The Ghosts Of Christmas Past: Christmas Eve, 2011

My cousin Lori HATES “Blue Christmas.” And, foolishly, she allowed this information become public knowledge. So a few years back my brother and I took it upon ourselves to call her and sing it, repeatedly, either to her or her voicemail. It’s gotten to the point that if she sees either of us calling between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, she won’t even answer the phone. So naturally my entire family adopted this as a Christmas tradition. Even her own mother plays the song to irritate her. So you can imagine how thrilled she was when my uncle hired an Elvis impersonator to come to our family’s Christmas Eve party and perform a whole set of Elvis classics, starting of course with “Blue Christmas,” during which Lori’s husband Larry and I stood in as backup singers. Thank you. Thank you very much.

The Elvis impersonator was 60 years old, injured, and on painkillers, so he had limited range of movement, slurred speech, and kept singing the wrong words. All in all, one of the most accurate portrayals of Elvis’s later years I’ve ever seen. I discovered this night that, even when you’re standing five feet away from a live performer, it’s impossible to listen to “In The Ghetto” without hearing Cartman singing it in your head. That’s just a thing now.

After the Elvis impersonator left, we played Cards Against Humanity. A very traditional Yuletide celebration, just as the baby Jesus intended. Best Christmas Eve EVER!

Geek Chic

Is it just me, or are actors at their very best when playing dorks and nerds? Matt Damon in “Informant!,” Christopher Lloyd in the “Back To The Future” films, Simon Pegg and Michael Cera in pretty much everything they’ve ever done. And the king nerd role of all time, Sean Connery in “Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade.”