You the shower curtain fella?

“I’m to drive you to Wichita to catch a train? Train don’t run outta Wichita. Unlessin’ you’re a hog or a cattle. People train runs out of S-St-Stubbville…”

“You’re in a pretty lousy mood, huh? You ever travel by bus before? Your mood’s probably not gonna improve much.”

“She’s short and skinny, but she’s strong. Her first baby come out sideways. She didn’t scream or nothin’.”

I swear to god, I would trade the lives and souls of any 20 of today’s directors for just one more John Hughes movie. Just one more. Best goddamned Thanksgiving movie ever made.

Tales From Newport!

This week’s episode: “Pepper Pod”

I went to Pepper Pod sober, which makes me the only person I’ve ever known who can truthfully say that. The smell is… concerning. But that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the cheeseburgers.

The cheeseburgers at Pepper Pod are amazing. Not because they’re good, but because they literally have no flavor whatsoever. No part of that burger had any taste. At all. It’s technically there and it does its job, but it had no presence. It was the culinary equivalent of the number zero.

And then came the belches. Dear God, those cigarette smoke and stale meat belches. I might as well have eaten the nicotine stained paint off the walls. Don’t eat Pepper Pod sober, friends. For the love of all you hold dear, just don’t do it.

This has been another chilling episode of…


Abraham, Moses, Buddha, Confucius, Jesus, Muhammed… whatever. They all taste the same to Great Cthulhu.

Thaddeus Ghostal

I forgot how damn funny Space Ghost: Coast To Coast is. I’ve been watching these DVDs for the last five hours, and I don’t plan to stop until I finish ’em.

Space Ghost Coast to Coast Opening Theme

Brought to you by Ol’ Kentucky Shark of Kentucky Nightmare Talk Show Liquor Corporation.

“A shark on whiskey is mighty risky. A shark on beer is a beer engineer.”