Chris reviews Quarantine
Hey, you know a great way to start the Halloween season? With a review of a horror movie. You know what an even better way is? A review of a horror movie you watched while sitting next to a real life psychopath. Come on in and I'll tell you all about how I almost got Mark murdered for Halloween.
It would be difficult to tell this story without explaining my current state of personal affairs, so I will do so now. I was laid off at the beginning of August, so I have been out of work for about two and a half months. Since the economy is shit right now few companies are hiring, so I've been living off of savings and a severance package that is now long gone. So I'm on what I refer to as "financial lockdown." No extraneous expenditures. Mark has been my friend for a very long time, and has seen me in the midst of prior lean times, and as he will tell you, when I go on financial lockdown I really mean it. I announce it openly so that people know not to bother asking me to do things that cost money. When I have ample cash I will spend it in often ridiculous ways without much thought, a flaw for which I am often rightly criticized. But when I decide not to spend, I'm REALLY serious about not spending. And movies are just about the biggest waste of cash I can think of. Any movie is a gamble that you're even going to enjoy yourself at all, and even if you do, you have nothing to show for it afterward and have spent money on gas getting there and the ticket getting in. In times of need a movie ticket is a thoroughly bad investment. Survey says: NO DEAL.
So if Mark calls me up and asks me to go to a movie, he is telling me that he's willing to pay. I've got to hand it to my friends: when I'm in need they really step up. I owe the other Sci-Fi Guys so many slices of pizza and white cardboard cartons of Chinese food that I couldn't begin to count it all. But Mark and PopRox take the cake. If they're hungry and I'm at their house, there's a huge plate of food for me, too. If they're going out to eat, I'm invited without a second thought. If we were girls I'd be obliged to start crying and hug them and tell them how much they mean to me and how much my life is better for knowing them, and how I don't know how I'd get by without them and blah blah blah. Thank god for my penis. I say thanks for the burritos, they say "no problem," and all the above is implied, understood, processed and put behind us. Ladies, say what you will about the emotional communication habits of men, but our methods are nothing if not extremely efficient. And dry. So when Mark called me up and asked me to go see Quarantine, I mentally added another notch onto the already lengthy "I owe you one" tally, and said "Sure thing."
STIMULUS – Mark is paying for yet another outing that I cannot afford.
GUILT LEVEL – 1
Another somewhat less than spectacular part of my life right now is my bathroom. It's had to undergo an unexpected and unavoidable renovation, and when Mark called I was in the middle of the last phase of the non-cosmetic construction. Pa Sci-Fi and I have ripped out the toilet, upgraded the plumbing, replaced a section of the floor which was quickly rotting away, and installed electrical outlets so that I don't keep having to charge my beard trimmer in the kitchen. You may be thinking that during a period of unemployment is not the ideal time to discover that one's toilet was installed by a substandard Cro-Magnon plumber and is slowly making its way through the floor on it's inevitable path to crashing into the basement, and you would be correct. But I wasn't left with a lot of choice. I knew we were finishing up, though, so I told Mark it would be no problem meeting him for the cheaper afternoon showing. Unfortunately projects of these kind often take a LOT longer than I think they will, so half an hour before showtime I had to tell Mark that I was going to be late, thus eliminating the possibility of catching matinee.
STIMULUS – I run very late, forcing Mark to either miss the movie or pay more for it.
GUILT LEVEL – 2
So after a LONG time, I make it to Mark's place, where he and PopRox decide that Mexican food is in order. Out we go.
STIMULUS – More delicious free burritos.
GUILT LEVEL – 3
After the food and getting into the movie–
STIMULUS – Mark pays for my full price movie ticket.
GUILT LEVEL – 4
WARNING: APPROACHING MAXIMUM GUILT THRESHOLD
–Mark and I made our way into a fairly crowded theatre. Mark spots some seats on the end of the aisle and nabs them, putting me on the very end seat. Not only do I hate looking at a movie screen off center, but I recently got glasses and I've been dying to see a movie with them now that I don't have to squint to make out fine detail. You read that right: I'm an out of work sci-fi geek, my bathroom is torn up, I'm fat and broke, and now I've got glasses. Please, ladies, one at a time.
