“I seek not beyond death. It may be the blackness averred by the Nemedian skeptics, or Crom’s realm of ice and cloud, or the snowy plains and vaulted halls of the Nordheimer’s Valhalla. I know not, nor do I care. Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content. Let teachers and priests and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content.”
So the lovely and talented Jen Tackett asked me to watch this movie and figure out which quote was her favorite. I’ve narrowed it down to the following:
- “I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!”
- “Fuck Randy and his high score.”
- “Stay black.”
- “Well, that’s good news: snakes on crack.”
- “Brakes, Troy! Put ya ass into it!”
This movie cracked me up. I loved it!
Jen, you were right, Snakes On A Plane was the perfect blend of funny and stupid. I think that from now on I’m gonna fist bump every little white kid I see and tell them to stay black. That shit was too funny.
I found it. After four years of thinking it was dead and buried, I found it. Or maybe it found me…
Hey, DanM, guess what. It’s gonna be a time travel movie. Seriously. Should I go ahead and reserve your seat?Continue reading “When you hear the chimes at midnight…”
Upon this edifice shall an action figure deemed unworthy to live be burned until dead. Thus was the will of the public. Thus spake the voice of the people. So shall it be done.Continue reading “Action Figure Execution II”
I’m in a bad mood and want to indulge in some questionable entertainment. So I’m letting you decide, Facebook. My choices are to watch Snakes On A Plane, read a stack of probably horrible Halloween horror comics I got from the 25¢ bin, or build a miniature gallows out of matches on which I will execute an action figure. Your call, Facebook. What am I going to do?
Just an FYI, I have not seen nor read the movie or comics, so I don’t know how good or bad either will be.Continue reading “Questionable Entertainment”
Son of a bitch! I knew it had to end some day, but still… it hurts. It’s been a hell of a ride. But Papa John’s customer tracking system finally got wise to the fact that I’ve been using the same buy one extra large get one free coupon since 2007. Goodbye, little buddy. You’ve been damn good to me. I’m gonna miss seeing you hanging on my fridge. 🙁
The guy on the phone was asking all kinds of questions about the coupon. “What does it look like, sir? What is the expiration date? Does it say ‘FUNDRAISER’ at the top? Is it paper or cardboard? Are the edges cut or perforated? Is there anything on the back?” The guy was trying to sleuth out the origin of this coupon like Batman searching for clues. It’s like he was taking it personally.
Just occurred to me that that coupon lasted longer than my marriage. Time to kill self.
I can come clean now. Despite growing up in the 1980s, until last night I had never seen an episode of The A-Team. Never. Not one. But I found season one on sale for $5, and now my life is a little closer to complete. I love it when a plan comes together.
Finally, my shame has ended and the healing can begin.
Huge props to Fox19 for taking a massive multi-million dollar fireworks display, an event that looks good from virtually any vantage point, and managing to film it in the very least interesting way possible. I particularly enjoyed the repeated shots of darkness with flashes of light offscreen letting us know there were explosions not being filmed. I only wish there was an award for shittiest local news.