Gary Busey reviews everything
Star Trek. Cell. Year One. Halo. Halo 2. From A Buick 8. I got one word for ya – I REVIEW 'EM ALL! That's right, kids, your Uncle Gary's gonna give you more sci-fi reviews than my first wife had crotch warts. Yeah, doggy! Let's get on up in that!
There was a time, long before my motorcycle accident rearranged significant potions of my skeletal system and made me realize the power of the Lord resides IN ME!, that my Friday nights were spent cornholing illegal wetbacks and drinking whiskey from the old broken may-nase jar I keep in my toilet tank. But these days thanks to FAITH (Fantastic Adventures In Trusting Him) I am clear headed enough to sit down and write an article or two for The Sci-Fi Boys web blog. AND IT FEELS REAL REAL!
So I saw the new Star Trak movie. Hot damn, that sexy colored girl looks just like my second wife, except she ain't Korean and she had all her fingers. But, boy howdy, that brought back some memories. PRAISE THE LORD! Overall I liked it good enough, but there is something I got to say about the new Captain Kirk.
He ain't.
There, it's been said. Oh, dont get me wrong, all them kids did good enough and they did what they set out to do, but Captian Kirk is Bill Shatner. Period. Bill and I go back a ways and I can tell you a story to illustrate my point.
It was back in 1979 and Bill and I were at the wrap party for the first Star Trek movie. I was between wives then and Bill and I were sharing a tight little Philipino whore who didn't mind a little back door fisting action, if you catch my French. I was was about halfway through my first 8-ball of the night when I look up and see that ol' Bill Shatner is over in the corner fingerbanging Betty White.
Great things like this only happen for the first time once.
You have to understand that was another place and another time. It wasn't as if they were doing anything wrong. It's just that if you were at a Paramount wrap party in the late 70s there was like a 90% chance that at some point you were going to end up fingerbanging Betty White. We all knew it and we kept it classy. Hell, even my boy Jake has had a go at that and she's his rightfully baptized godmother. It's not something that was made into a big deal back then. Betty White is a woman with needs, and we all just accepted it as a part of the job.
Well, Bill's arm is shakin' and jerkin' like Marty McFly – I'm terrible! – and outta nowhere I see Bea Arthur on her knees gobbling on Bill's John Thomas like a Thanksgiving turkey. You should of seen that woman go! This was before Betty and Bea were on that show together, and I didn't know they knew each other. Heck fire, I didn't even know she was at that party. PRAISE THE LORD ALMIGHTY!
Bea's not with us anymore and I don't want to tell secrets on the dead, but I don't think I'm giving too much away when I tell you that it was pretty well known that Bea Arthur was the best lay the town of Los Angeles had seen since the the late great Mamie Van Doren's pussy dried up in the spring of '76. Spit ain't the same as natural juice (no matter what Mamie tries to sell ya) so Bea Arthur became the queen of the LA scene. What was not so well known was that she was packing both boy and girl down there parts, and she had a 9¾-inch piece of meat that was as big around as a Chinaman's wrist.
Well I look down to watch the money shot – Bill is a bit of a showboat and always finishes on their face, God love him – and Bea's big ol' tenderloin is standing up straight and hard as a four-foot fence post. Like I said, back then Bea was the queen, so she waited until Bill's yogurt cannon was good and empty, cleaned up, then she grabbed his hips and spun him around like a beaner kid in front of a piñata. All she said to him was "My turn."
At that point most men would have caused a scene and maybe caused the girl some embarassment. But first and foremost Bea Arthur was a LADY, and Bill Shatner is not most men. He's a class act. A GENTLEMAN. He looked at me as if to say "Oh, well – fair's fair" and then he took that big old flesh rod in the poop chute without so much as a word of complaint. THAT is what it means to be professional. Do you think that the new kid from the new movie would take one in the ass out of a sense of dignified professionalism and his desire to be courteous and gentlemanly to a fine woman of note and grace? I don't think so. And that's why Bill Shatner will always be Captain Kirk.
So, long story short, Star Trek was pretty good.
Your imagination is the hood ornament on your car of creativity.
Been reading some Stephen King. Read Cell and From A Buick 8. Cell was pretty good, but not his best effort. About people that get turned into zombies by a strange cell phone signal. It was alright but everyone knows zombies are enemies of the human race, and as such they need love. It`s good for everyone to understand that they are to love their enemies, simply because your enemies show you things about yourself you need to change. So in actuality enemies are friends in reverse. Love is the only way to cure a zombie. It's pretty straightforward logic if you're willing to expand your mind and see it. THE LORD WORKS THROUGH ME LIKE AN ENERGIZER BATTERY!
