“It’s Groundhog Day!”
Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cold out there today. It's cold out there every day; what is this, Miami Beach? Not hardly! And you know you can expect hazardous travel later today with that, you know, that, uh, that blizzard thing. The National Weather Service is calling for a "big blizzard thing!" Yes, they are. But you know, there's another reason why today is especially exciting. The big question on everybody's lips, their chapped lips: do ya think Phil is gonna come out and see his shadow? Punxsutawney Phil! That's right, woodchuck chuckers, it's Groundhog Day! And to celebrate, The Sci-Fi Guys give you our first ever SALUTE TO TIME LOOPS!
In case you were sealed underground in a bomb shelter in 1993, Groundhog Day was Bill Murray's amazing hit movie about a man forced to live the same day over and over again until he gets it right. Everyone in the world except for two shut-in invalids in Turkmenistan went to see this movie. Everyone of them loved it more than chocolate and sex. Because of the pure heavenliness of this movie and it's amazing box office sales, Bill Murray has enough money to buy Saturn. Kinda sucks that we're no not reviewing it, huh? Oh, well. We do, however, have a ton of great sci-fi/fantasy time loop stuff to cover. I need to throw out some love and thanks for this article, which I couldn't possibly have done on my own. Fortunately I've got my girls watching out for me, so I'm not flying solo on this. Writing with me are Sci-Fi Girl and Mrs. X, who rock the sci-fi casbah whether the sharif likes it or not. But enough about us. Let's talk time loops. Let's talk The Twilight Zone.
There was a time, back when there was such a thing as independent local television stations in the United States, that The Twilight Zone could be seen with far greater frequency than it can now. And that's a damn shame. I consider the gobbling up and mindless standardization of local television stations by national media conglomerates to be a fucking crime against American entertainment. It used to be that, while the big name-brand stations were pumping out afternoons full of soap operas and other completely unwatchable shit, local independent stations were rerunning old Twilight Zone and Honeymooners episodes, followed up with two or three hours of cartoons like Transformers, Thundercats, G.I. Joe, He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe, and all those magnificent Japanese cartoons that you couldn't see anywhere else on American television. The major networks were too afraid to touch syndicated cartoons full of science fiction and violence and sorcery and characters that were not cute little animals. Independent local television stations made it possible for kids my age to get our first childhood taste of anime (of course, at the time, we didn't have that word; it was 'Japanimation' back then, junior).
Local independents were also the only ones who could decide to change their scheduling and line-up every couple of months and do wacky shit like run back to back episodes of Star Trek at 9 and 10 PM on Friday nights, or have a 24-hour marathons of The Twilight Zone twice a year, or run the G.I. Joe and Thundercats movies in prime time, just because they fucking felt like it. Local managers had the authority to make those decisions then, and if you didn't live through it, I can't describe to you how cool it was. There was nothing like on network television, ever. It was really something special. In the early to mid-1980s there were over 300 independent TV stations in the US. Only a fraction of that remains. There are only six independent television stations left in Ohio, and only one here in Kentucky. Canada's got it even worse; there's only one independent television station left in the whole country. Now almost all of those great little stations are dead except for their call letters. Everybody watches the same homogenized, centrally programmed fucking network garbage everywhere at the same time. I honestly feel a sense of loss about this, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I wish Sci-Fi Girl had been able to see how cool these little stations were. Her generation will never experience television like I did when I was a kid. I don't watch TV much any more, and I think the loss of quirky, interesting local stations is a big part of that. Its hard for me to keep glued to the set these days. I remember TV before it sucked.
Television has fallen greatly in my estimation over the past 20 years, but the glory days were fuckin' fine. Around Cincinnati, there were two major independents. The first was the always struggling Channel 64, WIII, "the I's of Cincinnati." Their transmitter was woefully inadequate; we lived a mere 30 miles from Cincinnati, and WIII wasn't even a blip when you passed it on the dial. It may as well have not been there at all. But Grandma, who lived not too far north of the station, got it just fine. Saturday mornings at her house was all about 5:30 AM WIII. It was the only time and place in my world I could drink in such tempting Asian delights as Robotech, Tranzor Z, Voltron, and Starblazers. A bowl of cereal in hand, sitting in my Grandpa's chair in my tighty-whities was the first time I saw a naked cartoon character. Robotech, Lynn Minmei, shower scene on the SDF-1. Guess the guys at WIII didn't watch the tapes before they aired them. And I suppose anybody in the world like myself who was watching at the time - there were probably about ten of us - wasn't about to make a fuss, because they aired anime for a damn long while. Sweet fucking Jesus, I loved these shows. Channel 64 didn't have a lot to offer, but it did have Japanimation, and that was enough for me to love it 'til the day it died.
