last year. I don’t know why they call it limited, because they’ve made millions of boxes. And I don’t know how they got this so absolutely RIGHT. What I do know is that this is one of the best pumpkin spice products I’ve ever had, and you need to go out and get some before the Great Pumpkin takes it away for another year.

This is real. That is really my real hand holding real pumpkin spice toilet paper which is really in my real house right at this very real moment. And it smells PHENOMENAL. This smells exactly like a pumpkin spice Yankee Candle. I left it in my bedroom in the plastic, and now it’s as if I sleep inside a pumpkin pie. I can’t believe I’m supposed to wipe my ass with something this extraordinary. It seems wrong. Huge thanks to Stacey Hadsell for proving that Halloween miracles do exist, and that Amazon will ship them for free as long as your assorted Halloween miracles total at least $25. See less

Chris loves The Fifth Elephant

This is the book that introduced me to 20 years of absolute magic. Pratchett’s writing was funny and subtly genius, and he delighted in taking the often nonsensical clichés of fantasy literature and turning them on their ear for comedic effect and social commentary. His books are comedies filled with death, but murder and cruelty are never played for laughs. Every character on Discworld is deeply human, especially the monsters.

I never liked reading fantasy until I read The Fifth Elephant. I never connected with it. Pratchett changed the way I look at the genre. He humanized it in a way I have rarely encountered, and made me feel cautiously hopeful for humanity.