Cell might not have been his greatest book, but From A Buick 8 was like really good Stephen King from the late 70s. Back when he was on coke and could really get his s— in gear. It's like Christine, except for it's a different kind of car, there's no ghost haunting it, the main characters are Pennsylvania state police instead of a teenage boy, and the story's all completely different. But we all know Stephen King + car = Christine, so don't try to pull any fast one's over on old Papa Busey. It's like Christine.
I haven't read the first seven From A Buicks. Hell, I never even heard of the series until I saw this one. The little pimple faced fairy down at the book store said they didn't have any of the other'ns, but if they're anywhere as good as this one then I gotta read these things! Them monsters were f'ing CRAZY. He is still the master of fear.
You know what FEAR stands for? It stands for 'False Evidence Appearing Real.' It's the darkroom where Satan develops his negatives. Giddy-up!
Year One. Total failure. What a waste of time. Jack Black needs to take a lesson from my old Grandpappy Busey. Grandpappy would start the day off by hunting squirrels for breakfast, but one day he decided that instead of squirrels he'd eat some boar's bacon. Unfortunately Grandpappy used to use his own dried feces as projectiles when hunting, and although a hunk of dry turd will stun a squirrel if you get a good throw and hit him square in the head, all it does is piss off a boar and make them chase you till you fall down and they gnaw on you for a while until the doctors have no choice but to lose both your legs just below the knee. Grandpappy learned an important lesson that day, and he told it to me. "Garrison," he would tell me, "never dip lower than you can dip." And that's a fact. You know what FAILING stands for? It stands for 'Finding An Important Lesson, Inviting Needed Growth.' And you can count them beans all the way to the pot. Hallylewja!
Been playing a buttload of video games. They got a XBox down at the lobby of the headshrink where the government says I have to go get my pills. Some of them games is downright retarded and I fear for the youth of this nation and the sanctity of our homes and the future of the human race on this big, blue planet if kids keep playing corrupt crap like that. What the hell kind of game is Grand Theft Auto? Sounds like a bunch of inner-city street gang hooligan crap to me. CLEANSE THIS WORLD IN A SCOURGE OF FIRE!
But there are some good one's. Started up that machine and it made a weird noise like a robot farting. I laughed so hard I wee'd in my pants and had to go change my Depend. Then I played some of that Halo. It was good. Damn good. Halo 2 was pretty sweet too, but they made Master Chief into a pussy by taking all of his hit points away and only giving him the shield. God damn political assholes taking necessary things away from our troops. It's bullshoot.
I mean imagine the peace symbol. The peace symbol has three pieces in it. One piece is emotion, that's your body. Another piece has spirit in it, that's your fuel. Another piece has intellect in it and that's your steering wheel. You can never overdo the fuel that goes into the body, which is the emotions and the steering wheel to drive it. You can't take pieces out. It'll void your insurance and your warranty and the dealer won't fix it. Plain and simple. Should have kept the hit points. Other than that, though, not too shabby.
Nap time. Busey out!
August 22nd, 2009 at 1:57 pm
W T F ?
August 23rd, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Ok… Can someone translate this for those under 25?
August 24th, 2009 at 8:50 am
How about a translation for those of us over 25?
August 24th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Since we’re on the subject of whackos, this movie looks amazingly good:
http://www.lawabidingcitizenfilm.com/
August 27th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Anyone need a 7′ statue of Cthulu for their yard?
http://www.nethercraft.com/cthulhu.html
August 27th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
That statue isn’t bad, but I want one with the wings fully spread. Or maybe one where he’s sitting on that evil looking black throne I’ve seen in pictures. That would scare the hell out of the neighbors.
August 29th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Visited Mark and PopRox last night and watched the version of Taken that was released in the US and Canada. What a bunch of shit. They reshot and re-edited it, apparently to get a PG-13 rating. One of the most intense scenes in the film, the electrocution/interrogation, was watered down and chopped up very badly. In the original film they show Liam Neeson’s character stab the Albanian in the knees with gutter nails, then use the nails as electrodes to torture the guy. In the pussified PG-13 version, they cut out a lot of the scene altogether, and showed the battery cable clamps being attached to the metal chair he was tied to. In addition, it seems to me that a lot of the fight scenes were cut down by removing frames that showed killing, and instead showed the motion of killing, then a dead body. It made the entire film seem like it was cut for television. Badly. Fucking weak.
Part of the impact of the film in its original form was watching the way this man went from a loving, gentle father to a incredibly lethal badass who would mercilessly kill anyone who stood between him and his daughter. Weakening the brutality of the film weakens the entire point of the film, that this man was not a monster, but made a choice to be monstrous in order to protect his child from other monstrous people. Monsters don’t play nice, and neither should this film. The original version showed that in a most impressive way. Watering that down was an incredibly poor and disappointing choice.
Do yourself a favor and avoid the kid-friendly version. It’s not nearly as good. Find the original. Download it illegally if you have to. It’s totally worth it.