And then there was Channel 19. WXIX. King of UHF. The only television station in the nation to have it's call letters reflect its channel in Roman numeral form. And, as far as any of us kids were concerned, the holy motherfucking grail of television. We lived down in a valley in the woods of Kentucky, and our television reception was spotty at best. Only on rainy days, or when the unknowable whims of the gods of electromagnetic broadcasting deemed us temporarily worthy, could we could get Channel 19. And when it happened, Frog Boy and I would be glued to the TV like that construction worker's hardhat was glued to that steel beam. It was Channel 19, god damn it. That's not just something you just turn off.
Channel 19 brought me my first taste a lot of things I love to this day. Transformers, Star Trek, Taxi, WKRP In Cincinnati, the really good syndicated episodes of The Real Ghostbusters that ABC didn't air, Batman: The Animated Series, All In The Family, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - you name it, and there's a 50/50 chance I saw it on WXIX first. But most of all, it brought me The Twilight Zone. One of the most significant reasons I write my little reviews and that I love sci-fi so goddamn much to this day is one that I don't think I've written about until now. Its The Twilight Zone. While Star Trek reruns were always fun to watch when I was a kid, and the occasional goofiness of Buck Rogers or Battlestar Galactica were an okay way to kill an hour, Twilight Zone reruns were a must. Those were the shows you dropped everything else for.
Now that I've forced you to read the entire history of Cincinnati area broadcasting from the perspective of a child who was too young to have witnessed much of it, I should probably start talking about time loops, huh? That's what this article's about, remember? So lets talk about "Shadow Play."
"Shadow Play" is not my favorite episode of The Twilight Zone, but its a damn good one. It focuses on a condemned man who is reliving his sentencing and execution over and over. Unlike Groundhog Day, the man comes to realize that he is, in fact, dreaming. But that's not the point of the story. The point, a point made clear in Groundhog Day and in the two television shows reviewed below, is that repetition, to quote Stephen King, is Hell.
We fade into the story already in progress, as many episodes of The Twilight Zone do. We see a courtroom in which we witness Adam Grant being sentenced to death for the crime of murder. He looks equally worried and terrified, but not at the sentencing. He was worried before that. You see how this show was made? The Twilight Zone, unlike most shows then and now, assumed its audience was intelligent enough to pick up on what was going on without being spoon fed the details. We don't need to be told that this man has more on his mind than being sentenced the electric chair. We don't need to know what happened to him before this, or how he came to be there. All we need to know is right there in front of us, much of it acted out wordlessly. The tension is evident in every frame.
Enter Rod Serling. Rod was the genius behind The Twilight Zone and the undisputed lord god almighty of the twist ending. His straightforward delivery makes him the master of all The Twilight Zone's fucked up ceremonies, and I think its safe to say that everyone who has ever tried to equal him in the "Hello, I'm your host, and welcome to the most twisted part of Hell" arena has fallen laughably short. Anyone else in his position would have been tempted to go the Igor/Crypt Keeper route and act all mangled and fucked up. Not Serling. No, Rod appeared on screen dressed in a nice suit, hair neatly groomed, casually smoking a cigarette, voice level and clear, telling you in as plain and calm a manner as humanly possible that the worst fucking things in the world were about to happen to you, and there was nothing you could do about it. This guy was the man.
In the case of "Shadow Play", he lets the audience see exactly what's going on, then tells them they were right. It's like the worst imaginable trip to the doctor. Before he spoke we were pretty sure we had cancer. Now that he's done talking, we know we have cancer. That's a scary difference. This is what Rod Serling had to say about poor Adam Grant:
"Adam Grant: a nondescript kind of man found guilty of murder and sentenced to the electric chair. Like every other criminal caught in the wheels of justice, he's scared, right down to the marrow of his bones. But it isn't prison that scares him, the long, silent nights of waiting, the slow walk to the little room, or even death itself. It's something else that holds Adam Grant in the hot, sweaty grip of fear, something worse than any punishment this world has to offer. Something found only in the Twilight Zone."
