Chris reviews The Dark Knight
The Dark Knight was very, very good. Very grim, like any good Batman story should be, and ends with the perfect mixture of hope and awfulness, just like the best Batman comics do. It won't exactly leave you feeling good, but then again, it's not supposed to. It's not a happy, feel-good movie. It's a dark, intelligent, story about three men pushed to the edge of sanity by another man who's already gone over.
The Dark Knight not as good as it's hype, but only because that would be impossible. I've heard reviews that will have you believe The Dark Knight is to movies what Jesus was to crucifixion. Not quite, but it is really damn good. If I didn't know beforehand I'd have never guessed it was 2 1/2 hours long. It certainly didn't seem like it. And with the exception of a pointless 30 second appearance by the Scarecrow, not a second of the time was unnecessary; almost every single frame of this movie was used to tell the story. That's fucking good filmmaking. Christopher Nolan and team deserve a big round of applause. And they got it, too. First time I've heard people clap at the end of a movie in VERY long time. It was impressive.
Normally I don't comment on special effects any more, but JESUS CHRIST Harvey Dent's face looked great. And by 'great' I mean 'creepy and horrific.' Watch the eye. I was watching it and kind of wincing like I do when I'm watching one of those extreme medical shows. A few seconds later it occurred to me that I had been watching a special effect. I didn't even think of it as such at the time. It was that god damn convincing. Very, very well done.
Let's go ahead and get this out of the way. Every reviewer who has set fingertip to keyboard is gushing about Heath Ledger. And not unjustifiably for the most part. Heath Ledger makes a damn decent Joker. He's more trigger happy than I liked and talks about his personal philosophy WAY more than I cared for, but he's good. He does a lot of the tongue and lip mouth tic action that Jack Nicholson did, and it was cool to see him pay a little tribute to Nicholson like that. A lot of people are going to take issue with my saying this, but was he as good as Jack? No. He wasn't nearly charismatic nor theatrical enough, both of which are critical components of the Joker's personality. But Jack wasn't perfect either. Jack's performance nailed the personality to tee, but not the lethal, manic side of the Joker. The Joker is vastly intelligent, which both Nicholson and Ledger portrayed, but Jack played him as a little too in control. The Burton/Nicholson Joker should have spilled a little more blood on a personal scale, instead sticking solely to the huge mass murders. Ledger got down and dirty on a human scale, but played him a little too seriously, which is ironic considering the "Why so serious?" line that is repeated in the movie and endless advertising. The perfect Joker would be combining all the flamboyance of Nicholson's performance with the maniacal nature of Ledger's, creating a Joker that laughs and has a great time as he is torturing and murdering people in various creative ways. Now that I think of it, it would be a lot like Mark Hamill's Joker, which I think is the best one ever put to film. Yeah, that's right, better than Jack. If you doubt me, watch Mask Of The Phantasm. No one has EVER nailed the Joker more perfectly than Hamill does in that movie. He's the best one yet.
I will say this, though: Ledger did a damn good job, and the boy could do one hell of a Joker laugh. A lot of people are tripping over themselves to kiss Ledger's ass because he's dead, but I don't play that game. I'll give it to you straight: he's not the best Joker ever and his performance wasn't the most horrifying thing you'll ever see on film. He was, however, very god damn good, and he brought a personal realism to the Joker that I have not seen done before. And although he tended to irritate me with his constant explanations of how he was an agent of chaos and his FAR too quick revelation that he understood his role as Batman's moral and ethical counterbalance, it's important to remember that these aspects were not Ledger's fault. That was the script he was given. As far as the posthumous Oscar buzz about Ledger's performance is concerned, yes, it is totally justified. He was fucking good. Here's the best thing I can say about his performance: had I not known beforehand it was Health Ledger playing the Joker, I would never have guessed who it was. It wasn't an actor I was seeing, it was the Joker. I like when that happens. And unlike the usually spot-on Gary Oldman, his accent didn't slip once. It's really too bad Ledger OD'ed on what I understand was about a baker's dozen different prescriptions, because I wouldn't have minded watching him do this role again. With one more movie, you could have cemented yourself as THE Joker if you'd kept straight, Heath. Nice work, dumb ass.
Also interesting: no Joker origin story. As a matter of fact the writers kind of make an oblique reference to the fact that for YEARS the Joker had no origin story in the comics, and the several that have come and gone over the years have all been very contradictory. In this movie the Joker gives a speech about how he was an abused child and his father cut up his mother and then turned on him, which was incredibly lame. I was very disappointed with this, but then the Joker turns around and tells a completely different origin story a few minutes later. It was then I realized the writers were geniuses and they were fucking with me the same way the Joker was fucking with his victims. Very nice. Reminds me of the way Meat Loaf gives a different story to interviewers each time someone asks why he named himself Meat Loaf. Meat Loaf should be the next Joker. Fuck, I don't even care how bad it would be, I'd pay $10 just to see what in the hell he'd do with the role. Now that I think about it, that would be such a phenomenally strange piece of casting I already love the idea. Let's put the word in the streets - Meat Loaf for Joker in 2010!