Since I got these glasses I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. I've seen shit that'll turn you white. But I hadn't seen a movie. I really wanted to test these glasses out on the big screen, so Mark and I moved one row up and into the center of the cinema. Great seats… or so I thought. Halfway through the trailer for Saw V I see Mark staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I turn and am greeted with the single most disturbing rictus of terror I've ever seen on the face of someone who wasn't a victim of Smilex. He was looking at me as if I had turned into Pennywise and had tarantulas crawling out of my mouth. His head started trembling from side to side and bit by bit I came to realize that he was doing a muted, terrified version of the "look in that direction" head bob to indicate, judging by the expression on his face, something so horrific it would give Cthulhu nightmares. Little did I know he was pointing out a psycho killer.
The guy behind him was a dumpy and greasy looking. Stained white t-shirt, vacant stare, and a perfectly round belly that on any woman would have had other girls asking how far along she was. He looked like a loser, but I couldn't see the big deal. Why was this being pointed out to me? I was about to ask Mark what the hell his problem was when I heard it. It was quiet, subtle, but it was there.
"Huh! Charmer charmer. Rigatoni headroom!"
Dude was talking to himself. I did a quick check for a bluetooth or headpiece of any kind. Nothing. He was having a conversation that only he could hear. I've known Mark for nearly 20 years now, and he has never been one to cause a scene. There are only two things one can do in a circumstance like this: run screaming or laugh nervously to yourself as you wait to be murdered. Mark, in his ever present discretion, chose the latter. I looked back at him and he broke out in gales of nearly inaudible laughter, either from the situation or from the look of astonishment on my face, or both. Throughout the rest of the trailers this went on. I couldn't make out many of the words, but I heard the guy back there talking, and Mark's occasional whimper of fear and laughter. I took one last glance before the house lights went down for the movie and verified there was no bluetooth, no ear buds, no phone. Nothing. This guy was legitimately crazy.
When the lights went out he stopped. I thought maybe he was going to reign it in. But just before the lovely face of Jennifer Carpenter, a fellow Kentuckian and the star of Quarantine, appeared before us, Slingblade decided to break the silent darkness with an always appropriate exclamation.
"Yeah yeah! Hmm. Ho ho."
This dude was off his rocker. Mark laughed again, almost silently, and I heard him whine a diminutive, pleading "oh my god" either to himself or to me. Or maybe to whatever kind diety might have been listening on his behalf. He may have actually been praying for all I know.
I knew absolutely nothing about this film going into it. I had only seen the trailer twice, on TV, and neither time did I see the complete commercial. I think that really helped my appreciation of the movie. I also think that having an A-1 nutjob lurking about in the theatre set a good tone of tension, since I was not only trying to enjoy the film, but I was also constantly on the lookout for a maniac with a butcher's knife trying to kill me in the darkness. Since I'm shit at remembering names even when I'm not keeping an ear open for the crazy mumblings of Jack The Ripper sitting behind me, I'm just going to make up names for the characters.
The movie started out with Jennifer's character Hottie Mc A-Cup and her cameraman, Steady Black, who are a TV crew filming at a fire house to see what firefighters' work is really like. Steady Black is going to pull out some very unrealistically steady handheld camerawork as the movie progresses, but since more realistic camera shaking results in some of the nigh unwatchable scenes we were treated to in Cloverfield, I welcomed the break from accuracy. Steady Black was also a constant voice of reason unlike the moronic douchebag camera monkey in Cloverfield who I could not see die soon enough. Steady Black, you can be my wingman any time.
There's something to be said for the kinetics of sexiness. I've looked at a lot of pictures of Jennifer Carpenter while preparing this review, and none of them comes close to capturing her true physical appeal. She looked fantastic in this movie but some of these pics are downright unattractive. Don't judge her by these stills alone. I think she's someone you have to see in motion in order to fully perceive her hotness. Several times during this movie I was very much overwhelmed by the desire to make out with her. Maybe this was just my everyday lasciviousness at work. Or perhaps it was the fact that I was almost certain I was going to die right there in the theatre and never again know the gentle caresses of a woman. Either way, this girl is easy on the eyes.
We soon meet the people who our heroes will be with all night; a hunky, young, dark complected nice guy we will call Slater and his partner Pornstache. The movie goes through the usual bullshit of establishing that Hottie and Slater are attracted to each other and that Pornstache is a dickhead. Yada yada. Eventually they get a call and the whole cast speeds off to an apartment building on a medical emergency. Ah, the plot begins. Then, from my right, I hear hissing, sharp speech. "Hey!" It was Mark whispering at me. Whispering urgently. I leaned over and Mark said the words I'd been subconsciously dreading but expecting to hear.
"He keeps saying 'Hannibal Lecter.'"
