White Flour

“Nelson Mandela is the most famous black man ever sent to prison, and I don’t even know what sport he played.” – Paula Deen

The woman is a menace. Did you hear about the new restaurant she’s opening? It only serves crackers.

Mr. Warmth

Don Rickles just told Paul Schaeffer that he laughs like a Jew pirate. Going to sleep with a smile on my face.

Chris reviews The Master

Just watched “The Master.” It was dismal and glacially slow, but at least it was also pointless and depressing. Anybody wanna come over for a group suicide?

“What’s it about?” you ask. Well, maybe not you, but Mark asked.

I would have to say it’s about a writer/director’s quest to take three perfectly great actors and put them in a film so dreary and self important that you can never like them again. And it worked. Phillip Seymore Hoffman (or however you spell that) just got out of rehab, and the whole time I was watching this movie I just kept thinking, “Jesus Christ, why didn’t they just let him OD?”


Tonight’s episode: “Ugly Children”

I have been witness to an inordinate number of extraordinarily ugly babies which grow up to be beautiful adults. Extrapolating from this observation, I am forced to conclude that in approximately 20 years Newport, KY will boast the most stunningly attractive populace on the face of this planet. ‘Cause the infants around here are straight up goblins.

This has been another harrowing episode of…