DanM reviews Death Race Unrated
Disclaimer: I have not seen the original theatrical release. All comments are base solely on the unrated version so I won’t be able to tell you if the extra footage adds or detracts from the movie. My initial reaction is to say "yes, it will add to the movie" simply based on past experience. Anyone whose seen the extended editions of the LOTR movies or even the deleted scenes from a movie like Galaxy Quest would agree.
Death Race is set in the not too distant future where the economy has tanked and unemployment and crime has risen to staggering levels. Enter the Death Race, a pay per view reality meant to distract the beleaguered masses by pitting convicts with life sentences racing against one another in armed and armored vehicles in an effort to win their freedom. You’re free if you win five races.
Ok. I started this writing this review several days ago but had to stop because once again, things at work picked up and I didn’t have time to finish (customers are so god damn inconsiderate!). My original intent was to provide a serious and informative critique highlighting the triumphs and flaws so anyone reading could make an informed decision as to whether or not they should waste their precious time and money. However, as I began mentally reprocessing the movie I came to a startling revelation:
I enjoyed this movie; if I were to carefully scrutinize it with a critical eye, I’d end up hating it.
I don’t want this to happen. I firmly believe the purpose of any movie is to entertain. Fuck Oscar worthy dialogue. Screw deep or witty plotlines spewing drivel about the idiosyncrasies of life and how it should be lived. I already know this shit. If a movie is agile enough to keep my attention focused on the screen rather than the prodigious amounts of popcorn, pretzel bites, and soda surrounding me, then MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So to that end I’ll say Death Race: Mission Accomplished! Sorry, there will be no spoilers (quite honestly there isn’t much to spoil; the plot is about as deep as teaspoon of water and easily predictable). I will merely share the following:
What didn’t work for me:
-A few plot holes large enough to fly a 747 through
-Less than useless eye candy
-some trite dialogue
-Fast paced action
-Less than useless eye candy
-Guns: lots of guns, big guns, oh and flamethrowers, can’t forget the tank turret either
-Armed and armored vehicles trying to blow the shit out of one another.
-Most of the cast, given the script limitations (with a few notable exceptions **cough** Jason Clarke **cough**)
Should you waste time and money on this flick? I guess it depends on your movie philosophy. You have the plot. You know my philosophy. I do, however, fearlessly make the following predictions:
Who will like this movie:
Any male with an ounce of testosterone in his body.
Any woman who falls into one or more of the following categories:
-butch lesbian
-hard core role player
-gearhead/car lover
-fan of Jason Statham
Who won’t:
-Most women in general
-Men overly in touch with their feelings
-Intellectual elitists
-People who’ve spent their entire lives critiquing movies
March 5th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Sorry it took me so long to get this posted, but Dan’s review deserves some pics. Thanks again, Dan. Great review.
I couldn’t agree with you more. I dug this movie. It was completely unpretentious fun. It never talked down to the audience. It never took itself too seriously. It was a straightforward action movie. And it was about time.
Its very popular to try to make every movie dark and edgy nowadays. Disgustingly popular. Most of these movies try so hard they end up being just a pointless string of bad clichés filmed in unwatchable shades of cobalt blue. Movies like Death Race are great because they remind everyone that movies don’t need to be life changing or moody to be good. Fun is enough. Not to mention that Death Race has plenty of the two greatest things in the world: steaming hot chicks and Mad Max style cars. Plus it starred Ian McShane. The only thing that could make this movie more fun is if the cars transformed into flying ninja robots with lightsabers and Viking battle axes. Just as long as Michael Bay didn’t direct it.
Oh, yeah, and Natalie Martinez is in it, too. Yay, boobies!
March 5th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
March 5th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Jesus, Megan Fox must be absolutely desperate to win me over. She clearly likes me. She dresses all sexy every time she thinks there’s a chance I’m going to see her. First she stars in Transformers to get me to notice her. Now she’s going for my second favorite genre, supernatural westerns. And she’s gone right for the gold with Jonah Hex, arguably the most well established weird west character in the world, published by my favorite comics company. And now she’s sending me naked pictures of herself painted like a Supergirl.
Megan, honey, that’s enough. I get it. You like me. Its cool. I think you’re cute, too. Call me and we’ll go out. No need to keep putting it on display.
March 6th, 2009 at 10:57 am
A movie about water controlling humanoids? I think I’m turned on!