Great. I knew it. Norman Bates decided to amp up the crazy and started spouting the name of the world's most famous cannibal. This is it. This is how I die. Well, I wasn't about to make it easy on him. From this point on it was clear that vigilance was in order, so I checked over my shoulder every few minutes. Meanwhile in Quarantine world, Hottie and the firemen arrived at the apartment building to find a cop on the scene, Token McDarkie, who was a black cop played by a black actor who was paid to act black. It was annoying and I was glad when he was finally killed. While Token blackly ordered people around the apartment building without any clear plan I checked on the loon behind us. He was mumbling, but calm. He seemed relatively harmless. But I knew that could all change in an instant. This guy was gonna snap, and the headlines would read "MAN SLAYS FIFTEEN IN THEATER SHOOTING."
Onscreen things were getting tense as well. The medical emergency was Mrs. Espinoza, an elderly woman on the second floor who had freaked her neighbors out by moaning and screaming until they called for help. Token leads the group upstairs where they finally get a look at her. VERY effective acting and makeup. She looked all fucked up and was foaming at the mouth. You don't see foaming at the mouth often enough. It's a good symptom of something gone horribly wrong and is woefully underused these days. Was she a zombie? She didn't follow normal zombie protocol. She didn't try to walk up to anyone and eat them. She was crying and hysterical. And foaming. But she was covered with blood and giving out intermittent zombie moans. It was a well done effect, one of the more disturbing monsters I've seen on screen in a long time, mainly because she still looked so human and scared.
A few minutes after Mrs. Espinoza tries to attack the gang and is wrestled to the ground by Pornstache, everyone heads downstairs to try to calm the rest of the tenants down, only to find that the doors are locked from the outside and the CDC and the cops have sealed the place. Then, and this made me jump, Pornstache lands face down on the tile where he was presumably thrown from the second floor by Mrs. Espinoza. The sound of him landing and cracking his skull on the tile was amazing. That was probably the most realistic impact I've ever seen a human body make on film. It was like hitting a wet ham with a spatula while snapping a chicken bone. It sounded disgusting and chillingly accurate at the same time. Kudos to the foley artists on that one.
More weird shit went on after that and the people finally realize there is some sort of biological threat in the building. One of the tenants is a veterinarian – CONVENIENT – who puts the pieces together and realizes what they are dealing with is some sort of altered, fast acting strain of rabies that is turning people into quasi-undead killing machines. I'm glossing over a great deal, so if all of this sounds forced or rushed, it's my fault entirely. The movie was actually quite good. I was just preoccupied with the manslaughterer behind us who had been getting more and more active. His mumbles were getting louder but not more intelligible, until, without warning or apparent cause, he offered up this gem:
"Dave? Ha! Dave doesn't live here. Dave's in West Virginia."
With the exception of Mrs. Espinoza I don't remember the names of any of the characters in the movie, but I remember damn well that there was no one named Dave. Nutbag was getting worse. His speech was getting louder, more lucid, more aggressive. As were his schizophrenic visions and sociopathic urges to kill, I wagered. I looked at Mark, who was hunched over in his seat to one side, as if to avoid a blow to the back of the head. A wise precaution. There was a rustling and I realized that the guy was rummaging around in a plastic bag and, based on his body language, he was pulling out something heavy. Quite possibly something dangerous. I looked at Mark, back at the guy, reviewed the ridiculousness of this situation, and as I thought about it a stomach churning revelation took hold of me.
This was all my fault.
Had I just told Mark I didn't want him to pay for my ticket he would have never come there. Mark doesn't see movies alone. If I had not been late with the bathroom repairs we would have seen a different showing and Mark would never have been in the same theatre as this guy. If I had not wanted to check out my new glasses in a better seat Mark would never have been seated in front of this maniac. Every step of the way I had unwittingly brought my friend closer and closer to the instrument of his destruction. He was going to die and his blood would be on my hands. I would have to be the one to tell his parents and brothers and PopRox and K-Dizzle what happened, and I would have to see the looks of anguish on their faces. And I would be to blame for all of it.
STIMULUS – I have placed Mark, who has watched out for me in my time of need, directly into the path of a crazed murderer and I am about to watch as he is killed.
GUILT LEVEL – 5
WARNING: GUILT THRESHOLD REACHED. IMMEDIATE ACTION REQUIRED.
