This is the America we live in now. This is what we’ve allowed ourselves to become. Twenty years ago it would have been unthinkable for a mayoral candidate from any party to speak like this in public. It would have been political suicide. But this is a Republican mayoral candidate, and this is the state of Republican public discourse. This is what they want in office. This is what we’ve allowed ourselves to be reduced to.

Affordable Care Act

For YEARS Republicans have been saying how obvious it is that the ACA is flawed, and terrible, and needs to be repealed, and bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Yet, with Republicans now holding unprecedented control over the government, none of them can come up with anything better. NONE OF THEM. It’s almost like they were just blatantly lying this whole time, isn’t it? It’s almost like they have been lying and have no fucking clue what to do now that they’re under the gun. It’s almost exactly, precisely, unerringly like that.

There is no ACA failure. It’s doing precisely the job it is supposed to to, which is keeping Americans healthier and out of more medical debt. It has never been a failure. It’s working extremely well. The only people claiming it has failed are the same people who have consistently failed to come up with anything better. Not only have Republicans failed to come up with anything better, they’ve failed to simply remove the ACA. Not replace it, mind you; they failed to even shut it down. They call it a disaster, and yet they can’t manage to even repeal it. And the reason is that it helps so many Republican voters save so much money that killing the ACA will cost Republicans their jobs. They can’t do it, and they knew they couldn’t. They’ve lied the whole time, not because they were anti-ACA, but because they were anti-Obama.

Republicans started calling the ACA “Obamacare” as a pejorative, hoping it would bolster opposition, and it did. And Republicans were voted into office on a wave of anti-Obama fervor with the promise to end Obamacare ringing in their heads. Only now that they’re faced with keeping their campaign promises, they are forced to confront with what they already knew: that the ACA is not only working, but working so well that repealing it will end their political careers. So this will be yet another Republican campaign promise that comes to nothing, which is something the country has come to expect these last few months. Big, bold Republican talk followed by abject failure. And the ACA, which is rolling along just fine after the Republicans named it in honor of Obama, looks like it’s gonna be around for a good, long while.

It’s My Party

Frosting is the only reason I eat cake. When I eat cake, I don’t stop because I’ve had enough cake, I stop when I’ve had enough frosting. So, if you think about it, cake is just needless calories and unnecessary carbs. It’s almost irresponsible to eat cake just for the frosting. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s my birthday, and I’m going to eat this dark chocolate frosting straight out of the tub, so back up off my ass with the judgment.

If you’re turned on by chocolate, you essentially missed some porn a few minutes ago. Because I ate the fuck out of that frosting.