“I guess you forgot about the time you and Bravo company left my black ass for dead, huh? But I remember. I remember everything. I remember Vietnam like it was yesterday. I remember that village in Tainan that we cut down. It was a massacre. All the dead Chinamen we left in our tracks. I remember the faces, the children. This one child I’ll never forget. Poor little bastard was still alive. His little Chinese legs were blown clean off. Still see his little shins and feet hanging from the ceiling fan across the hut. He was charred from his head down to his little Chinese knees. He tried to get up, but he fell over when what was left of his right leg broke off. As he laid there, flat on his face, he looked up at me. His little Chinese eyes burned right into my stomach, deep into my soul. He said something to me in Chinese like, ‘Boo coo sow!’, sounded like some cartoon shit. But I understood it to be a question that he was asking me. And I don’t have to know how to speak Chinese to know what that question was…”
If anyone is looking for a Christmas gift for me, a little of this would come in handy right about now…
Happy birthday, Keith.
The Ugliest Christmas Tree In The World – November 28, 2011 – December 19, 2013
It is with great sadness that I must report that The Ugliest Christmas Tree In The World is no more. The ravages of sun, time, and water damage were simply more than he could bear. Rest in peace, you magnificent pink bastard. It won’t be Christmas without you.
I’m being so sincere right now
Even though you broke my heart and killed me
And tore me to pieces
And threw every piece into a fire
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you…
And I’m still alive…
Quite possibly the greatest Christmas song written in my lifetime. Or anyone else’s.
“Forgiveness does not turn chicks on like Old Spice shower gel.”
So I opened the mail today and this happened…
And now I’m all smiles.
First Christmas present of the year. With lights AND sounds. Jealous, bitches?