You see what he does? He ups the ante. We knew it was bad. He not only confirms it, but promises that it'll get worse. We knew we had cancer, but now we know it's inoperable and we're in for a lot of suffering. This is one of the reasons The Twilight Zone was, and remains, so incredible. This is not just TV. Its masterful storytelling.
As the story unfolds, we watch Adam Grant make compelling arguments that everyone he encounters are all people he has known in his waking life who are now playing the parts in his nightmare of endless repetition from which he cannot escape. Time loops the same for him again and again; he is tried, found guilty, sentenced, then executed after an exhausting and ultimately futile attempt to get a pardon and end the dream cycle.
You know what? I'm not going to tell you how it ends. Its too good. I'm not going to ruin it for you. I will tell you this: this is The Twilight Zone you're watching, so don't bank on a happy ending. Half of these shows end so horribly for the people involved that its amazing they made it on the air in the 1950s. Let me just sum up "Shadow Play" by saying that there is a point where death, dream, reality, and awakening come to a crossroads. Where a lot of bad television and movies would have resorted to special effects to tell this story, the guys behind The Twilight Zone opted for an even more effective technique. They quickly dimmed the lights in the studio, leaving the actors in absolute darkness, then faded to the next scene. It was amazing. It was SO much more impressive than any effect could have been. Fucking genius. Man, why don't they make shows like this any more?
The next time someone criticizes your taste for liking sci-fi/fantasy (let's be honest, it happens to us all), look them straight in the face and say "ROD FUCKING SERLING." If they don't immediately acknowledge that you have schooled them and that you are the complete lord and master of the Quick Stop, then they are too stupid to judge you, and you may move on your way secure in the knowledge that you are the superior life form. People like Rod Serling are not just good, they're legendary. Son of a bitch, that's good television.
Of course, those days of afternoon horrors with The Twilight Zone are long gone, like my beloved independent stations. Marking its further decline, Channel 64 changed its call letters to WSTR in 1990, and became known as "Star 64." It's death as an independent station came in 1995, when it became one of the founding UPN affiliates and changed it's name to UPN 64. Channel 19, once a beacon of everything that equaled TV coolness, quietly became a charter affiliate of the newly formed Fox network in 1986. Channel 19 resisted unecessary change and remained thoroughly awesome well into the early 90s, but started to lose much of its luster with the loss of, that's right, its impressively cool afternoon lineup. The station changed its on-air branding to fucking "Fox 19" in 1996, and it has been dead to me ever since. I'll bet the kids who watch it now don't even know what The Twilight Zone is. That makes me sad. If you were one of the lucky ones like me, you lived to see these stations in their heyday and know what I'm making such a fuss about. My only hope is that some day, somehow, we'll get local programming like this back again, and more kids will be exposed to mind-blowing shows like "Shadow Play." I don't mean to sound like such an old fart, but I swear to god, those really were the days.
Next up is my little sista, Sci-Fi Girl, with her review of the Stargate: SG-1 time loop episode "Window Of Opportunity."
Sci-Fi Girl writes: On planet P4X-639, the SG-1 team works to uncover the mystery behind an ancient device. Dr. Daniel Jackson and another archeologist named Malakai attempt to decipher the Latin-like language that covers the walls surrounding the device, but time is a pressing issue; a geomagnetic storm begins emitting radiation, and the travelers must finish their task before the radiation becomes deadly. Malakai, though, has plans of his own.
As the storm rages, Col. O’Neil calls Jackson to the Stargate. When he does not show, the team searches for him and finds that Jackson has been shot, and Malaki has activated the device. As O’Neil and Teal’c move to attack Malakai, they suddenly find themselves back in SG-1 headquarters in Cheyenne Mountain, 10 hours earlier.
O’Neil and Teal’c are the only ones who remember being on P2X-639; the machine apparently was a time loop machine, so now O'Neil and Teal’c get looped to the past every 10 hours. Everyone else believes they‘re crazy.
I'm breaking off from the storyline here, but I would find that sooo annoying. I mean, having to sit through the same briefing 50 effin’ times? That’s just not cool… anyway, back to the story…
O’Neil and Teal’c find a way to keep notes and info around for the next loop. They and Jackson are trying to translate the Latinish language so they can go back, shut down the machine, and happy-do-da day. Of course, they only have 10 hours to do this each time, so when Jackson is translating and you have nothing to do, there’s nothing like juggling paper wads. Yes, that’s right, after you get sick from spinning in your chair why not teach an alien how to juggle.