August 31st, 2009 at 9:01 am
Behold the power of money. Not only does is castrate great films like Taken, but allows shit like this to happen:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32626135/ns/business-media_biz/
Pow! Disney to buy Marvel for $4 billion
Spider-Man to team up with Mickey as company acquires 5,000 characters
The Associated Press
updated 9:39 a.m. ET, Mon., Aug 31, 2009
LOS ANGELES – The Walt Disney Co. said Monday it is acquiring Marvel Entertainment Inc. for $4 billion in cash and stock, bringing characters like Iron Man and Spider-Man into the family of Mickey Mouse and WALL-E.
Under the deal, Disney will acquire ownership of 5,000 Marvel characters. Many of them, including favorites such as the Fantastic Four and the X-Men, were co-created by the comic book legend Stan Lee.
Disney said Marvel shareholders will receive $30 per share in cash, plus 0.745 Disney shares for every Marvel share they own. That values each Marvel share at $50 based on Friday’s closing stock prices.
Marvel shares jumped $10.09, or 26 percent, to $48.74 in trading before the market opened. Disney shares fell 70 cents, or 2.6 percent, to $26.14.
Disney said the boards of both companies have approved the transaction, but it will require an antitrust review and the approval of Marvel shareholders.
Disney CEO Robert Iger said the acquisition combines Marvel’s “strong global brand and world-renowned library of characters” with Disney’s “unparalleled global portfolio of entertainment properties” and ability to maximize value across multiple platforms and territories.
*****
FUCK YOU MARVEL! You just lost any lingering respect I had for you.
August 31st, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Not only is this really cool, the person actually posted the instructions for anyone who wants to build it.
http://blogs.edmunds.com/straightline/2009/08/working-v8-made-of-legos.html
September 10th, 2009 at 11:00 am
HIDDEN!
Artist: William Shatner, featuring Joe Jackson and Ben Folds
Album: Has Been, 2004
HIDDEN!
September 10th, 2009 at 11:05 am
FNV is early this week because GOD DAMN, I LOVE THIS SONG! William Shatner is a fucking god.
September 10th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
There’s no easy way to draw attention to one’s own creations without sounding at least a little like a pompous ass, so instead of trying to avoid it I’m just gonna dive in headlong. HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOKY WHAT I MADE!!
Yep, it’s Lego Orthanc. Well, really I should call it Mega Orthanc, since easily 99% of this is made from the far-superior-for-castle-building Mega Bloks Dragon Wars bricks. To give you a sense of scale, I’ve got 10 foot ceilings, but it’s standing on an 18 inch tall table. I’d ballpark it to be in the seven to seven and a half foot range. Sci-Fi Girl and I made this a couple of years ago and it’s been smashed up in a Rubbermaid bucket for a long time. I finally got it back together in something very much like its original form. The pics aren’t that great, so just look at them and then sprinke on about 30% more awesomeness in your head. That’s what it looks like in real life. Sprinkles of awesomeness.
Click the pic for a closeup of the top. If you look really closely, you can see the tiny Gandalf trapped up there.
September 11th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Liam Neeson as Hannibal? I have no words.
http://scifiwire.com/2009/09/is-district-9-star-going.php
September 11th, 2009 at 7:36 am
That’s what the comic book industry needs. More control by Hollywood. Jesus fucking tap dancing christ.
http://scifiwire.com/2009/09/warner-to-take-a-stronger.php
September 11th, 2009 at 7:49 am
This is pretty good. Nothing like a little revenge to sooth the soul:
(BTW, Matt Selman is a writer for the Simpsons.)
http://nerdworld.blogs.time.com/2009/09/08/true-tales-of-conversational-vengeance/
True Tales of Conversational Vengeance
Posted by Matt Selman Tuesday, September 8, 2009 at 12:21 am
A few years ago, after a long day spent thinking of new nouns for Homer to say after “Mmm…”, my wife dragged me to the screening of a film directed by a friend. The film was fine. The rough part was the reception.
A room full of strangers is not my favorite social scenario. I prefer a room full of people who already think I’m great. My wife, however, enjoys new people, and she was soon making friends who we would never see again. Naturally she insisted on introducing me to one of them.
Alright, I thought. A New Person. No problem. I’m no misanthrope. Just pretend to be a nomal person who’s good at small talk: look people in the eye. Listen to what they have to say. Don’t just talk about yourself. Ask questions that show you’ve been listening. Laugh even if they aren’t funny. Don’t be a misanthrope.
In my memory, my New Person looked like a blond version of the actor who played Young Sherlock Holmes in Young Sherlock Holmes. So Blond Young Sherlock Holmes and I attempted conversation.
BLOND YOUNG SHERLOCK HOLMES: So, what do you do?