Comic book fans like myself will be glad to see hints of Batman's misguided and ultimately disastrous OMAC project from Infinite Crisis in this movie. The great thing about this is Lucius Fox's disgust when the project is revealed to him, and his willingness to walk away and abandon Bruce Wayne if he doesn't straighten up and start acting in a manner befitting a hero. Just as in the comics, Batman pushes/breaks his own moral code and creates a surveillance system that is not only too powerful, but potentially more dangerous than the criminal activity he's trying to stop. He wasn't just spying on criminals, he was spying on everyone. It was great to see Morgan Freeman stand up to Batman and keep him in line. It was a very classic wise Alfred vs. reckless Bruce Wayne moment, only more immediately serious due to Lucius Fox's critical technological support role in Bruce Wayne's quest to clean up Gotham.
This also sets up the perfect reason for the need for the Robin character. No, Robin is NOT in this movie, nor is he even hinted at, so put down the pitchforks and torches. The story isn't nearly to the point where it's ready for Robin. I'm just saying that there is a reason he exists in the stories. Alfred is Bruce Wayne's familial and personal moral compass, Lucius Fox is Bruce Wayne's intellectual and business moral compass (which was portrayed excellently in The Dark Knight), James Gordon is Bruce Wayne's moral compass where matters of law and justice are concerned, but Robin is not Bruce Wayne's moral compass. He's Batman's moral compass, which is arguably the most important and necessary of the four. Robin is the yardstick against which Batman both measures and reigns in his risk-taking, his disregard for his own personal safety, and his constant temptation to allow his justified violence to turn to unjustifiable brutality. The Joker had a great line in this movie: "Madness is a lot like gravity: it only takes a little push." The Joker is letting Batman know on no uncertain terms that he recognizes that Batman is walking very close to the edge of sanity that he has already gone over. Batman needs Alfred, Gordon and Lucius and, like the character or not, he eventually comes to need Robin. The whole Batman saga is arguably about surrogate fathers and sons and how they keep each other in balance. Alfred, Gordon and Lucius are Bruce Wayne's surrogate fathers, and eventually Bruce himself becomes a surrogate father to Robin. When it's done right you have an epic tale of men in positions of great power and influence who, without really knowing and/or acknowledging it, rely on one another to survive mentally and emotionally. When it's not done right you get horribly unwatchable shit like Batman And Robin. But let's not talk about that.
Let's talk about how much of a pain in the ass the whole Katie Homes/Tom Cruise train wreck must be. Here's how much: Rachel Dawes has very little screen time in The Dark Knight, surprisingly little considering the important role her character plays in this story. And, not to reveal too much, but the movie makes it pretty clear that we won't be seeing much more her. And yet they saw fit to replace Katie Holmes, who is a internationally famous smokin' little hot ass despite the fact that she's married to a A-1 nutjob (and Grissom knows it). Not that Maggie Maggie Gyllenhaal did a bad job or anything. She was perfectly serviceable as Rachel, if not nearly as boner-inducing. It's just that there wasn't a lot of meat to this role, and it probably could have been pulled off by any reasonably competent young actress. Katie Holmes could have done it. But nobody wanted her to. Seriously, how much longer is she going to let her has-been psycho husband and his goofy ass Scientology wacko friends destroy her career? Yo, Katie, Tom is a fucknut anchor twice your age, chained to your leg and dragging you down, and who will hold you down once you hit bottom. You could have been in The Dark Knight, but instead you had to be a pain in the ass and let your husband's bullshit make everyone so miserable that no one will work with you anymore. Nice work, dumb ass.
If there's one serious gripe I have about this movie, it's that Two-Face's screen time was far, far too short. Harvey Dent was in this movie from the beginning, and Andrew Eckhart was great in the role. And while his gradual transformation into Two-Face was not exactly as well done as it was in The Long Halloween, it at least did the story some justice. But when he finally turns into Two-Face he has, if I remember correctly, three scenes. Two of which were ridiculously short. And although this is light-years above the ridiculous shit that Tommy Lee Jones did when he had the role, Two-Face still deserves a much better treatment than this. He's a fairly pivotal character in the Batman saga and represents what could happen to Bruce Wayne if one day he was pushed beyond his limits and had a mental breakdown. Two-Face is a fantastic character who's entire existence serves as a warning and an example of the hell his life could become if Batman were to allow himself to be broken. Why they chose to short change the audience by not telling the full story I can't understand. If they were really going to do this right, the Joker's role should have been less central, and this should have been more of a Batman/Two-Face movie.