Some wacko is going to off my friend? Fuck that. Not on my watch. Another thing about being a guy is that our scale of what you do for a friend is balanced differently than the one women use. Women might keep a mental tally of how much money their friend had spent on them and pay it back and then take the friend out for lunch or buy her shoes or something like that. No, ma'am. We work on a different system, thank you very much. Mark has fed me and paid for entertainment numerous times since I was laid off, and is sitting in the hot seat because of me, and now some lunatic is pulling something out of a bag to kill him with. That's my hit to take.
I did a quick scan to get the lay of the land. The way the theatre seats were staggered from row to row, the guy was sitting behind, above and slightly to Mark's right, which was not in my favor. He was too far away for me to intercept a blow if he was fast. However, if he was as slow as he looked, I had a chance. Mark and I are both large men who appreciate our elbow room, so there was an empty seat between us. I could use that to my advantage. I'm not trying to sound like I think I'm a badass or anything, but I'm more agile and quicker on my feet than you would expect from a guy my size, and I can get moving quickly when I need to. If I could swing up out of my chair and get a foot up on that empty seat for leverage I could boost myself over Mark. If the guy brought a knife down I could get my left arm between the blade and Mark, and use my right hand to grab the guy and throw him over the seats in front of us, which would buy me some time. If he pulled a gun, I could hopefully get ahold of the gun hand's wrist in time to raise the gun so that Mark, and all the other movie patrons, would be out of his line of fire. Counting on this guy to be batshit crazy and retard strong, I figured the best bet would be to use my right hand to gain control of the gun instead of trying to grapple with him. It wasn't a perfect plan, but my opponent had the high ground in the dark and I'm not a trained combatant. It was the best I could come up with on short notice.
I twisted in my chair to face the guy, putting my feet under my seat as best I could to correct my center of gravity and allow me to spring up as quickly as possible. I got a good grip on the right arm rest to help swing myself up and around. I was as ready as I was ever going to be. If he saw me he gave no indication. He was intent on his task of unbagging whatever it was he was planning to kill Mark with. And then he pulled it. The would-be murder weapon.
A two-liter bottle of orange soda.
I am entirely aware that at this point I looked just as crazy as that guy sounded. I was coiled around in the darkness staring down a total stranger who's biggest crime was that he liked to indulge in sugary soft drinks. He was reaching into a bag to get a drink and for that I had been plotting all the ways I was going to take him down. Now who was crazy? Still, I wasn't the one answering an invisible phone and taking nonexistent messages for Dave in West Virginia, so I'll make the judgments if you don't mind. Dude was nuts. I'm not going to apologize for being on my guard around the mentally unstable. I don't want to end up a lampshade in some creepy apartment.
The rest of the movie went really well. I've read that Quarantine is based on a Spanish movie called [REC] and that there are a lot of complaints about the remake, but I don't know if either of those things is actually true. I liked it, and the entire theatre seemed to agree with me. Lots of verbal reactions in this audience, which always works well in a horror flick. Hearing the people around you being disgusted and terrified in real life always enhances the group experience of watching people being disgusted and terrified on film. There was a cute brunette to my left, another selfish reason I chose the seat that I did, and she was curled up in her seat half sobbing near the end of the movie. I'm fairly certain I could have emptied her bowels had I grabbed her arm and screamed at her. Don't think I wasn't tempted. I almost did it. But I had other things to do.
Even though I was fairly certain he wasn't going to kill Mark with orange soda, I was still keeping my eye on Crazy McBasketcase. Near the end of the movie he traded in crazy rambling for crazy chewing. I looked back to confirm my suspicion: he wasn't chewing on anything. He was just chewing. There was no food in his hands and there didn't appear to be anything in his mouth, either. He was just moving his jaw up and down in the dark, doubtless savoring the illusory taste of human flesh in his whacked out mind.
After the movie was over and the lights came back on Mark and I did what you would naturally do when you suspect someone is a dangerous psychopath – we followed him around and listened to him being crazy all over the place. We followed him out of the theatre. We followed him in the parking lot. And then we followed him once we were in the car. With him on foot and us in a vehicle we finally had the advantage. We followed him to where he walked very near a group of teenage girls hanging around outside a nearby mall and I was fairly certain we were going to see him try to eat someone. Instead he walked into the mall, which had been closed for half an hour, and never walked back out. I don't have any answers and I offer no theories as to where he went or what happened to him. But he's out there right now, walking around, talking to himself or to which ever voice in his head is trying to get in touch with Dave in West Virginia. I'll bet he kills someone by Halloween. I just hope its not me.