It seems as though their getting nowhere and aren’t getting anything done, right? Wrong. At one point Jackson states, “If you know in advance that everything will go back to the way it was, you could do anything you want with out having consequences.” This seems to brighten their day; O’Neil has some ideas.
We start out by seeing the artistic side of O’Neil as we find him failing at trying to make a clay pot on a wheel. We then go on to see him ride through the army base on a bike with a little dingy bell. Then, my favorite part, O’Neil teaches Teal’c how to golf. And not just any golf - intergalactic golf! Yep, they open the Stargate to another planet and golf. Wouldn’t you love to set the world record for golf? Heck I could do it, and I can’t even hit 50 yards (just ask my gym teacher).
Ok, that’s all fun and all, but the next part I must explain for you nitwits out there who don’t watch Stargate. In the military you obviously can’t date anyone in your group-thingy. Col. O’Neil and Major Carter have feelings for each other that they obviously can’t express, so, as a non-consequential action, O’Neil resigns. When General Hammond asks why, O’Neil says, "So I can do this," and a few seconds before they loop again, he dips Carter and kisses her. *sigh* How romantic.
Anyway, long story short, they figure out a way to shut down the machine and we all live happily ever after. Now that were at the end you may ask how many times they looped. Well here’s an answer: the episode only shows 20 loops, each loop lasting 10 hours (we established that part already), but at the end Carter says that the Tokra have been trying to contact them for 3 months! You do the math. ~Sci-Fi Girl~
And for those of you out there who don't want to do the math, three months of 10 hour loops comes to a minimum of 216 loops. At least that's what Wikipedia tells me. And I think we all know that there's no fact as solid as a fact based on anonymously posted, unverified popular opinion…
[WARNING: GEEKSPLOSION IMMINENT! STOP READING IMMEDIATELY IF YOU ARE NOT A FREAKNERD LIKE CHRIS!]
Okay, I wasn't able to trust what I read, so I've just done the math for myself. The Wikipedia answer is wrong. You hear me? The price is wrong, bitch! The minimum three month span is the Jan-Feb-March stretch of 90 days (on a non-Leap Year). That's usually 2160 hours, but in the northern hemisphere, where the SG-1 HQ is located, Daylight Savings Time sometimes falls on the last Sunday in March. The subtraction of the Daylight Savings hour makes for a minimum of 215.9 loops, assuming it is possible to only complete a partial loop. Conversely, the maximum number of loops would usually be 220.8
If we assume this episode took place in 2000, the year it was first aired, the minimum loops really is 216 (in 2000, Daylight Savings Time fell on April 2nd, the first Sunday in April). However, if we assume the episode took place on the exact date it first aired, August 4th, then Daylight Savings interferes yet again. In 2000, daylight savings ended on October 29th, but the guys would have been looping until November 4th; that's 92 days, or 2208 hours. We need to tack an extra hour on there for October 29th; in this scenario they would have completed a maximum of 220.9 loops. Of course, if the whole Earth was caught in this time loop, then all this talk about months, days, and Daylight Savings becomes completely immaterial, but I think the important thing to remember is that god damn, I am a fucking NERD.
Next up we have Mrs. X's review of The X-Files contribution to the time loop genre, "Monday."
Mrs. X writes: Greetings, Mrs. X here with, believe it or not, my first review ever of an X-Files episode on this site. When Chris asked me to review this particular episode for his special Groundhog Day article, how could I pass up the chance? Although I’m not a huge fan of this particular ep, you just can’t say no to Chris. If you do, bad things happen… bad things. Anyway, on with the review.
"Monday" isn’t particularly one of my favorite X-Files episodes. In fact, I wouldn’t even put it in my top 10. Don’t get me wrong; it’s watchable. But it’s not an episode I would watch over and over again, hahahaha, pun totally intended. This is a Season 6 stand alone episode.
For those of you not familiar with The X-Files (shame on you!), there are two types of episodes: the alien mythology arc episodes, which deal with all of the alien conspiracy stuff, and the stand alone episodes, which deal with weird, strange and paranormal phenomena, but have really nothing to do with the overall “mythology” of the show. Season 6 has some particularly great stand alone episodes: "Drive," "Triangle," "Dreamland," "Dreamland II," "How the Ghosts Stole Christmas" (with Ed Asner and Lilly Tomlin), "Terms of Endearment," "The Rain King," "Agua Mala," "Arcadia" (Mulder and Scully pretending to be married), "Alpha," "Trevor," "Milagro" (one of my personal favorites, very shippy), "The Unnatural" (great shippiness at the end, written and directed by David Duchovny), "Three of a Kind" (great Lone Gunman centered episode), "Field Trip," "Tithonus," and of course "Monday." Since this isn’t an all inclusive Season 6 stand alone episode review, I will get back to my review of "Monday," but I highly urge you, dear reader, to check out some of these episodes if you haven’t seen them yet. Oh, and one more side note before I really get into the review — Season 6 marks the first season of filming in LA after they moved production of The X-Files from Vancouver.