ME: I’m a TV writer.
BYSH: (IMMEDIATELY) I don’t watch TV. Really, I don’t even own a TV.
Okay, look, I’m fine with people never watching TV. They’re lying, but I understand. I don’t watch that much TV myself. But why do people at parties feel such smug delight at telling you (okay, me), without hesitation, that they don’t watch TV? If you met a dentist at a party, would you announce that you don’t brush your teeth? Would you tell a structural engineer that you don’t ride in elevators?
I get it. The TV consciencious objector is just establishing intellectual superiority over my highly paid dumb thing. Yeah, I’m no stranger to “I don’t watch TV.” But this time, as an experiment, I swallowed my annoyance.
ME: Yeah, TV is lame. Um, what do you do?
BYSH: I’m a post-doctoral student in English.
(Notice here that I did not say back to him, “I don’t read books in English. Really, I don’t even own a dictionary.”)
ME: Awesome. That’s so cool. What do you, I don’t know, study?
BYSH: Well, I just finished writing a book on Thomas Pynchon.
Blond Young Sherlock Holmes turned out to be a Pynchon nut. Loves Pynchon. He’s obsessed with him. And, in his obsession, I saw an opportunity for revenge on “I don’t watch TV” that would make me the Jew-fro-ed Moriarty to his Blond Young Sherlock Holmes. But first, I had to play dumb, reel him in a little.
ME: You wrote a book on Thomas Pynchon? Cool. Very cool. When does it come out?
BYSH: Well, it’s really an academic book. You wouldn’t see it.
ME: Isn’t he like a big recluse or something?
BYSH: You could say that. I mailed my book to Thomas Pynchon himself. But he won’t read it. His publisher won’t even accept any writing based on his work.
Now, over the Reichenbach Falls.
ME: I talked to him on the phone today.
YBSH: Talked to who?
ME: Thomas Pynchon.
YBSH: WHAT!?!?
ME: Yeah, Pynchon LOVES The Simpsons. This is the second time he’s been on the show. I directed him over the phone from New York. He sounds like a New York Grampa. Gruff but sweet. Good guy.
This had the benefit of being true. I had talked extensively to Thomas Pynchon that day. Not about anything substantial. Mostly about which word he should emphasize in the phase, “The Frying of Latke 49.” (It was “Latke.”) But it was a lot closer to America’s second most famous reclusive author (or second most reclusive famous author) than Sherlock was ever going to get. Vengeance.
After that, there was no going back to small talk. YBSH drifted off to the cheese cubes to ponder the colossal injustices of the universe, and I was left to ponder my crime against casual conversation.
Why should YBSH feel bad that a TV-writing ignoramus had casually punned it up with the guy he spent the last 10 years obsessing over? That some cartoon goofball had traded jokes with The Pynch-dog (as I assume he’s called) shouldn’t affect his academic passion for the novelist’s work. But part of me did want the snob to suffer a little for his casual dismissal of my craft. And for that I’m not proud. But maybe now he’ll watch a little more TV.
September 11th, 2009 at 7:51 am
I remain HIGHLY skeptical:
http://scifiwire.com/2009/09/d23-5-good-signs-about-th.php
D23: 5 good signs about the Disney-Marvel merger
News of Disney’s acquisition of Marvel might have inspired nightmares of a Mickey vs. Hulk spinoff or out-of-work actors dressing as Wolverine for the Electrical Parade. But Walt Disney Co. president and CEO Bob Iger put those worries to rest when he spoke about his company’s acquisition of Marvel studios today at the D23 Expo in Anaheim, Calif.
In his opening address at the first annual Disney fan convention, Iger’s brief Marvel-related comments offered promise for the merger of the two behemoths. At a press conference later in the afternoon, Iger expanded on Disney’s plans for Marvel and respect for the legacy they’ve already established.
1) Marvel stays Marvel. Paying homage to “The Mouse”’s tendency to water down material for its family audience, Iger addressed the big worry. “There will be no Disneyfication of Marvel,” he said in a press conference. He added that Marvel will continue to work independently. “We plan to keep Marvel as an entity and to respect both the talent that is there, working as one, and also respect what Marvel is and what the essence of Marvel is.”
2) It’s all about story and character. Twice in his address, Iger referred to the characters and storytelling in the Marvel universe. Later, he added that the studio behind Captain Jack Sparrow and Donald Duck recognizes good fictional talent when they see it. “It’s a business we’re very familiar with,” Iger said. “Well-known characters and weird stories and a product that transcends gender and age and geographic territories.”