This needs to be said: the Batpod looks like a lot of fun. I was iffy on the thing, and I didn't know how it was going to be handled. To tell the truth, once the movie got rolling there was so much other stuff going on I forgot all about it. But the way it's brought into the story is fantastic and unexpected, and makes perfect sense. I want one. All I'm sayin' is that Christmas isn't that far away, people, and I work day-in day-out around The Sci-Fi Guys HQ to ensure that you have the finest in sci-fi flavored rants and reviews. I don't think it's unreasonable to think that in return one of you might be able to swing a Batpod for the old Chrismeister. I mean, come on. Seriously, now, people. Just come on.
The Dark Knight is a great movie. Definitely see it. Good to once again see a movie that's actually worth the ticket price. Best three scenes: the extraction of Lau from the Hong Kong skyscraper, Batman beating the living shit out the Gotham PD SWAT team, and Joker's disappearing pencil trick. Classic.
July 21st, 2008 at 8:44 pm
The first official downloads for next years Star Trek movie have been released: four ginormous wallpapers. Click to see ‘em full size. I really dig the primary colors monochrome-on-white scheme they've got going. Just like the design of the Star Trek RPG released by Last Unicorn Games, these really nail the strong, simple color aesthetic of the original series. And the dude playing Spock looks just fucking perfect. As far as visuals are concerned, they made an excellent casting decision with him. These make me very happy in many of my special places. Enjoy.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
HIDDEN!
Artist: Oingo Boingo
Album: Dead Man’s Party, 1985
HIDDEN!
July 25th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
X-Files is awesome. Go see it. Then if you’re like me and Mrs. X, go see it again a few hours later. It’s like they never stopped making the show.
July 27th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I second Chris…in fact go see it as many times in one day as you can. Wow what a great movie and let me tell you it was a shipper’s wet dream. I won’t disclose any spoilers here, but let me tell you at times I felt like I was watching a fanfic come to life. I’m absolutely going to go see it again!
Oh and stay until the end of the credits! Again I won’t spoil it, but just trust me there is a nice surprise tag at the end.
July 28th, 2008 at 11:16 am
ohhh, buddy. Can’t wait until December.
http://www.twilightthemovie.com/
I know I’ve said that I would write up something about Firefly/Serenity, but I would really, really, truely write something about the Twilight series.
Wow, is the only word that comes to mind.
I’ll write more (with the help of Mark of course), if you would like to hear more.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Write it, baby. What the hell is Twilight?
July 29th, 2008 at 11:19 am
No, seriously, I’m asking. What is Twilight? I’m not familiar with it.
July 30th, 2008 at 7:00 am
Ummm…What??? (really, I’m perplexed)
July 30th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Was I wrong in my synopsis of the story? Sorry if I was. That was what I got out of reading interviews with the author. Also sorry about the double post.
July 30th, 2008 at 9:05 am
What synopsis? And what double post? And why is Will Smith doing a prequel to a movie that didn’t do so well? And why are they even talking about a prequel if they don’t even have any ideas for one yet? And I still don’t know what the hell Twilight is. YOU GIRLS ARE CONFUSING ME.
July 30th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Okay, some of the confusion is cleared up. I found Mrs. X’s comments in the moderation queue. I have no fucking idea why valid comments keep getting dumped in there, but its really starting to piss me off. Anyway, I’ve restored your comments below.
July 30th, 2008 at 9:12 am
I will try to answer your question even though I have never read the books. Basically it’s a series based on the love of a teenage girl for this vampire dude named Edward. There is no sex I repeat no sex involved at all between the two. It’s all about romanitc love. I like my Vampires as smutty as possible so it’s not really my thing, but apparently women from teenagers on up love it because of it’s romantacism.
Oddly enough the lady who wrote it had really no experience as an author, she just sat down and started writing ala JK Rowling and now it’s exploded into a worldwide phenomenon.
Again someone with a better knowledge of the series could fill in the gaps, but from what I’ve read about it that’s essentially what it is.
X-FILES I WANT TO BELIEVE IN THEATERS NOW!!!!!!!!!!
July 30th, 2008 at 9:13 am
I have not read any of the books, but as I understand it Twilight is a series about a teenage girl who falls in love with this vampire dude named Edward. It is all based around romance, apparently he is very romantic And there is absolutely NO I repeat NO sex involved between these two in the stories. Now I likes my vampires as sex crazed as possible so this isn’t really up my alley, but apparently there are tons of women, not just teenagers who have gone apeshit over it, basically because the dude is all about romancing the ladies, I guess.
