Month: November 2018

For all my female friends who are survivors of rape, incest, sexual assault, and/or sexual harassment: I understand why you don’t report. I’m not going to pretend for an instant that I understand how you feel, because I haven’t been through what you have. But I think I get it. I have seen how just speaking about your experiences causes you to be treated with nothing short of contempt and scorn and violence, sometimes even by other survivors. I don’t understand it. But I’ve seen it, and I know it happens, and I have been disgusted and demoralized by it with you.

Tomorrow, however, you will be alone in the voting booth. No matter what happens before or after, while you’re in that booth, you have a chance to make yourself heard without fear of interruption, reprisal, or consequences. The Republican party has shown, without question, that it doesn’t care about rape victims. During the Kavanaugh hearings, the Republicans made it very clear that, even if Kavanaugh was guilty, they simply do not care. They do not take rape seriously. They do not take rape victims seriously. They do not take women seriously, not in any capacity, except as to be seen as extensions and possessions of men.

The way you vote will not change what has happened to you. Nothing can erase the way you have been misused. But the way you vote will have a very real impact on the way that the next woman or child decides whether or not to report. The people currently in power are comfortable and eager to quiet rape victims, whether through mockery, intimidation, smear campaigns, or overt threats. They do not care. When what has happened to you happens to one of the young women you love – as you very well know it is GOING to happen – you are deciding right now how she will be treated.

I can’t say what the Democratic candidate will do if elected. That’s impossible to know. But I can absolutely tell you what the Republicans will do, because they’ve already done it. The Republicans have shown you exactly how they will treat her. She will be blamed. She will be called a whore and a slut. She will be told she doesn’t remember correctly. She will be asked to provide proof they know will be impossible to provide. She will be bullied to get her to drop the charges. She will be told by authorities that there is nothing they can do. She will be laughed at as she cries. And her attacker will be defended by people who weren’t even there. And you know all these things will happen, because they happened to you.

Many of you are haunted by your attacker or rapist. They are family. They are your spouse. They are your clergyman, or teacher, or boss. They are around, and they try to control you. But when you’re alone in that booth, you’re free. At least for those few minutes, you are absolutely free, and they will never know how you use your vote. But you deserve to be heard. You deserve resonance, not because you’re a victim, but because you’re a human being. In that moment of freedom, you can make an actual, measurable difference to the next girl who goes through what you’ve gone through. Use it wisely.

Kelly, it took a lot of guts to reveal something so personal and painful here in such a public way, and I think you’re amazing for doing so. I mean that. I’m honestly sorry for what you went through. Unfortunately, what you have experienced is unforgivably commonplace, so I’m sure many of the women reading this can relate. But your assertion that this is not a political issue is absurd. Rape and women’s’ reproductive rights have been politicized in this country since the first anti-abortion laws were passed in the 1820s. As soon as rape became a legally accepted reason to obtain a legal abortion, rape has been used as a fulcrum by politicians and the religious right to legislate how much control men will allow women to have over their own bodies.

Women had no say in this; it started nearly 100 years before they were allowed to vote. And in that time it was politicians who defined and redefined rape to suit their needs. It was politicians who set statutes of limitations on rape, and it was politicians who decided the penalties rapists faced. All without the input of the very group of people who were the most victimized by rape. Rape is very much a political issue, and it has been for a long time.

As for your comments about Monica Lewinsky, I feel like your comments are not there to provide any justification for how the Republicans have acted. I feel like you’re trying to smear the Democrats. And you know what? That’s fair. How Monica Lewinsky was demonized by the Democrats was repugnant and unforgivable. What happened to her is another symptom of the hypocrisy surrounding sexuality in our country. But simply saying “what about” some past issue doesn’t constitute a valid point.

Monica Lewinsky was not forced into a bed with President Clinton, nor was she the victim of attempted rape. She herself has always maintained that the relationship was consensual and mutual. Never in the Clinton impeachment proceedings – that I have seen or read – did anyone mock the victims of rape. At no point during Lewinsky’s testimony did any politician imply that she didn’t know what rape was, nor imply that she was misremembering who it was that covered her mouth as she tried to scream for help as he was trying to rape her. Bringing Lewinsky into this conversation is an attempt at a smokescreen, and not a very good one. Monica Lewinsky was mistreated by the Democrats, there’s no denying that. But comparing her hearings to proceedings in which a victim of attempted rape was purposely mocked and made the subject of pointed public ridicule is misleading and dishonest.