3) For now, no Tony Stark’s Haunted Mansion. During his morning address, Iger touted the possibilities of Disney’s global resources to expand and tie in with Marvel. Later, he specified that Disney will respect previous Marvel deals. For example, Universal theme parks currently run Marvel-themed rides. Also, studios like Fox and Sony still distribute franchises like X-Men and Spider-Man, respectively. “There are also some legacy agreements that Marvel has in a variety of ways, to the theme park with Universal, to the distribution of the live-action films,” Iger said. “So until some of these things work their course, or until we get a better sense when the deal closes, there isn’t much planning that can be done until we reach an agreement.”
4) Pixar is paving the way for Marvel. Remember when Disney thought they could do without Pixar? They were going to make their own version of Toy Story 3 and everything. Then they realized that only Pixar is Pixar. Well, same with Marvel. Iger even brought in John Lasseter to help him make the case to Marvel. “There is a whole culture attached that was a huge part of their success, and I didn’t want to do anything that messed with that culture,” Iger said. “I had John Lasseter [talk to Marvel] with me and then without me, so that he could talk to them more about Disney. He gave them some perspective on that, and it was very positive.”
5) As Hannah Montana says, “It’s the best of both worlds.” Rather than harp on potential conflicts, edgy subtext vs. lucrative merchandising, etc., Iger focused on the potential for pooling Marvel and Disney resources. They already travel the same ground in creating story and characters for movies, television, literature and more. “When you look at it as a part of the Walt Disney Co., the presence of Marvel is virtually in everything that we’re in,” Iger said. “You can expect that over time, that’s what you will see. We became impressed with the talent of Marvel as we got to know them better.”
September 11th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Actually, this might be a really good thing for DC comics. I do not at all like the direction DC has gone in since 52 and Final Crisis. Literally hundreds of heores and villains killed off in the lamest ways, new minority-friendly characters replacing established characters just because they were white, and, my biggest complaint, Bruce Wayne supposedly buried in an unmarked grave next to his parents while Dick Grayson is the new, more lighthearted, fun loving Batman, and Robin’s role is taken over by Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne’s previously unknown illegitemate son who was grown in a lab and is a murderous, violent assassin. Seriously. What the fuck? DC is turning into some fucking ridiculous amalgam of Marvel and Image, two publishers I have come to loathe. Since Jenette Kahn left, things at that company have steadily declined. Warner Premiere has done some amazing work, and if this Diane Nelson chick can get things back on track, I’m all for it.
September 11th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
You’re right. That whole Batman thing is fucked up. I also forgot about the PC movement going on in their “universe”. I redact my previous exclamatory.
September 11th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Nice use of the word ‘redact.’
September 12th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
September 26, 2009 – Ohio Renaissance Festival
SCI-FI GUYS DAY! Be there!
(it’s unofficial….don’t be asking the staff to identify us)
Mark
September 12th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Mark has spoken! September 26th it is!
September 13th, 2009 at 12:55 am
Bastards! Why couldn’t you say October 3rd. I’m requesting that day off of work to go!
September 13th, 2009 at 6:51 am
This year I granted Mark the power of Supreme Overlord Of Ren-Faire Scheduling. I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do. Mine hands are bound, noble squire! Huzzah!
September 13th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Bunk I say. He picked the date less than 24 hours ago. Surely there’s time to reschedule to push it back one week.
September 14th, 2009 at 9:13 am
I second QBall’s request. I WAS available on the 26th but a sudden last minute change in plans has made my attendance impossible.
September 15th, 2009 at 7:17 am
This is pretty damn amazing:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32840280/ns/technology_and_science-innovation/
September 15th, 2009 at 7:27 am
In honor of Patrick Swayze, I think we all should have a Patrick Swayze Christmas:
Patrick Wayne Swayze
August 18, 1952 – September 14, 2009
September 15th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Damn you, Dan. You beat me to it.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Does this mean that pre-production has started on the sequel to Ghost?
Or maybe Dirty Dancing: Down Under?
Or how about just Dirt Dancing?
September 16th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Hmmm…I’m going with the bottom one.
http://scifiwire.com/2009/09/whats-your-pick-for-the-r.php#more
September 17th, 2009 at 8:06 am
September 20th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
This had me rolling…Rivendale in the house!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2f86R_Z0_xI
September 20th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Very funny mark. In the spirit of giving you random funny videos, i present this. God I hope M. Night doesn’t fuck the movie up…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiUtbcpjd8A
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:55 am
Hmmm….I wonder if the immortals will trade their swords for pimped out cars and race in bloody duels to the end Death Race 2000 style.
http://scifiwire.com/2009/09/fast-furious-director-wil.php
Fast & Furious director will tackle a Highlander reboot
Who said there can be only one?
Summit Entertainment is going to reboot the popular Highlander film franchise by handing the reins to Justin Lin, director of Fast & Furious.
He will direct from a script to be written by Iron Man writers Art Marcum and Matt Holloway.
The reboot will reportedly deal with an immortal Scottish swordsman who must confront a murderously brutal barbarian, who lusts for a fabled prize (or Prize?).