Mark
March 6th, 2009 at 11:02 am
new Star Trek Trailer: (#3)
http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/startrek/
March 6th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Speaking of Star Trek, William Shatner was at the Joseph Beth book store in Lexington yesterday when some guy shot and killed some other guy in the parking lot. The police natuarlly detainted everyone in the buidling for a while, including Shatner. He was later quoted in the paper that all he wanted to do was go to his truck, but couldn’t and that things like this happen where he is from (I’m guessing he meant LA), but not here (which I took to mean Lexington).
March 9th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Keeping the Trek theme rolling, Here’s a couple models of the new Enterprise:
http://scifiwire.com/2009/03/new-enterprise-models-go.php
March 9th, 2009 at 7:34 am
and we’re rolling:
http://scifiwire.com/2009/03/does-spock-fight-in-jj-abrams-star-trek-zachary-quinto-speaks.php
March 9th, 2009 at 9:21 am
I can’t believe Shatner was in Lexington and I didn’t know about it. I would have driven down. And maybe been shot. Damn, that would have been the coolest day ever.
March 9th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Wow. I think its really fantastic that J.J. Abrams employed blind retards to assemble these models of the Enterprise. Those people need to work, too, and in this economy its good to know that even the handicapped can contribute and make a difference.
March 9th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Who you gonna call?
http://store.glennz.com/callforhelp.html
March 10th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
March 11th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
wow.
http://www.slate.com/id/2213353/?GT1=38001
March 11th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
I always knew elves existed (see DanM’s article). I just promised them I wouldn’t say anything.
March 12th, 2009 at 7:54 am
This is bullshit. Let’s appear learned and pretend we’re challenging our belief system by going to a museum.
Anyone who believes in a literal interpretation of the Genesis account of the bible is a straight up wackado, or in the words of Lewis Black: STONE COLD FUCK NUTS!
The scientific evidence is overwhelmingly against you. But that doesn’t matter because you have faith. And that allows you to rationalize, well anything, to fit into your narrow little view of the world.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29628516/
March 12th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Dan, its asy to see exactly how fucking insane these people are. Reread your elf article.
We look at that article about a foreign belief and we recognize that its absolutely moronic. Completely fucking idiotic. As a matter of fact, that’s why the article was written. Everything about the tone suggests the author knows exactly how this will be received and agrees. The article might as well be titled “Foreign Retards Believe In Invisible Elves.”
Now, read it again and replace the word ‘elf’ with ‘angel,’ and replace ‘psychic powers’ with ‘faith.’ Sound familiar? If a Christian said that to you you’d never tell them it was nuts, because we’re trained not to. From an early age we’re taught that religion is off limits as far as debate is concerned. So we, as a nation, just sit by and say idiotic things like “Well, you’ve got to respect other peoples’ faiths” and “There’s lots of different points of view” and pretty much anything else you have to to allow yourself to rationalize the existence of such people. Saying that shit makes us feel open minded and noble and, more importantly to most people, helps us to avoid uncomfortable conflict, because we are a nation of intellectual and ethical pussies.
And then, before you know it, all the bullshit hands-off approach to dealing with zealots has resulted in the existence of places like Liberty University, which is, inexplicably, a fucking accredited school, where people earn legitimate Ph.D.s for promoting shit like this, and there are field trips to internationally reknown museums and centers of learning where idiotic assholes are encouraged to ridicule CENTURIES OF VALIDATED SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY because they believe in
invisible elvesgods and angels that you can only see withpsychic powersfaith. And religious people control what teachers can teach in public schools, and high school kids no longer have any idea how evolution works, and all of a sudden you live in a country that used to be #1 in the world as far as education was concerned, but over the last 20 years has fallen to at least #9 and is still dropping rapidly, even though we spend the second most on education per student in the world. But that’s okay, because you’ve got to respect other peoples’ religions. No way you can ever stand up to someone and tell them they’re an idiot. God forbid.March 12th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Why you hating on the elves? Elves need lovin’ too.
Anyway… here’s a bit of non-elf Marvel news for you.
March 12th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
damn, balthazar beat me too it.
Oh well.
SCHAWIING!!!
http://scifiwire.com/2009/03/confirmed-scarlett-johans.php
March 13th, 2009 at 1:21 am
OUTSTANDING. From Joe Nicolosi:
March 13th, 2009 at 9:59 am
WOW.