Interestingly the lady who writes it has no formal writing experience at all, she just sat down and started writing, ala JK Rowling and now it’s become a worldwide phenomenon, I guess I read where people camped out at Comi Con to see the preview for the first movie. I guess the final novel comes out soon.
She has also just writen (out a few months now) a sci-fi novel called The Host that is unrelated to Twilight, although it bears (I think) a striking resemblance to the Black Oil part of the alien mytharc in the X-Files.
Anyway that’s what I know about it from reading interviews with the author and synopsises of the stories. I’m sure someone who has read the books can fill in the gaps or correct me if I’ve given any false information. Hope it helps anyway.
THE X-FILES I WANT TO BELIEVE IN THEATERS NOW!!!!!
July 30th, 2008 at 9:14 am
I explain Twilight as I understand above, in two different posts. I can see them on my computer, can no one else see them? The posts are marked July 29th at 3:16 and 9:26 pm respectively
July 30th, 2008 at 9:23 am
I’m really sorry about that, babe. I don’t know what causes this.
If any of you post something that doesn’t show up, please, please, PLEASE let me know. We need to track the souce of this shitty coding/programming behavior. I’m tired of readers’ comments getting dumped in the moderation queue with 180 bullshit porn and penis enhancement spams that I have to wade through every god damn day. This will all go away, hopefully, when the newer, prettier, more minty fresh version of the site goes online, but in the meantime let me know if you guys post anything that doesn’t go through, and I’ll try to restore it.
I’ve changed the times on your posts so they show up now. I don’t understand why they showed up for you and no one else, but it may be that the site has a poltergeist. They should be visible to everyone now. I hope.
July 31st, 2008 at 3:57 pm
This is pretty funny: check out the 6 worst comic book superhusbands…….
http://www.cracked.com/article_16512_6-worst-comic-book-super-husbands.html
August 6th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Sorry the updates have been sparse, folks. I’m newly unemployed, and I’ve been cut off from my constant source of lightning-fast internet which I enjoyed at my office. I was laid off last Monday and I’m now enjoying a brief period of living on a severance package while I search for a new job. That’s a big change for me; usually when I lose a job it’s accompanied by someone coming around to my desk and yelling “GET THE FUCK OUT!” followed immediately by a period of unexpected financial destitution. So I guess, all things considered, if I had to lose a job this was the way to go.
Anywho, I’ll update more often now that the shock has sort of worn off. Probably. I can’t make any promises; I don’t want posting on this site to interrupt my busy schedule of sleeping until 10 AM, then lying in bed for another three hours because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my day. I mean, come on people. That shit it time consuming.
August 13th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Yes, Dark Knight was frickin awesome BUT… with all the stuff with the Gordon family at the end of the movie, couldn’t we get SOMe hint about batgirl? Even if it was Barb asking that question that went along “Why does he [Batman] do that?” that the son asked. If the movie had THAT, it would have been perfect.
August 15th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Elfie, I agree. It seemed almost like they were going out of their way NOT to include Barbara Gordon, even though I’m pretty sure we see her in this movie briefly, as well as in Batman Begins.
[:: SPOILER ALERT ::] This may sound a little too dark, but I think that one way this ending could have been even better was if they had let Two-Face kill Gordon’s son. Let Harvey Dent fully make the transition to a villain - someone that could never be forgiven, not by Batman, not by Gordon, and not by the audience. If I were directing, I would have killed the kid. That would also set up a great fucked-up emotional situation with Gordon that might cause him to raise his one remaining child in such a way that she would be psychologically screwed up enough that, like Bruce Wayne, she would see fit to become a vigilante. Let’s face it, Batman is FAR from a well-adjusted individual. We need to see some reason for that same emotional scarring in those who gravitate toward him, and having a young Barbara Gordon lose her brother then have to live with her grief-stricken, over stressed, workaholic police commisioner father in the most corrupt, dismal, depressing, crime-ridden city in the world would be a big step in the right direction.
August 15th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
This was sent to me by DanM. This is a custom, and according to DanM, working, driveable Tumbler built by a fan. I can’t imagine that this could be a customized car with rear wheels like that, so I have to assume this was built from scratch. I don’t know where it came from, but let me just say DAMN. I thought I was a Batfan, but this guy takes the cake. Well played, sir. Bat-click the bat-pic to bat-biggen.
August 15th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Here’s a link to the forum were this guy is posting his progress on said Tumbler:
http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=308526
August 15th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
These guys are amazing. Check out their other work. He has the full suit to go with the Tumbler. The busts they create make those wax museum statues look like amateur work.
http://www.dullam-causey.com/gallery/
August 15th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
HIDDEN!
Artist: Danny Elfman
Album: Batman: Original Motion Picture Score, 1989
HIDDEN!
