Because Fuck Him, That’s Why

After hearing his stupid name mentioned no less than 50 billion times in the last year, it was extremely satisfying to watch the New England Patriots spend four quarters beating Team Tebow’s ass like a meat piñata.

Cupcake Pebbles Cereal

Flintstones Cupcake Pebbles cereal sounded like a really good idea, and it smells wonderful. Like Coldstone’s cake batter ice cream. But I can tell you right now I’m going to throw up. I feel it coming on. I’ve felt like shit since I ate it. That stuff ain’t right.

Fuck Tim Tebow

Must everything be tainted? Can’t we just enjoy the fact that the Steelers lost without having to to hear, every 30 seconds, about Tim motherfucking god damn Tebow? Why are so many people bending over backwards to suck his dick? Did he defeat them singlehandedly? As I understand it, his record is shit. Pittsburgh fans should pool their money and pay Roethlisberger to fly to Denver and rape him. Should be an easy job, Big Ben. I hear those Christian boys love to kneel and bend.

UPATE: There was Christian whining. I’ve never said anything negative about him just because he’s a Christian. I hate him because I hear about him constantly. I’m fucking sick of him. I’d be just as sick of him if his name was Tim Tebostein or Tim bin Tebin. The only reason I bring up the Christian thing is because he does. Constantly. And just for the record, I hate Roethlisberger, too. He and Tebow can both go fuck themselves, and I don’t give a good god damn what religion either of them are. Tebow’s religion is like Roethlisberger’s dick: each of them needs to learn to keep it to himself.

“Fuck him with a 18″ purple rubber cock right in his self-righteous ass.”