Unclear how much, if any, of the previous franchise’s mythology will figure into the reboot.
Fans know that the franchise kicked off with 1986’s awesome, loopy first movie, starring American-born, Swiss-raised Christopher Lambert as the immortal medieval Scots highlander Connor MacLeod and Scottish-born Sean Connery as an immortal Spanish nobleman with the improbable name Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez. The fact that Connery’s Scots accent remained intact and was better than Lambert’s only added to the film’s charm.
Central to the franchise’s increasingly Byzantine mythology are the sword battles in which one immortal beheads another to acquire his or her energy.
And while the first film supposedly ended with MacLeod as the last immortal standing, there always seemed to be more in the wings: The hit first film spawned four successively worse sequels, plus a pair of well-regarded TV shows (starring English actor Adrian Paul as Duncan MacLeod and Elizabeth Gracen as Amanda), not to mention an animated series, an animated movie, an animated flash-movie series, 10 original novels and 17 comic-book issues.
September 25th, 2009 at 7:19 am
These are some pretty awesome cakes:
http://scifiwire.com/2009/09/17-amazing-sci-fi-themed.php
September 28th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Ron Howard and HP Lovecraft? sorry. Can’t see it.
http://scifiwire.com/2009/09/should-ron-howard-be-maki.php
We love Ron Howard as much as anyone: Cocoon, Apollo 13, even Willow. But the news about his proposed movie about H.P. Lovecraft has us, frankly, terrified.
Howard may direct a movie adaptation of The Strange Adventures of H.P. Lovecraft, which is an Image Comics series that places the horror author in the middle of one of his own stories, kind of a supernatural detective a la Constantine, the Los Angeles Times reports:
“It very cleverly uses H.P. Lovecraft in a fictional way, but there’s some loose biographical elements. But it certainly has the flavor and the tone of Lovecraft,” Howard told me during an interview for an upcoming story on a different topic. “The character is a very young Lovecraft.” …
The young action-hero vision of Lovecraft feels not that far removed from the new-look detective in the Guy Ritchie version of Sherlock Holmes or perhaps a not-so-distant relative to the occult-savvy characters portrayed by Johnny Depp in the period pieces From Hell and Sleepy Hollow.
Now no knock against Howard and Mac Carter, who wrote the comic, but really?
Lovecraft, as fans know, was about as dark a writer as has ever been seen: His Cthulhu Mythos has as its central idea that the universe is far more indifferent, even hostile, to humanity than we can imagine, that the world at its core is ancient and evil.
For all his genius, Lovecraft himself was a pretty unpleasant character, the child of a psychotic and variously described as impoverished, depressive, hypochondriac, atheist, racist and suicidal, who died of cancer at age 46. Not that he didn’t have his reasons to be this way, but his life makes Poe’s look like a tea party.
Does this sound like the right material for a filmmaker widely considered to be one of the nicest guys in Hollywood, who once described his greatest achievement as “preserving a rich family life”?
The reason we’re afraid is because we have yet to see a definitive adaptation either of Lovecraft or his material on screen, despite some notable attempts, particularly the nasty horror movies of Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator, From Beyond). In particular, we have been dying for a proper treatment of Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos.
The one promising adaptation, of course, is Guillermo del Toro’s proposed movie based on Lovecraft’s “At the Mountains of Madness.” If anyone understands the darkness at the heart of the story, it’s the Oscar-winning director of Pan’s Labyrinth. But with del Toro mired in the quicksand of his Hobbit adaptations (which may be bogged down even more, if today’s news on Nikki Finke’s Deadline Hollywood is any indication), it would be at least five years until del Toro could even turn his attention to Lovecraft.
Here’s hoping that Howard decides to turn his considerable talents to something more appropriate; say, an adaptation of Dan Brown’s new book, The Lost Symbol. Please?
September 29th, 2009 at 4:55 am
Not really sci-fi related, but still highly amusing. Here’s an article about the subliminal use of imagery in advertising.
http://inventorspot.com/articles/spot_hoohoo_vagina_imagery_advertising_32673
September 29th, 2009 at 7:10 am
A little Predator update:
http://scifiwire.com/2009/09/first-look-at-robert-rodr.php
First look at Robert Rodriguez’s bloody, violent Predators
We’re as interested as you are in any info about the plot of next summer’s Robert Rodriguez-scripted Predators reboot. Today we got some tidbits from our friends at the Latino Review, who got a chance to read a 90-page script dated July 12, 2009 and shared some of that insider info with the rest of us.