August 23rd, 2008 at 2:46 pm
The Top 7 Signs a Olympic Athlete Is a Superhero in Disguise
7> “Sir, once again, the event is parallel bars, not parallel
universes!”
6> Keeps referring to the Russian judges as “a cowardly
and superstitious lot.”
5> The Powerpuff Girls mysteriously disappear from Townsville
every time the Chinese women’s gymnastics team is set to
compete.
4> Perfect in every gymnastics competition as long as he’s
allowed to spout witty one-liners at the judges throughout the
performance.
3> The mad archery skills and the blond goatee could be
coincidences, but the dead giveaway is the hot girlfriend in
black boots and fishnets.
2> She’s competing for the Sovereign Kingdom of Atlantis.
and the Number 1 Sign a Olympic Athlete Is a Superhero in Disguise…
1> He didn’t light the Olympic Flame; he *is* the Olympic Flame.
Copyright 2008 by Chris White, http://www.topfive.com
===================
Selected from 49 submissions from 15 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Marc Berard, Central Falls, RI — 1 (14th #1!)
Tom Galloway, Mountain View, CA — 2
Randy Lee, Burke, VA — 3
Brian Pierce, Lynnwood, WA — 4, 6, Banner tag
Louise Freeman Davis, Charlottesville, VA — 5
Craig Israel, Cleveland, OH — 7
Jennifer Ford, Chicago, IL — Mystery Woman
===================
RUNNERS UP list — Silver Aged
===================
He keeps finishing the race nanoseconds after the starter pistol
goes off.
(Sally Van Opens, Janesville, WI)
He was about to take the gold in weight lifting until they
secretly replaced the chalk with kryptonite.
(Bruce Kane, Charlotte, NC)
“Someone tell the kid in the red and blue uniform that he needs to
actually LAND to stick the landing.”
(Stephen Theberge, Plaistow, NH)
The opponent’s serve? 125mph. His return? Sets the ball on fire.
(Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY)
Runners Up list name
(Randy Lee, Burke, VA)
===================
TOPFIVE.COM’S LITTLE FIVERS
“Top 10″ lists on a variety of subjects
http://www.littlefivers.com
===================
Copyright 2008 by Chris White. All rights reserved. Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner without crediting “TopFive.com”
August 23rd, 2008 at 3:24 pm
For those of you who don’t know Mark, allow me to out him as someone that is VERY easy to make sick if you know the right buttons to press. He has a high tolerance for visual blood and guts, and back in college the guy used to disembowel sheep for his senior thesis with no problem whatsoever (I forget why it was necessary, but I think he might have majored in Advanced Satanic Rituals & Sacrificial Studies). It’s not gore that gets him, it’s language and his own over active imagination.
Verbal descriptions effect him so powerfully that on countless occasions, usually for my own twisted amusement, I have come damn near to making him vomit with only my words. Yesterday it happened completely inadvertently as he was driving, and I thought he was going to wreck and kill us. What’s worse is that we had just gone out to lunch, so if he didn’t kill me I was at least for sure that I was going to end up sprayed with partially digested chicken nachos. Fortunately he was able to reign it in, but it was touch and go there for about 10 minutes. And although this clip doesn’t really do justice to the spectacle that is Mark in the nigh uncontrollable throes of getting his retch on, you get a roughly half strength, half volume experience of Mark during a near vomit experience. Enjoy.
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:34 pm
HIDDEN!
Artist: Nerf Herder
Album: American Cheese, 2002
HIDDEN!
August 26th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
HAHAHAHA!!!! Remember when Dave put a bunch of tums in his mouth and made them all foamy and chased Mark around? He gagged and gagged and finally had to run out of the apartment door into the yard gagging. Ahhhhhhh good times. Cockroaches will do that to him also
August 28th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
This one’s for Mark:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26438939/
August 29th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Hmmm…there’s been a lot of discussion around me the last few posts. I like it!
I remember Dave foaming at the mouth with tums. That was pretty disgusting. It’s somewhat arbitrary as to what sets off my gag reflex. Blood and guts and gore definitely DON’T seem to do it.
Cockroaches, feces, rotten food (eggs most recently) seem to trigger pretty violent episodes. Try watching “Kitchen Nightmares” with me sometime…it’s guarenteed to set me off!
Mark
August 29th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Sorry Mrs. X
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20222358,00.html
August 29th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
How can you tell if you’re addicted to sex? Seriously. Isn’t everyone crazy about it? I’m pretty sure we’re hard-wired to like sex. Is a sex addict someone who just likes sex a whole lot? If so, I need an intervention. Or is a sex addict someone like Bob Crane who fucks and fucks until it destroys his career and gets him murdered? Because it seems to me that if a guy is a real sleazebag and gets caught cheating enough times then he could just throw up his hands and say “Addicted to sex! It’s a disease! Not my fault!” and get away with it. How do you measure this? This whole sexual addition thing is a lot like the whole gambling addiction thing. It feels sketchy. This whole thing sounds like a cop out. I’m not sure I buy it.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
HIDDEN!