Quarantine would warrant 7 out of 10 normally, but I'm giving it an 8 out of 10 since it was an extra good Halloween flick. Bump that up to a 9 out of 10 if you watch it with a real live crazy person. That shit is hard to beat.
October 14th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Halloween Harvest Alert!! – Honeycrisp apples are back in stock in the tri-state area. In case you don’t know what a honeycrisp apple is, take every apple you’ve ever eaten and multiply their goodness by ten billion. Then make the result big, crisp, and juicy. Now give it angel wings and sprinkle it with fairy dust and have Angelina Jolie hold it between her perfect, naked breasts as you eat it. Now you’ve got a honeycrisp apple. So fuckin’ good.
Also, Little Debbie Pumpkin Delights are back. I couldn’t find these anywhere last year. I was afraid they weren’t going to make them anymore. They’re still hard to find, but I’ve seen them. They are AWESOME. If you’re low on cash and it comes down to choosing between Pumpkin Delights or buying medicine for your children, go with the Delights. If they live long enough to enjoy them, the kids’ll totally understand.
October 14th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Those who are connoisseurs of pumpkin delicacies would do well to sample the pumpkin bread available now at Bob Evans. You read that correctly: Bob Evans. I can attest first hand to its scrumptiousness.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Don’t forget our buckets of blended meat.
October 15th, 2008 at 9:30 am
October 15th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Well that sucks. My sources at Blockbuster/Game Crazy gave me a “very firm” release date of Oct. 18th.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:02 am
October 16th, 2008 at 6:59 am
Ok Mrs. X. He’s all yours
Straight from the People magazine website:
October 16th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Wonder Woman hates Sarah Palin
October 18th, 2008 at 11:28 am
What the FUCK??
Liaison: Billy Bob Thornton, pictured right in New York last night, is said to have sent ‘explicit text messages’ to Téa Leoni
Family trouble: David and Téa with their children Kyd and Madeline in 2007
Sex addict: The actor, who plays an oversexed writer on his new television show Californication, received treatment last month
Look, I’m not going to pretend that I’m some chick magnet, but I’ve slept with women who were out of my league, and I’ve slept with married women. So I can understand that both things have their thrill and sometimes they happen to guys like me, the most unlikely recipient of hot forbidden tail. I’ve also had a thing for Téa Leoni for quite some time, and I can’t say I’d pass the chance to hit that, because she still looks amazing.
But sweet fucking Jesus, Billy Bob Thornton?? I’ve never seen the guy when he didn’t look like a homeless heroin addict. Even on screen he looks like a bum (except in Tombstone where he was fat and stupid looking). He has a serious case of OCD, he’s been married FIVE fucking times, and his name is “Billy Bob.” And yet he still gets the best chicks. He fucked Angelina Jolie’s brains out, he was married to the now plastic surgery Frankenstein Pietra Cherniak when she still had her original human face, he nailed the giant breasted Cynda Williams back when she was hot, and now Téa Leoni.
In a related story, Billy Bob Thornton is a sorcerer with a penis made of chocolate.
October 19th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
On the subject of Pumpkin products I’m a huge fan of Pumpkin beers this time of year. I don’t have a specific favorite, since they all taste a little different I tend to try as many as possible. Also down here in Lexvegas there is this Thai place that makes a pumpkin curry. It’s amazing, they use a Thai pumpkin, which is essentially a squash, not stringy like USA pumpkins, damn it’s some tasty stuff. If your ever in Lexington KY anytime between now and December I highly recommend going to the Bangkok House and ordering some up.
Yeah I was pretty psyched about the Duchovny thing, are sex addicts like alcoholics, once an addict always and addict? If so then I still have a shot. Plus I never liked Tea’ anyway, seemed like she always had a real bad case of C U Next Tuesday syndrome going on. Anyway anyone one to sponsor me on a trip to Cali?
October 19th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
PUMPKIN CURRY! A new pumpkin dish I’ve never had. I MUST TRY THIS!!
October 20th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Now this is cool:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/10/17/buckypaper.invention.ap/index.html
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:23 am
Yikes. Here you go Mark:
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=61530
October 24th, 2008 at 11:41 am
And it all goes horribly wrong!
October 24th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Isn’t Jenna Jameson in this movie? I believe this was supposed to be her introduction out of porn movies and into the mainstream. Although this sounds like a porn movie to me.
October 24th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Oh no wait maybe it’s Traci Lords.
October 26th, 2008 at 12:52 am
Nope, you were right the first time. Its Jenna.