Like I said earlier, "Monday" isn’t horrible, but in my opinion it isn’t great either. Sorry if its someone’s favorite episode out there, but I could take it or leave it. It was written by two veteran X-Files writers, Vince Gilligan and John Shiban, and was directed by the great Kim Manners, whose name appears on many excellent episodes. The basic plot of "Monday" is, for lack of a better phrase, a rip off of Groundhog Day. The same day keeps repeating over and over again, except here no one is really supposed to learn any lesson or change their personality. It’s more of a study in free will versus fate. Are we destined to do certain things and meet certain people, and no matter what we do that won’t change? Or can we change events in our life through our actions, thus guiding our own existence?
The episode opens with what appears to be a hostage situation outside of a bank: lots of police cars, SWAT, and the head honcho of the X-Files at the FBI, Assistant Director Walter Skinner. A strung out, frightened looking girl runs to Skinner, warning him that she is reliving this day over and over again. This poor woman is Pam, but Skinner doesn’t know who the hell she is.
Cut to the bank interior: Mulder has been shot and Scully is holding him in her lap trying to apply pressure on the wound. Bernard, the would be bank robber now turned hostage taker, sees the SWAT team approach and blows up the bank with the bomb he has strapped to himself. The opening credits roll and we are taking to the hallway of Mulder’s apartment building.
The morning paper is thrown against Mulder’s door, waking him. The scenes in Mulder’s bedroom definitely make this episode worth watching, even if the story isn’t all that great. Anytime I can see David Duchovny shirtless and in some fairly translucent pajama bottoms several times in one episode, I’ll take it… okay, sorry, back to the review. So Mulder wakes up and realizes that his bed is soaking wet. His waterbed has sprung a leak.
A side note here: Mulder never had a bed until Season 6. He always slept on his couch. The bed was acquired by one Morris Fletcher whom Mulder switched bodies with in "Dreamland" and "Dreamland II." Since Mulder has no memory of the events that took place in those episodes, he really doesn’t know how he got the waterbed, but he’s sleeping in it anyway. The floor is soaked, his alarm clock has shorted out, his cell phone is waterlogged, and he is late for work. On his way back from getting a pan from the kitchen, he trips over his shoes. This is a subtle thing that will change over the course of the episode as he travels through the time loop.
When he finally arrives at work and informs Scully he has to deposit his pay check so that he can cover the personal check he wrote his landlord for the damages. Mulder tells her how his morning has gone, and she asks when he got a waterbed; this is another reference to the Dreamland episodes of which Scull also has no memory. Scully returns to the meeting she and Mulder were supposed to be attending, a tedious dicussion of crime projections, and Mulder heads to the bank.On his way, Mulder passes Pam and looks at her; she notes that he’s never done that before. Mulder is waiting in line at the bank when Bernard decides to rob the place. Scully, who has left the meeting to go look for Mulder, walks into the bank, realizes what’s going on, and draws her gun on Bernard. Mulder draws his weapon, Bernard shoots Mulder, and then blows up the bank. Again.
Cut to the hallway of Mulder’s apartment. Again.
The paper wakes Mulder, his waterbed has sprung a leak (mmm… more shirtless Duchovny), and he goes through the same motions, except this time when he trips over his shoes, he falls backwards instead of forward. When he gets to work he rips his paycheck while opening it, another subtle change. This time around, he and Scully have a discussion about fate versus free will, which I think is what the story is trying to convey.Instead of Mulder going to the bank, Scully says she will go for him. He agrees to let her, but then realizes that he gave her the wrong part of the check and has to go to the bank to catch her. Of course Pam is sitting in the car as he goes by, and the longer the episode goes on the worse you start to feel for this poor girl who is obviously doomed to relive the same day over and over again, I can definitely see where it would take a toll. So Mulder goes into the bank, and, long story short, Bernard blows it up again.