Artist: The Dickies
Album: Killer Klowns From Outer Space, 1988
HIDDEN!
August 30th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I think the sex addiction is fake. I think this is a publicity stunt for his television show.
September 1st, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Grabbed these pics of DD on the set of Californication. Look at him, all disoriented and disheveled. He’s clearly high out of his mind. On the sex. Fuckin’ junkie.
Ya know, it occurs to me that Duchovny is this guy, handsome, rich, successful, charming, funny, popular, famous, and that he’s in a position of being surrounded by billions of metric tons of hot young ass. Girls who are desparate to make it as actresses and who, as pretty, sexy, young women who crave attention and fame (many of them pathologically so) probably aren’t the most emotionally stable bunch, and are likely used to being thought of, treated and used primarily as sexual objects, usually by older men in positions of social power over them.
Imagine if you will that over time the young women, either through drug use, psychological trauma, unadulterated stupidity, or some combination thereof, become numb to this treatment. Some, knowing little else, actually come to seek men out who will fuck them without emotion, because they associate regular, distant sex with acceptance and self worth. They aren’t adult humans, not in their own minds, they’re human shaped devices used to carry tits, ass, and pussy around to men who want to use it. And if they don’t do that job, they’re worthless. They’re incredibly attractive women, very desirable, who cannot see this about themselves in anything but the most clinical, detached way. And they have to fuck to feel like their lives mean anything. So they throw themselves at men, often at the same kind of older men who either misused them, or who were emotionally absent in their early development, hence their constant need for love, attention, and acceptance now.
And this is just ONE type of girl. What about the homewreckers who get off on habitually fucking married men? What about the sexually inexperienced chicks who think they know what a “nice guy” is and think he could be the one despite the fact that he’s married? What about the girls that just plain old like dick? Look at the chick in the background with the giant fake tits and pink hair and the tattoos all over her torso. She looks like a Mayan billboard for breast enhancement. Yeah, there’s a girl that feels good about herself. She’s gagging for dick, and she looks pretty damn good. I’d tag her. Don’t lie, you would too. She looks like she knows her way around a penis. I’ll bet she’s awesome in bed. Come on, Mulder hit that shit. Am I really supposed to believe that he didn’t? I’ll bet a billion dollars that was one of the one’s he fucked. Look at her on display there. Might as well be standing under a sign that says “Three Wet Holes, Self Service, No Waiting.” That’s the kind of desperate, fame-hungry, damaged poon that carpets the motion picture and television industry. Girls who have somehow convinced themselves to believe that sex=attention=acceptance=love.
Enter Duchovny. Handsome, rich, successful, charming, funny, popular, famous. An established man in their profession who is the center of attention. In that circumstance, where do you think the pussy gets funnelled? The casting director? The stage hands? Get fucking serious. Hot box gets thrown at this guy like machine gun fire. And here’s Duchovny, ex-famous wife at home who’s still hot, but who, like himself, peaked early in her career and has nothing akin to the fame she was once acustomed to. Two kids, wife, still wanting to feel the juices flowing like he did back in his X-Files days when he could do no wrong, and, here’s the big one, approching 50. That birthday fucking LOOMS out there, the border between not old and old. FIFTY. He starts to get a little down, a little depressed, and before he realizes what is happening, he’s smack dab in the middle of a mid-life crisis. But the girls at work like him. The girls at work make him feel alive. And eventually one comes on a little more strongly than the rest. One of those girls who just comes on stronger after rejection. She won’t let it go. Eventually she finds him on a particularly shitty day when Tea does something to piss him off, or he finds a new patch of grey hair, or he sees himself in the mirror and notices wrinkles and bags he hadn’t noticed before, and he thinks “Fifty.” At a low point, he agrees to a blow job. Next it’s fucking in the dressing room, but just this once, ’cause I love my wife and I shouldn’t be doing this, and I must be crazy. Then it spirals down into an affair. But the pussy is still coming at him from all directions. He branches out and gets other chicks, and all of a sudden he’s once again on the top of the world, up to his ears in gorgeous young twat, and famous and rich and popular just like it was 1995 all over again.