October 27th, 2008 at 7:38 am
It will be interesting to see how they adapt this:
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=61752&type=0
October 27th, 2008 at 7:42 am
So…would you call this a retrospective or a, “Let’s milk the franchise for everything it’s worth” picture? At least there aren’t any ridiculous UV light rounds. Perhaps they should have started with this movie.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/underworldriseofthelycans/
October 27th, 2008 at 7:43 am
To bad this was pushed back until next year:
http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/harry-potter-and-half-blood-prince/feature-trailer
October 27th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Just for fun
October 28th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Just for fun what? I think I missed something.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:52 am
I tried to embed a clip in there but it didn’t work.
On the Star Trek front:
http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=23519
October 30th, 2008 at 7:20 am
A smidgeon of Ghostbusters game news:
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=61818&type=0
October 30th, 2008 at 7:29 am
Hmmmm…..I like the concept of releasing three movies a year apart a la Lord of the Rings, but have to agree with many of the posts. Another Superman origin story would be absolutely pointless. Plus, why would Superman stay around on earth after everyone else had died off?
http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=23521
October 31st, 2008 at 8:17 am
I knew Toby would be back on board. Can we please get rid of Kirsten Dunst though?
Playwright Penning Spidey 4
Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright David Lindsay-Abaire (Rabbit Hole) is in final negotiations to write Spider-Man 4 for Columbia Pictures, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire are back as director and star, as are series producers Laura Ziskin and Avi Arad. Kirsten Dunst also is expected to return for the latest movie featuring the Marvel Comics character.
The plot details are under lock and key.
Columbia always has gone off the beaten path during the development process when hiring writers for the Spider-Man movies. Alvin Sargent, a veteran scribe best known for 1973’s Paper Moon and 1980’s Ordinary People, served as a writer on the second and third films. Michael Chabon, another Pulitzer winner, also worked on Spider-Man 2.
James Vanderbilt previously wrote a draft of Spider-Man 4
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=61824
October 31st, 2008 at 8:25 am
http://au.video.yahoo.com/watch/3810106/10430112
I know it’s another remake but I still want to see it.
October 31st, 2008 at 3:21 pm
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!!
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Good stuff!
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/struggling_americans_forced_to
November 4th, 2008 at 8:10 am
This looks HILARIOUS!
Too bad it’s spent 200 years in development hell.
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=61911
November 4th, 2008 at 9:05 am
November 4th, 2008 at 9:10 am
November 4th, 2008 at 9:11 am
November 4th, 2008 at 9:14 am
November 4th, 2008 at 9:15 am
November 4th, 2008 at 9:17 am
November 4th, 2008 at 9:25 am
November 4th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I voted.
November 4th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I voted.
November 4th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
I voted.
November 4th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I voted….again
with the help of acorn. god love um!
November 4th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I also voted, I love wearing my I VOTED sticker around all day. It makes me feel special
Cause if you don’t vote you don’t get one 
November 4th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I can’t believe they actually got Billy D to do this:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/a863be2b6f/vote-for-lando-calrissian-w-billy-dee-williams-from-fod-team
November 4th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
There’s all kinds of businesses up here giving away free stuff if you’re wearing your “I Voted!” sticker but they didn’t have any more stickers when I voted. No free Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwiches or Ben & Jerry’s for me. Damn you, sticker bitches! GOD DAMN YOU!!
November 5th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Take it easy there Rev. Wright! I’ll make you ham sammich!
November 5th, 2008 at 8:20 am
OBAMA WINS!!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!!!!!
November 5th, 2008 at 8:21 am
I like ham sammiches!
November 5th, 2008 at 8:41 am
This sounds pretty cool:
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=61914
November 5th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Some interesting stuff coming up. A Spiderman musical though? That has disaster written all over it.
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=61918
November 5th, 2008 at 9:09 am
I went to watch the election coverage with Mark and PopRox and I have to say that, despite the fact that I’m very glad he didn’t get elected, McCain’s concession speech was AMAZING. If he’d been as clear-headed and lucid with such a positive message throughout the rest of his campaign, he might have won. That was an absolutely stirring speech.
I thought Obama wasn’t going to be able to top it. He started awfully slowly. But then he hit his stride with his “Yes, we can” speech and he totally fucking blew me away. This guy has the capacity to be a great leader, not just a great President.