The draft is a “bloody, violent, Hard-R script” that pits a team of seven kidnapped humans against Predators on the aliens’ home planet. Reportedly, the team of seven are:
Royce, a Steve McQueen type
Cuchillo, a Mexican enforcer for a drug cartel who has twin uzis strapped to his back
Nikolai, a bear of a Russian armed with a four-barrel gas-powered rotary machine gun
Isabelle, a French woman armed with a sniper rifle
Stans, a San Quentin prisoner with a shaved head, armed with a prison-made knife
Mombasa, an African member of the Sierra Leone death squad
Hanzo, a Yakuza enforcer
Edwin, an unassuming man who was formerly on the FBI’s most-wanted list.
We can’t want to see them in action on the screen next year, but until then, check out Latino Review for more details.
September 29th, 2009 at 8:21 am
This new Predator movie sounds so fucking bad. I predict Edwin will do all kinds of crazy killin’ and Isabelle will be unbelievably hot with great tits. Probably played by Rose McGowan. There will, at some point, be a close up of her eye as she aims the sniper rifle to take an important shot. She will have a crush on Royce. At some point Cuchillo will reach over his head with crossed arms and draw both Uzis at once while making a ridiculous war face, then yell as he shoots them. Because Mombasa is black he will be portrayed as a victim of his own society who, while a muderous bad ass, will be sympathetic and surprisingly moral. He will probably sacrifice himself to save others, just like real raping, murdering African death squad members do all the time in real life. Ten bucks says he carries a machete. Hanzo will have a sword, or at least a blade of some kind, and will be well dressed. Ten more bucks says he has a code of honor which comes into play at some point in the film. At the end of the movie, someone will join the Predator society after proving how bad ass they are. There will be lots of slo-mo and probably plenty of bad ass explosions. The movie will be color “corrected” with either a yellow or blue filter throughout nearly the entire film to make it look more bad ass. It will be made entirely of shots we’ve seen before in other, better movies. I think this is a horrible, horrible idea.
Here’s some characters they forgot to include:
- a Native American or Australian aborinige, tribe unimportant, who is spiritual and in touch with nature and who also happens to be a bad ass
- a streetwise hooker with hidden nurturing instincts, urban survival skills and a heart of gold and who also happens to be a bad ass
- an American white guy who actually has a history and description and who also happens to be a bad ass
- a woman who actually has a history and description and who also happens to be a bad ass
- an unsympathetic black criminal who is unapologetic about being a black criminal, who rapes, kills and steals throughout the movie and who also happens to be a bad ass
- a legitimate member of society such as a soldier, SWAT team member or professional martial artist who is not a criminal or unsavory character, but who also happens to be a bad ass
- a Russian, German, or Nordic character who is not a giant but who also happens to be a bad ass
September 29th, 2009 at 10:12 am
I think you nailed it Chris. Thanks! Now I don’t have to waste my money
I fearlessly predict this movie will make zero logical sense, a la Transformers 2.
My money is on Edwin really being a plant for the Aliens, hoping to strike at the Predator homeworld in an attempt to avenge their 10 thousand years of oppression. He and the others will somehow escapes into the wilderness where a Queen Alien will burst from his chest, eat everyone, and begin laying eggs. Faces huggers will emerge, impregnating every creature within a 1000 square miles. With her army in tow, the Queen will then launch an assault on the capital city. Millions will die, prompting the eldest predator to activate the planetary self destruct device. Everything is destroyed. Fade to black.
September 29th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I love her:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZEHAvpAy7U&feature=rec-HM-r2
September 29th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Oh my fucking god, I am in love with her. Thank you, Dan, for bringing that video into our lives.
September 30th, 2009 at 7:03 am
I mean it. I love her:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2rIpvsSZ3s&feature=related
October 2nd, 2009 at 10:23 am
Well it’s offical, Transformers 3 is on. Cthulu help us.
Hey Mike, instead of wasting your time taking a jab at Megan Fox, how about you focus on creating a movie that makes FUCKING SENSE?! I could pick any random episode from the original cartoons and find a better constructed plot.
http://scifiwire.com/2009/10/as-transformers-3-gears-u.php
Bay updates Transformers 3 and calls Megan Fox on her BS
Michael Bay
Great news for you fans of idiotic noisy giant-robot movies starring pickup-truck-rolling, left-hand-crushing young men and trash-talking, raven-haired gum-popping starlets: Director Michael Bay has said the third installment of Transformers is coming out in 2011, not 2012, and is already gearing up for production.
Writing on his official blog page, the Bayster makes the announcement himself:
Megan Fox in Transformers
Well its official: We have a great Transformers 3 story. The release date is now July 1st 2011. Not 2012.
Today is Day One. This morning started with an ILM meeting for five hours in San Francisco. Currently I’m flying with writer Ehren Kruger to Rhode Island to talk to Hasbro about new characters.