Then he gets caught. All of it comes out. Tea threatens to leave, and he realizes that he really does love his wife and family and that he will be devastated if he loses them. He’s scared shitless, and he does the one thing men ALWAYS do when they’re scared and a woman is involved - he lies. He’s not fucking around ’cause he’s getting older, and 50 is rapidly approaching, and he’s feeling that deep seated nameless dread that a lot of older men experience when they first stare their own mortality in the face. He’s not fucking because it’s a thrill and it makes him feel good again, and because the sex is astounding and these young girls will do anything he wants. He’s not fucking because he likes it. No, he’s doing it because he’s addicted. Addicted. Blameless. Off the hook. Not my fault. And she can’t leave him for something that’s not his fault, right? That would be against the rules. He can save his marriage and his family and his career all in one fell swoop, and all he has to do is stand up and say “Hello, my name is David, and I am a sex addict.” It’s just that easy.
In that circumstance, what would you do?
September 5th, 2008 at 9:37 am
What I want to know is WHY THE HELL WASN’T I TOLD ABOUT THIS SOONER! My ass would have been on a plane to California so fast.
September 5th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Well, he’s only in rehab. He’s not cured. Maybe you could be his first big backslide. You know, something like, “Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Duchovny, I thought this was the ladies’ shower room. My mistake. But while you’re in here would you mind scrubbing this hard to reach place on my back? I just can’t seem to reach it without help…” Take it from me, it’s hard to resist a wet girl in a shower wearing nothing but soap suds. He’d be yours for the taking.
September 6th, 2008 at 12:09 am
Check it out another Hollywood cash grab….maybe? This could suck…seriously…Just out of curiosity has anyone seen Dan Aykroyd lately yeah it’s not pretty. Note neither Aykroyd or Ramis are tapped as writers for the script. Lord, this has disasster written all over it…sorry Chris….
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September 6th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
HIDDEN!
Artist: Pantera
Album: Far Beyond Driven, 1994
HIDDEN!
September 8th, 2008 at 10:31 am
September 8th, 2008 at 10:35 am
If GB3 does happen, it might be best if it was a CGI flick. I think Mrs. X is right, Aykroyd looks more like Stay Puft than Ray these days.
September 8th, 2008 at 10:43 am
September 8th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I don’t really see how a Firefly MMO could work in the first place. Firefly was all about personal stories, relationships, and character history. How could you do that with an online game and still make it meaningful? I just don’t see how its possible.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
CONFIRMED: GB3
September 9th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Fuckin’ A! I’ve been a huge Ghostbusters fan, and I mean this quite literally, since before I ever saw the movie. I was geeking out in grade school just watching the commercials. No shit. I’ve kept abreast of GB news as best I can for the last 24 years, and have heard nearly every fucking rumor ever circulated about a possible GB3. So whenever I hear a new one, it generates less and less excitement for me each time. Usually its Aykroyd or Reitman talking and it gets everyone fired up, then amounts to nothing. So I’m loathe to get excited about anything.
But Ramis saying there’s a movie being proposed… that’s a whole different story. Ramis has always said that GB3 was never going to happen because they couldn’t get Murray on board. He’s never said anything that I didn’t find out later to be entirely true. But since the HUGE buzz created over the last year regarding the upcoming Ghostbusters video game with the original cast - including Bill Murray - Ghostbusters has become a ridiculously hot property once again. And if Ramis is saying that there is hope for a third movie, I’m going to listen. This is fucking AWESOME
I’m ready to believe you.
September 9th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
As for their possible role in a third movie? “The concept is that the old Ghostbusters would appear in the film in some mentor capacity. Not much else to say at this point. Everyone is confident a decent script can be written, and I guess we’ll take it from there.”
Sounds to me like they will make cameo roles at best, in favor of hot new faces and lame ass actors in place of the originals.
September 12th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
HIDDEN!
Artist: Styx
Album: Kilroy Was Here, 1983
HIDDEN!
September 15th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Anybody else out there get hammered by Ike? I lost some trim off my house along with two chimney caps and a satellite dish which was torn off, bracing and all. No big deal all in all, but a lot of the rest of my neighborhood got JACKED UP. Couple of houses here don’t have roofs anymore. I’ll get some pics up soon hopefully.
September 16th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Nope. I was very fortunate. Didn’t even lose a shingle. The worst thing was a long dead tree getting knocked over and landing about 5 feet from my house. Oh, and my garbage cans getting blown down into the woods. One lid is still AWOL.
September 16th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Ma and Pa Sci-Fi lost some shingles, which is surprising considering they’re down in a valley and closed off from the wind on all sides. Frog Boy, who’s house is the windiest spot I have ever been in which wasn’t actually moving, didn’t get a scratch. Inconceivable!
September 19th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Avast, me hardies! Be ye rememberin’ that this be International Talk Like A Pirate Day, or me cat o’nines will do yer rememberin’ for ye!
September 19th, 2008 at 10:48 am
TOPFIVE.COM’S LITTLE FIVERS — MOVIES
The Top 8 Indications David Duchovny Is a Sex Addict
8> It was only after he agreed to do the show that he realized the Files had just one X.