Last night was an impressive night for our country. I try not to get excited and hopeful about pretty much anything anymore because I’m so sick of being burned. I don’t trust hope. I can’t anymore, not after being so often disappointed. But I’m starting to feel a little hope. Its completely foolish, I know, but maybe now is the time I will start seeing the America I read about in my youth and believed in so strongly for so long. Maybe I’ll get my country back, the country I’ve read great men like Jefferson, Franklin, and Adams lobby for, fight for, and put the lives of their families on the line for.
Again, I don’t want hope. I don’t want to hope. I don’t trust hope. But I’m starting to feel it nonetheless.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:38 am
“Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man.”
-you’ve just been the victim of a virtual drive-by Nietzsche -
November 5th, 2008 at 10:44 am
It’s hard not to have a little hope right now. The stock market is in the toilet, we’re bogged down in two wars, and we’ve lost a lot of clout in the international community. Things really have nowhere to go but up.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Who the hell posted that? Mrs. X? I thought she and I were the only ones who knew about Drive-By Nietzsche.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Nietzsche knows all
November 5th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Oh, its you.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Mandy’s funny quote of the day:
“Walken plays villains well and often, in fact, a little too well and too often. How’s a director supposed to take any credit if an actor’s doing the exact same, brilliant thing he did in his last movie? Luckily, nothing says “auteur’s touch” like a big ol’ batch of hair dye. Also, a power-hungry villain named Max? Come on, Hollywood. We’re surprised Forrest Gump wasn’t called “Johnny Historychange Cripplelegs.”
http://www.cracked.com/article_15637_top-5-ripoffs-christopher-walken-roles-by-walken-himself.html
November 5th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27523989/
Why are so many Americans afraid of gay people?
November 5th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx/?news=338162>1=28101
November 5th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
if anyone needs me i’m going to be drunk everyday four the next four years
November 5th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
party drunk or wallowing in misery drunk?
November 5th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
How exactly will that be any different from the last four years?
November 5th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Wallowing in misery drunk.
November 6th, 2008 at 1:04 am
John Michael Crichton
October 23, 1942 – November 4, 2008
November 7th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I wonder if Crichton got to vote
November 7th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
I guess this comment is a bit late, and should probably be attached to the Indiana Jones article, BUT I finally watched the latest Indiana Jones movie and I must say….
WHAT A PIECE OF CRAP!!!
I could not have been more disappointed in this movie.
I have always enjoyed the Indiana Jones movies but I just stared at my television wondering when the movie was going to stop being so ridiculous.
The part that really bothered me was during the car chase, sword fight, cliff diving sequence when the bag containing the crystal skull kept being tossed back and forth like some 3rd grade game of hot potato. UNBELIEVABLE!
Anywho, I just thought I would add my two cents about the movie. I hope everyone is doing well and it was great seeing you at Chris’ party.
Peace,
Frog Boy
November 7th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I think if Obama really wants to win the hearts of Americans everywhere he will put into law some statute that makes it possible for George Lucas to be held accountable for his crimes against movies. After Phantom Menace, Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, and every Anakin/Padme scene in Revenge Of The Sith, I don’t think its too much to ask that we bring back drawing and quartering. And maybe thumbscrews.
November 7th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
you forgot disembowelment. Perhaps a good public lashing to start it all off too.
November 10th, 2008 at 10:48 am
hang him by his balls w/piano wire! ….or repeated paper cuts under his nose.
November 10th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Did anyone esle see the South Park episode where George and Steven rape Indiana Jones? It’s pretty graphic and I actually found it more disturbing that funny.
November 10th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I did see that episode and you are right, it was disturbing. Not funny – just disturbing.
Peace,
Frog Boy
November 11th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
November 12th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
That video is fucking genius.
November 12th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
one of my favorite teams back in action:
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=62061&type=0
November 15th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Alexander Mair Courage, Jr.
December 10, 1919 – May 15, 2008
Don’t know how I missed this one, folks, but this guy was a legend so I’m posting it now. Courage was most famous for composing the theme to Star Trek, but he did a lot of other great work in sci-fi, both as a composer and orchestrator, including Superman, Jurassic Park, The Mummy, Superman IV: The Quest For Peace, Lost In Space, and Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea.