We see the paper hit Mulder’s front door four more times, indicating the start of the same day, same events over and over again. On the fifth repetion, Mulder wakes up, the waterbed has sprung a leak, but he tells the person on the other end of the phone that he will pay for it and hangs up, a distinct difference from the last couple of times he has repeated the day. It seems that Spooky is starting to tune into what’s going on.Meanwhile, Pam has made her way into the FBI building through a tour group and found Scully. She tries to warn her of what’s happening, but Scully, a skeptic to the last, doesn’t believe her. Scully tells Mulder of the encounter anyway, and Mulder describes having an overwhelming since of déjà vu all morning. As if to test whether or not he has free will, Mulder tells Scully that he will use the ATM, which turns out to be out of order. Mulder chooses not to go into the bank, and heads back to the meeting. Unfortunately Scully has left the meeting to look for Mulder and Mulder follows her… back to the bank.
At this point Pam gets out of the car and tells him that she has been doomed to repeat this day, she has tried everything to reverse her fortune, but it’s obviously up to Mulder to stop it. Mulder hears shots from inside the bank and goes in with gun drawn. Of course the bank blows up again, but this time before it does Mulder repeats to himself “He has a bomb, he has a bomb strapped to himself" over and over again.
We get to repeat the day one more time. Mulder is in the bank looking at Bernard, repeating "He’s got a bomb, he’s got a bomb…" Mulder walks over to Bernard, lays his gun down on the counter, and tells Bernard he is a federal agent and to take the gun. As many times as I’ve seen this episode I still don’t understand why Mulder would tell this guy to take his gun, but whatever. Now Bernard has two guns, way to go Mulder, and he tells everyone that it’s a hold up. Scully enters the bank with Pam and tells him to drop the guns. He says no, of course,
and then there is the sound of sirens. I don’t know why this guy didn’t think they would trip the silent alarm, but again, whatever - I didn’t write this episode. Thinking he was betrayed, Bernard pulls the trigger, but Pam jumps in front of Mulder and takes the bullet. Bernard realizes what he has done, drops to his knees and is handcuffed. Pam is now laying on the floor bleeding, Scully calls 911 and with her last breath Pam tells her, “This never happened before.”One last time we cut to the paper hitting Mulder’s front door.
He wakes up, only this time (much to my dismay) he is wearing a shirt. He is also sleeping on the couch. He looks at his watch and we see it is Tuesday; Scully calls and tells him Skinner wants their report on the robbery. She comments on Bernard’s accomplice and of course Mulder says that he doesn’t think she was an accomplice, but that she was simply trying to get away. The last shot we see is of the newspaper that woke him, and its report of the events of the day…
As far as episodes go I would probably give it 4 Xs out of 10. It’s watchable, but really does get tedious towards the end. I also didn’t like the fact that it was never fully explained why Pam was meant to repeat the day over and over again. It gets points for shirtless Duchovny, but I thought it was really weak for a Gilligan/Shiban written episode. I also wasn’t a big fan of the Pam character; she was just a little too greasy and strung out looking. I understand that she and Bernard were down on their luck, but that whole unshowered look really got on my nerves. But I guess if I had to repeat the same day over and over again, I probably would say to hell with personal hygiene, too. I mean, at that point who cares.
There are many stand alone episodes in Season 6 that are much better than "Monday," but if you haven’t seen this episode I would recommend watching it. And if you have seen it feel free to leave your comments and opinions about it right here on The Sci-Fi Guys webpage. Mrs. X signing off.
So there you have it folks, our first ever SALUTE TO TIME LOOPS! Much love to and Sci-Fi Girl and Mrs. X who made this year's Groundhog Day celebration bigger and better than it could have possibly been without them. Scroll down and give them some props - this I command! And be sure to check back next Groundhog Day. You know, I have a funny kind of feeling we'll be doing this again next year. And again, and again, and again, and again…
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:27 am
Great job you guys…way to go!
Mark
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:28 am
I thought I was going to have to yell and scream! I had to scroll through 10 pictures in the X-Files areticle to get to a picture of Scully. I thought it was going to be a Scully free article and without Scully, what’s the point? But I was rewarded for my scrolling, though it was only one little picture.
Good article though. I never saw either of these episodes but I only caught the X-Files and Stargate SG-1 as I had time. However, both series are on my list of complete DVD seasons to aquire.
