Mrs. X writes:

Mrs. X is the best thing that ever happened to science-fiction… or the world! No seriously,

Mrs. X is just a girl… a damn good-looking girl who likes sci-fi, and, more importantly is best friends with Chris, who got her the gig in the first place. Mrs. X likes long walks on the beach, puppies, doing the New York Times Crossword…

Seriously, Mrs. X is way into the X-Files. Way into the X-Files… David Duchovny if you're reading this, call me! She also likes vampires, Russian sci-fi, and anything dealing with a sci-fi Old West. Just a side note: please do not tell her that she would enjoy Firefly/Serenity because they have to do with sci-fi and the Wild West. THEY DON'T, AND THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE IS INTERESTED IN! She likes things that are set in the actual Old West with a sci-fi twist. Think Wild, Wild West or Deadlands.

Mrs. X is just thrilled to be a part of the Sci-Fi Guys team, and can't wait to indoctrinate the masses with her superb insight and witty remarks. So do what ya feel, and keep both feet on the wheel; you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. So until next time…

Chris adds: Seriously fucked up things have been happening to me since Mrs. X joined the team. Black helicopters are always circling my house, and the other night I saw this weird puddle of oil on the sidewalk start moving toward me. I ran like hell, but I was stopped by three pale men in black suits. They were wearing sunglasses… at night. I don't know what was up with that, but they started asking me all kinds of questions about Mrs. X. Then the guys in black spotted the oil, and they all just sort of dissolved into bees, and attacked the oil. I thought I would be stung to death in the swarm, but some old dude came out of nowhere and dragged me into this abandoned building. He put an 'X' on the window with masking tape and shined a flashlight on it. While his back was turned, I ran like a bastard. I don't think anyone followed me, but weird things keep going on. People have been calling my home phone and asking for Mrs. X. And look at her name… how the fuck does that happen?!? My tapwater tastes funny. I haven't slept in weeks. The other night, I heard a voice from the drainpipe in my bathroom sink. I think they're watching me. They're inside my head. You know… them.

Mrs. X writes again:

Favorite Sci-Fi TV Series: The X-Files, The X-Files, The X-Files, and did I mention The X-Files?

Favorite Fantasy Novel: I'm going with George Orwell's 1984 on this one. What a classic and a great commentary on the ills of socialism, communism and political correctness. V for Vendetta ain't got nothin on this novel. A close second would have to be a Clockwork Orange, ya gotta love violence just for the sake of violence.

Turn-Ons: 80's hair metal, long hair (on guys), David Duchovny, watching the X-Files in the rain ($50 dollars to anyone who can tell me where I got that reference)

Turn-Offs: People who laugh at classic movies, which were not intended to be funny (long story), people, society, the human race

Favorite Sci-Fi/Fantasy Quote: "I haven't eaten since six o'clock this morning and all that was was a half a cream cheese bagel and it wasn't even real cream cheese it was light cream cheese" (Scully to Mulder after he asks her to go do another autopsy in one of my favorite X-Files episodes ever Bad Blood)

Currently In Her CD Player: I really don't use my CD player anymore since I got my IPod Nano, I currently have 375 songs on there, including all 4 Guns n Roses Cds and a bunch of Rock, Country and Jazz.

Favorite Color: Blue

Used To Look Like:Me

Currently Looks Like: Me

Chris responds: I WANT THAT $50!! Your reference is to "Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" by… hang on, let me Google it… Rupert Holmes! I'll go ahead and write a Mrs. X parody, "Weird Al" Yankovic style:

X-scape (The Cabo Wabo Song)

I was tired of my lady, she wasn't into sci-fi.

She never watched any Star Trek, she wouldn't give it a try.

So while she lay there sleeping, I logged into scifichicks.com.

And saw this personals posting with lots of sex appeal and charm:

"If you like David Duchovny, and watching X-Files in the rain.

If you're into western steampunk, if you have half-a-brain.

If you like making love at midnight, while watching Headbanger's Ball,

I'm the lady you've looked for, so just give me a call."

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.

But she just wasn't down with Yoda, and didn't want a time machine

So I wrote my posting, a sci-fi personal ad.

And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

"I want to do Dana Scully. I watch X-Files in the rain.

I love to drink myself a Strongbow, and play a quick Deadlands game.

I like to make love every midnight, to an old Stones mix tape,

So meet me down at Shamrock's, where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.

I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.

It was the lovely Mrs. X, and she said, "Oh, it's you."

And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew… "

You liked to drink some tequila, and watch X-Files in the rain.

And eat some German food and cider, and cranking Guns until there's pain,

That you like making love at midnight, and have old Wild, Wild West on tape.

You're the lover that I've looked for, come with me and X-scape."

Ha ha! Oh… so there really is a song called "I Wanna Watch The X-Files In The Rain" by Delphinium Blue? Well… fuck.