7> While she was looking to the skies, he was looking to her chest.
6> Cigarette Smoking Man wasn’t puffing for his health, fanboy.
5> Have you EVER seen Tea Leoni frowning?
4> Kept changing the logo on his scripts to “S.E.X-Files!!”
3> Has illegitimate children on every planet in the galaxy.
2> “Mulder, have you seen those little, fuzzy, tube-shaped alien– OH GOOD LORD!”
and the Number 1 Indication David Duchovny Is a Sex Addict…
1> When the aliens start probing, always volunteers to “take one for the team.”
Copyright 2008 by Chris White
http://www.topfive.com
Selected from 30 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
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Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 1, 7, 8 (On the lot!)
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 1
Donald Johnson, Cinncinati, OH — 2, 4
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 3, 5
Victor Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 4
Kris Johnson, Chatsworth, CA — 6
John English, Orem, UT — 8
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — Hi, my name is Kristian…
*Love ya, Dave, really do. (Just not in that way.)
========================
TOPFIVE.COM’S LITTLE FIVERS
“Top 10″ lists on a variety of subjects
http://www.littlefivers.com
========================
Copyright 2008 by Chris White All rights reserved. Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner without crediting “TopFive.com”
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September 19th, 2008 at 11:52 am
HIDDEN!
Artist: DaJugglingFool
HIDDEN!
HIDDEN!
Artist: Neon Hurricane
HIDDEN!
September 19th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Must be nice to have the much time on your hands
September 22nd, 2008 at 7:33 am
http://www.collider.com/entertainment/interviews/article.asp/aid/9244/tcid/1
Rubbish I say!!! There are scads of movies that could be made about Aliens vs. Predator. I must say though, another Predator movie with Arnold could be pretty damn cool if done right.
September 22nd, 2008 at 7:37 am
The title of this news story is “Shatner Blasts Trek’s Abrams.” I missed it. Where was the blasting? How about assigning a title that actually fits what’s being said instead of misleading people with sensationalist verbage.
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=60311
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Hey out there. The Sci-Fi Guys has been moved to a newer, speedier server, or so I’m told. It was moving a lot faster earlier in the day, but seems to be a little slow again now. I start to glaze over about 10 seconds after anyone starts talking to me about network traffic and server loading data transfer whatever, so I don’t really know how much faster we are now or why there seems to be a slight slow down now, but if you notice ANY performance issues at any time, please bitch about it loud and long (and preferrably in detail) so we can spot and hopefully eliminate any problems before they get out of hand. Thanks.
DanM - Really? I think an Arnold Predator movie sounds pretty atrocious. He’s WAY out of shape and he’s pushing 70. I don’t want to watch another aging actor trudge his way through a nigh unwatchable 80s sequel like Harrison Ford recently did. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of another Predator movie. I just don’t see how Arnold could be any good in it.
Also, rubbish indeed, sir!!! That interview was idiotic. There are TONS of excellent Aliens, Predator, and AvP stories that could be made from the Dark Horse comics alone. Just a couple of intensely cool ideas from those books: an Alien movie based on the a creation of an alien “king” by a mentally disturbed human scientist, a Predator stalks a turn of the century big game hunter on safari in India, a Predator stalks a Zulu hunter/warrior in colonial Africa, and a Predator hunts fueding batallions of Union and Confederate soldiers in the midst of the Civil War, forcing them to call an unofficial truce among themselves and band together for survival. Those were all awesome stories. There’s four movies right there.
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Actually, Arnold turned 61 in July. And he proved in Terminator 3 he can get back into shape. That was only 5 years ago. Regardless, I’m sure he’s still in far better shape than Harrison Ford.
I think they could pull it off with a good story. I’ll get to work on one
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Ah, I stand corrected, sir. You are right. I thought he was much older than that. Good call.
However…
September 24th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Ok. He looks…less than perfect….in those pics.
However, I still believe a movie would be possible if done correctly. I could totally see Arnold in a Peter Keys like role, running an elite group that track and eliminate predators.
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:51 am
This site is fantastic!
Check out the E-Cards. They’re hilarious!
http://disbeliefnet.com/
October 6th, 2008 at 7:36 am
October 8th, 2008 at 7:04 am
Who knew menstruation was a deal breaker for divinity?
October 10th, 2008 at 9:01 am
HIDDEN!
Artist: Razorlight
Album: Razorlight, 2006
HIDDEN!
October 10th, 2008 at 11:37 am
this isn’t sci fi but it is genius.
http://tech.msn.com/news/articlecnet.aspx?cp-documentid=11018138>1=40000
October 11th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Holy shit! That IS genius. If the cops catch that guy they should hire him. We could use a few cops who think like that.