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:28 am
Damn Chris great nitpicking on the watch. As much as I know about the X-Files that is even a new fact on me. Very interesting. I didn’t mention it in the article, but some people say on day two as the camera pans past Mulder’s shoulder as he is sitting on his bed you can see he has a picture of Scully in his room. I have puased and slow advanced on the dvd and it does look like Scully, but I couldn’t tell cause it’s kinda blurry. However, being the shipper that I am, I will say it is Scully.
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:29 am
Thanks, babe, I do what I can. I threw in an extra half naked Mulder pic for you, just because I care. By the way, if I ever start a band, I’m naming it ‘Shirtless Duchovny.’ That’s one hell of a name.
Balthazar, I couldn’t agree more. Gillian Anderson is FINE. Mrs. X and I used to watch The X-Files together and talk about how much each of us would like to nail our respective objects of adoration. The regrettable thing about The X-Files is that Scully never really smiled or laughed much, but Gillian Anderson’s smile is absolutely stunning, particularly when she laughs.
How do I love her? Let me show you the ways…
[check back soon for the pics, my bitches]
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:29 am
Hey if you want to see Gillian laugh and smile watch the gag reels. You can find most of them on YouTube. Of course I have seasons 1-6 on video tape. I really need to get them transfered to DVD. But she laughs a ton on those and can really cuss with the best of them.
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:30 am
In case anybody’s still waiting, I’m gonna post the Gillian Anderson pics over on Mrs. X’s Valentine’s Day review of The X-Files episode “Milagro.”
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:31 am
SPECIAL TIME LOOP EDITION
HIDDEN!
HIDDEN!
Artist: REM
Album: Reveal, 2001
HIDDEN!
HIDDEN!
HIDDEN!
Artist: Criag David
Album: Born To Do It, 2001
HIDDEN!
HIDDEN!
February 2nd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
But 2000 was a leap year.
February 2nd, 2008 at 2:59 pm
What the hell are you talking about?
February 2nd, 2008 at 5:08 pm
In your calculations of how long the Stargate loop happened - did you take into consideration the fact that 2000 is a leap year.
I’ll be honest, I’ve been away from the InnerTubes for the past four days and had a lot of stuff to catch up on, like the new MS Yahoo! (R)(TM)(C) and all, so I only briefly perused this article and honed in on the “Major Geek” section cause, well, I’m a big damned geek too. Now that I’ve read it, I don’t think the leapiness of 2000 as any weight, but I just wanted to point it out.
For example. My birthday is September 9, 1975. My brother was born a year later, September 8, 1975. We’ve been telling people that we’re 364 days apart. Thirty years we’ve been telling people that, and then while doing some Java calendar coding a couple months ago Robin realizes that 1976 is a leap year. That means that we are 365 days apart. One year apart, nearly to the hour, different birth “dates”.
I look at it this way: as far as sibling go, in relation to the sun, the places that Robin and I were born were much closer than most siblings. I mean, you can say that you and your sister were born in the same room of a house, but in relation to the sun there could have been hundreds of thousands of miles between those actual space-locations. Robin and I? Not so much.
February 5th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
For Mrs. X…
February 5th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
THAT IS BADASS!!!!!!!!!!!
February 5th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
February 5th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Q - Hate to be a nitpicking geek here, but when you take into account eccentricities in the Earth’s rotation and orbit, you and Robin are probably more likely on the order of hundreds of thousands of miles between exact birth space locations. That’s still pretty impressive though, because everyone else is on the order of tens of millions. Astronomically speaking, you guys were essentially born in the same damn spot.
February 5th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
"Give me a chance to tell the bard's tale, and I give you my word on humble knee, whence you shall not say it wasn't e'r to be."
Attention fans of intelligent, truly funny television: there's an Arrested Development movie on the way. This is awesome, awesome news for those of us who hate things that suck. Those of you who actually like things that suck can relax, too; According To Jim has been renewed for an inexplicable seventh season. Click the pic for the scoop on the Bluth family comeback.
February 5th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
I heard about the Arrested Development movie, awesome! I will say I watched that show from the beginning and I loved it. I still watch the reruns. There are some great inuendos in many of the episodes and it’s just all around very well written and acted. If you haven’t ever watched it I highly recommend renting or buying the DVDs. Henry Winkler is great in it and as much as I don’t like Liza Minellie (sp?) I loved her as Lucille 2.
February 6th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Mrs. X, did you happen to click on the X in the window? This is a very dangerous game you’re playing. You must leave no stone unturned, no clue uninvestigated. I left a document there, a document that has been hidden from the world since the early 1950s. This document contains sensitive information that THEY do not want you to know about. Secrecy is vital. I cannot allow one person to risk the fate of the human race. If asked, I will deny all knowledge of your operations. Good luck to you.
