“Everybody, a toast!”

“As the old year draws to a close, one can’t help but reflect on what hasn’t been done and what can never be reclaimed. Say what you will about this year; it is lost, it is gone. And as I look around me, I can honestly say there is no group that I would rather be with to face the grim spectre of Death racing with blinding speed so inexorably towards us. Cheers!”

Happy New Year, from The Sci-Fi Guys!

The Interview

It’s easy to point fingers at Sony and blame them for pulling the release of The Interview, but, really, what else could they do? Theaters were refusing to show it. American theaters, owned by Americans, on American soil, frequented by American consumers willing to part with American money to see an American film, collectively decided that, when threatened via fucking email by an anonymous source in North Korea, they should surrender.

There’s a reason freedom of speech and expression was the first of the Constitutional amendments. It’s enormously important. It not only defines our freedom to project our own thoughts, but it protects our rights to hear what other people have to say. It protects our fellow Americans who may have things to say that we want or even need to hear. Even if those things are couched in the format of an openly farcical, over the top comedy. Perhaps especially so.

So when any of us, particularly those whose business it is to distribute forms of expression, decide to capitulate to the will of another nation and allow a foreign government to determine what Americans on American soil will be allowed to see, or read, or hear, or watch, we have lost what it means to be American. We are, all of us, damaged. Diminished. Another little piece of our country is gone, and the terrorists responsible didn’t have to fire a single bullet. We gave up our rights and freedom to give and receive new ideas because some North Koreans sitting behind keyboards on the other side of the planet told us to. And we did. Normally I’m very proud of my country and my fellow Americans. But not so much today. This one’s on us.


Look, I’m only going to say this one more goddamned time. I had no idea there was a baby in the car. I just needed some wheels, man.


J. K. ROWLING: This is the last Harry Potter story ever ever.
ME: What the fuck ever. The money will start to dwindle and she’ll go right back to the well.
EVERY HARRY POTTER FAN: Fuck you, Chris! She’s had this ending planned since the beginning! How dare you impugn her integrity?!? I hope the Devil rapes you in the mouth!!

ME: My cock, bitches. Suck it.