November 17th, 2008 at 9:34 am
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=62191
New Star Trek trailer.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
guess you won’t be getting any of her lovin’ Chris:
http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx/?news=339709>1=28103
November 17th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Attacked??? What in merry hell did this useless bitch have to lose from a marriage ban? What self respecting fucking lesbian was gonna marry her nasty fug ass? If there is some unfortunate woman who has sunk low enough to munch Wanda Sykes’s funky Brillo pad, I’ll bet good money she breathed a sigh of relief when the ban was passed. I’ll bet she fucking voted for it. I can’t think of a single lesbo that wouldn’t rather suck cock for the rest of her life than to get stuck with that repugnant spawn of Hell. Can you? Can you name just one? No, you can’t. Because Wanda Sykes is the anti-Christ. Fuck her feeling attacked. She’s lucky she doesn’t get chased through the countryside by villagers with torches and pitchforks. Back in the old days they knew how to deal with monsters.
November 17th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Woo-hoo! First snow of the year!
November 18th, 2008 at 9:13 am
She irritated the ever loving hell out of me as the voice of that stupid talking apple in those Applebee’s commercials.
November 18th, 2008 at 11:23 am
You know when she irritates me? 24 hours a day. She irritates me by being in the same universe. The fact that she exists is a constant source of irritation. I can feel her out there, just being, all the time, and its like I’m always chewing on a piece of aluminum foil. The day she dies or is sent back to her home in the Netherworld by a powerful sorcerer will be the day the sun shines a little brighter on this planet. I’ll bet when she dies, AIDS and the Ebola virus will cease to exist. She is Pestilence. I’m sure of it.
November 20th, 2008 at 8:49 am
Thank God someone removed that commercial post.
WE’VE BEEN INFILTRATED!!!
November 20th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Yeah, we’ve been getting positively douched with spam lately. I’m sure this won’t help at all, but…
New Star Trek trailer in HD. Hell yeah!
November 20th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
My only question, how are they going to get the Enterprise into space?
November 20th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
The Enterprise entered deep into Earth’s lower atmosphere (low enough for late 1960s American military fighter jets to intercept it) at least once during the original series, so there is precedent for the original Constitution class design to be able to go both suborbital and transatmospheric under its own power. Actually launching the vessel from a grounded construction facility poses a few more problems, but its not much of a stretch to imagine that with lift-off assist modules of some sort (analogous to the boosters the Space Shuttles use) it could take off from an Earth-based shipyard.
What I want to know is why the bridge and corridors are all gleaming gloss white. And I don’t like that bridge layout. I don’t care for that at all.
November 20th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
November 20th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Any further info? I’d like to see this as a FPS.
November 21st, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Ahhhhhhh First Person Shooter, good X-Files episode. Scully gets to handle some serious fire arms and kick some ass
November 21st, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Here is a trailer for the new “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” movie…check it out!
http://wolverine-trailer.blogspot.com/
November 24th, 2008 at 9:12 am
You know, I’ve seen “First Person Shooter” at least two times in its entirety, and for some reason I can never remember it. I KNOW I’ve seen it, but I can’t remember anything about it at all. I don’t know what my problem is. I’m sure I sat down once and watched it with Mrs. X after I told her about this very problem I have with that episode. But now I got nothing. Its just one of those things that I can’t seem to mentally hold on to. All I can ever remember is the title.
November 24th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
wow, Eric Bana actually looks pretty bad ass:
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=62370
November 24th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Hey Chris if you get time I know it’s on one of the season seven tapes in that masive X-Files box of tapes I gave you a few months ago.
November 24th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
I’ll look for it tonight.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
For the Terminator fans out there:
http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=50815
November 27th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I�m a teacher of entrepreneurship in our school, and I think this document of yours can be of help to me and my students to become successful someday. Thanks a lot. god blezzz
November 28th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Wow Chris…I had no idea that your long rants about Wanda Sykes and her “funky brillo pad” could someday be used to teach entrepreneurship in schools!
Kudos to you I say!
Mark
December 4th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Thank you, sir.
I’m trying to get a new article up, guys, but after we switched servers there’s been some sort of problem and I can’t upload any pics. Quentin says he’s working on it in his free time, so it should only be a matter of decades before this is resolved. I’ll keep you updated.
December 10th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
SWEET
http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/terminatorsalvation/large.html
February 28th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
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http://www.mywolfbook.com
March 7th, 2010 at 3:17 am
It’s not actually my practice to post comments, but I thought I would say that this was outstanding.
-G
Free Energy for Your Home
March 8th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Screw bi-partisanship. The Republican Party HATES Barack Obama, and they will oppose him on EVERYTHING purely for the sake of opposing him. It’s time for Obama and the Dems to call out the torrent of GOP lies and obstructionism. Americans cannot allow these racist, lunatic fascists to regain control of our country.