P.S. Megan Fox, welcome back. I promise no alien robots will harm you in any way during the production of this motion picture. Please consult your Physician when working under my direction because some side effects can occur, such as mild dizziness, intense nausea, suicidal tendencies, depression, minor chest hair growth, random internal hemorrhaging and inability to sleep. As some directors may be hazardous to your health, please consult your Doctor to determine if this is right for you.
Reading between the lines it feels to us like Bay is trying to publicly let Fox know he’s read her BS statements about him in the news, isn’t amused and wants her to shut up and get back to work. You may recall Fox was quoted comparing the auteur to Hitler, leading some anonymous “crew members” to accuse her of being a rude diva, leading Bay to say, no, really, she’s great, I love her. Whatever.
When does District 10 begin?
October 2nd, 2009 at 10:25 am
these are some bad ass pumpkins:
http://scifiwire.com/2009/10/star-wars-pumpkins.php
October 2nd, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Happy Friday!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc
October 5th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Anyone need some Cthulu toys?
http://scifiwire.com/2009/10/great-cthulhu-toys.php
October 5th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Did anyone see Stargate: Universe on fri?
October 6th, 2009 at 4:26 am
Elfie, I missed it. Did you catch it? If so, let us know how it was. I was hesistant when I heard about it, but the preview didn’t look too bad.
October 6th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
It was pretty good.
It all pretty much boils down to mixing Battlestar Galactica and Star Trek: Voyager, adding a splash of Lost in Space and smearing it on a plate shaped like Stargate.
Part 3 of the premire is on SyFy fri @ 9.
pts. 1 and 2 are on hulu now.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
October 7th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
I’m fearful yet interested to see how this turns out. I’m also wondering how they’re going to plausibly get this diverse group of characters together.
http://scifiwire.com/2009/10/predators-casting-a-more.php
Predators casting: A more girly approach?
Adrien Brody in The Pianist
The just-announced casting of Robert Rodriguez’s upcoming Predators prequel suggests a more girly-man approach to the material than 1987’s original.
Consider: The cast is reportedly led by Oscar winner Adrien Brody (King Kong, The Pianist) and Topher Grace (Spider-Man 3). Testosterone will be provided in the form of Rodriguez regular Danny Trejo and The Shield’s Walton Goggins. Alice Braga (I Am Legend), Oleg Taktarov, Mahershalalhashbaz Ali (The 4400) and Louiz Ozawa round out the multi-ethnic cast.
Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator
Compare that with the original cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Carl Weathers, Bill Duke and Sonny Landham. That’s a former weightlifter, a former wrestler, the guy who nearly knocked out Rocky Balboa and a former porn star (Landham) who was so dangerous the production reportedly hired a bodyguard … not for him, but for the other cast members. (Not to mention that the cast features two future governors.)
Instead, we have a guy who ran from a giant gorilla and Peter Parker’s whiny rival.
But we’re reserving judgment. Rodriguez has shown he can deliver a kick-ass manly action film, and it’s still early days.
Grace is reportedly in negotiations to play Edwin, an accountant who is in fact a dangerous serial killer.
Predators, to be directed by Hungarian filmmaker Nimrod Antal, is about to start shooting on location in Hawaii.
Here’s how The Hollywood Reporter describes the movie:
Written by Rodriguez, Alex Litvak and Michael Finch, the script follows a group of elite warrior-types who are being hunted by members of a race of merciless alien trackers called Predators.
Brody is a man who ends up inheriting the mantle of leader and is known as a hunter of men. Grace would play an accountant-type whose unassuming facade masks a dangerous serial killer.
Braga is the tough female killer. Ali is a man not afraid to die, Goggins is the loose cannon of the group and Taktarov is a former Russian special ops agent.
Trejo, already cast, is Cuchillo, a hardened warrior with twin Uzis strapped to his back.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Enjoy.
http://scifiwire.com/2009/10/sexy-female-stormtroopers.php
October 7th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
“Brody is a man who ends up inheriting the mantle of leader and is known as a hunter of men. Grace would play an accountant-type whose unassuming facade masks a dangerous serial killer. Braga is the tough female killer. Ali is a man not afraid to die, Goggins is the loose cannon of the group and Taktarov is a former Russian special ops agent. Trejo, already cast, is Cuchillo, a hardened warrior with twin Uzis strapped to his back.”
If you are very quiet and you listen very hard, you can almost hear the sound of a movie sucking from the future.
October 9th, 2009 at 10:00 am
I’ll reserve further judgement until a more definitive plot surfaces. Things are looking pretty weak though.
October 15th, 2009 at 8:43 am
Nail. Head. HIT.
Click to embiggen.
October 15th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Win.
October 15th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
somebody has issues…
October 17th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Halloween articles start tomorrow!
October 18th, 2009 at 11:07 am
March 4th, 2010 at 10:34 am
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March 5th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Does this still permit my airway to get air while I sleep?
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