The City On The Edge Of Forever

“Now, I don’t pretend to tell you how to find happiness and love when every day is just a struggle to survive. But I do insist that you do survive, because the days and the years ahead are worth living for. One day, soon, man is going to be able to harness incredible energies, maybe even the atom. Energies that could ultimately hurl us to other worlds in some sort of spaceship. And the men that reach out into space will be able to find ways to feed the hungry millions of the world and to cure their diseases. They will be able to find a way to give each man hope and a common future, and those are the days worth living for… Prepare for tomorrow. Get ready. Don’t give up.” – Edith Keeler, 1930


Five species of venomous snakes can compress their bodies into a functional airfoil, allowing them to glide and control their flight. “Flying snakes are able to glide better than flying squirrels and other gliding animals, despite the lack of limbs, wings, or any other wing-like projections, gliding through the forest and jungle it inhabits with the distance being as great as 100 m.” Note to self: KILL ALL THE SNAKES.

Click the pic to read the flying snakes article on Wikipedia. The DOD is already studying these slithering tubes of nightmare fuel.

It’s Just Beer, Part 2

Bartenders, the longer you spend yammering on about about your pretentious arthouse microbrewed porters and your locally sourced super dark IPAs, the more likely I am to ask “Do you guys have Bud Light?” just to piss you off.

This isn’t Germany. You don’t have an ancient Saxon recipe specific to your bierhaus. I’m just looking for a cheap buzz. I’m tired of the monologues I have to endure before the ordering even takes place. It’s like every bartender is a Hollywood agent and their beer MUST HAVE THE PART!

If I were on a brewery tour I never would have a problem with it. I would expect it, and maybe be a little disappointed if it didn’t happen. But when you’re slinging “cheeze stiks” and Jello shots while people karaoke “Boot Scootin’ Boogie,” I think it’s probably time to drop the pretense and just hand me a cold Miller.


The hypocrisy of mothers breastfeeding in public sickens me. I’m expected to be nonplussed and never stare nor react, but when I latch on and take a sip to show I’m cool with it, they’re allowed to just freak the hell out on me? Double standard much??


Tonight’s episode: “The Church Ladies”

For the last half hour, two portly white trash women (I had to look to confirm gender) have been screaming at each other at the top of their lungs, just across the street. These classy ladies use the word ‘fuck’ more than I do. Did I mention they’re screaming right next to a church full of people? This could get very interesting…

They’re at the “Come’n git it! Come’n git it!” phase of the confrontation. Shouldn’t be long now…

Holy damn… ASTOUNDINGLY hot church brunette just came out of the church’s side door “to smoke.” She could be a model. Fuck, she should be a model. My quotes around “to smoke” is not a reference to her unbelievable sexiness, although it sure as hell could be. The quotes are there to indicate she was only outside long enough to light up, check out the action, then get on her phone. Pretty sure the cigarette was just an excuse to exit and call 911. The cops have surely been notified, which will ruin my fun utterly. Church hottie is hanging around just inside the glass door, presumably waiting for 5-0 to arrive. This is why I don’t dig church girls; no matter how beautiful they are, it seems they only live to block cock. What a shame.

And that exquisite woman in the picture above? Church hottie was even prettier. Not joking.

This woman is 150,000% more appealing than either of the jabbering howler monkeys involved in this altercation, but you get the gist.

For the sake of transparency, I don’t technically live in Newport anymore. This is taking place in a little suburb of Newport. But this has a definite Newportesque vibe to it. I think they may be Newport refugees. You can just smell the Newport coming off of this situation.

I was in my house watching through the window from across the street and I could still hear everything perfectly. It was LOUD. I still don’t know what started it. That must have been the quiet before the screaming storm. By the time it got loud it was all “What the fuckin’ fuck do you want me to fuckin’ do?!” and “You know whatchu fuckin’ done! You done fuckin’ did it!” There was no context, only fury and vulgarity. Reason and purpose had been burned away in the crucible of anger. Only hostility remained. It was a very pure experience, in an odd way.

This has been another chilling episode of…

Theatre Of The Absurd

I’m so glad Bill Nye and the psycho at the Creation Museum are going to debate. I’m sure this will 100% conclusively settle everything once and for all.

There is an active, concentrated, well funded effort to eliminate it from schools. When I was in high school I asked my biology teacher where the evolution chapter of my textbook was and she explained that she wasn’t even allowed to TALK about the absence of evolution in the curriculum. She had already been instructed on how to deny information about evolution to students like myself WHO SPECIFICALLY REQUEST SUCH INFORMATION. I asked her point blank “So someone else has decided my education will be incomplete?” And she had a pained look on her face when she told me yes. I realized at this point that she was being forced into this to save her job, and it was not her fault, so I dropped it. But it pissed me off. It’s 20 years later, and I’m STILL pissed off. And it killed her to leave evolution out, too. I think she was almost as pissed about it as I was.

The whole campaign by the Christian creationists was not for equal time, as they claimed, but to actively eliminate evolution as an option for even those students who wanted to learn it. Ignorant, zealous, low level local government in the form of the school board had decided their religion was superior to hundreds of years of scientifically accumulated knowledge, and therefore I would go to college without receiving the same fundamental evolutionary biology education that middle school children are given in other countries. You’re goddamned right I’m pissed off.

I could go on, but I think Isaac Asimov said it best: “…Imagine the people who believe such things and who are not ashamed to ignore, totally, all the patient findings of thinking minds through all the centuries since the Bible was written. And it is these ignorant people, the most uneducated, the most unimaginative, the most unthinking among us, who would make themselves the guides and leaders of us all; who would force their feeble and childish beliefs on us; who would invade our schools and libraries and homes. I personally resent it bitterly.”

The Name Of The Rose

“How peaceful life would be without love, Adso. How safe. How tranquil. And how dull.”

If you haven’t seen The Name Of The Rose, I recommend it. Haven’t read the book yet, but I understand Sean Connery performed this line directly from the original text. And his delivery was PERFECT.