Trust no one.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:14 am
VERY NICE!!!!!! Gotta love shirtless Duchovny with his hair all mussed up. On the XF2 front I recently read over at the X-Files Idealist Haven Spoiler Board that Skinner is indeed gonna be in the movie. This gets my hopes up a little bit that maybe CC really will give the fans what they want out of this movie.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:37 am
I’ve got story spoilers about the movie, too. What I’ve heard fits in very, very well with the final episode. Not only that, but it perfectly explains the presence of the FBI agents played by Amanda Peet and Xibit. And, if I’ve read between the lines correctly and what I think is going on is actually going on, it makes other FBI agents a necessity. I’ll post the spoilers later today for whoever wants to read them.
February 7th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Val Kilmer? Who the hell though of asking him?
February 7th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
AHHHHHHHH POST THEM NOW POST THEM NOW!!!!!!!! I swear I’m the biggest spoiler whore that ever was.
February 7th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Spoilers coming soon…
February 7th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
You’re a tease :)……..the suspense is killing me
February 7th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
X
February 8th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Please be patient guys, the site is on it’s period and its been acting bitchy all day. We’re working on it.
February 9th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Sorry this is late…
HIDDEN!
Artist: The Rolling Stones
Album: Their Satanic Majesties Request, 1967
HIDDEN!
February 11th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
“The important thing is to do good work,
no matter what medium you do it in.”
Roy Richard Scheider
November 10, 1932 – February 10, 2008
February 11th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Ghostbusters 3?
Ivan says “Don’t count on it.”
Oh, but there might bet yet-another Mortal Kombat…. ugh.
And there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.
February 12th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Forgot to post this when it came out. I’m not in it, but I thought it was too funny not to pass along:
February 8, 2008
The Top 10 Things Sci-Fi Characters Say When They’re Stoned
10> R2D2: “What if you’re a disembodied brain, kept alive in a little metal trash can? Didja ever think of that?”
9> “Oh man, I could grok an entire bag of Cheetos.”
8> Data: “You know I can’t use contractions unless I’m stoned. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Ha! I’m so wasted!”
7> Scotty: “Dude!!! I can fix it. I got this bodacious set of tools, me lad!!”
6> “No I haven’t been smoking anything. I’ve just got a First Contact high!”
5> Spock: “It is illogical to make a trek for White Castles when these Twinkies will satisfy our munchies righteously.”
4> “No really, man, you gotta try this Arrakis Sandworm Gold! That Baron Harko-whatsit guy said it’ll make you feel like your’re totally floating!”
3> “Think about it, there could be an entire civilization living on the inner surface of this ring, an entire Ringworld, if you will, Mr. Frodo.”
2> I’m telling you, they’ve had a warp drive that runs on water for years, but the anti-matter companies and their Federation flunkies don’t want us all to know.
and the Number 1 Thing Sci-Fi Characters Say When They’re Stoned…
1> Yoda: Great this weed is. Now munchies will you fetch!
[ Copyright 2008 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
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Selected from 40 submissions from 13 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Heather Mina, Virginia Beach, VA — 1
Dan Thompson, Austin, TX — 2
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 3, 9
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 4
Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 5, 8
Guy Reeves, Houston, TX — 6
Darin Oberhart, Bettendorf, IA — 7
Doug Crews, Oceanside, CA — 10
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — Topic
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator
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February 12th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
February 12th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Now this has potential:
http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/hancock/
February 12th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
DanM - Hancock looks like it has the potential to be hilarious. Jason Bateman is the man!
On an entirely unrelated note, check this out:
Those of you who know me personally, look closely at the handwriting. Look familiar? This is MY GODDAMN TEST. Somehow a bunch of my old high school test answers have ended up online. This is the kind of smart ass answer I would give whenever I either didn’t know the answer, or I thought the question was too vague. The second thing was going on here. There’s no way to tell what’s going on from this graph; obviously the mass is decreasing over time and levels off at the end, but I couldn’t possibly tell why from the graph provided. Since I couldn’t tell, and I was extremely uncomfortable (it was burning hot in the room where we were taking this test), I decided to be a smart ass and literally describe the graph.
This test was taken LONG before our current era of ubiquitous internet access and color scanners. I don’t know how in the hell someone got a hold of it. I’m AMAZED it still exists. I would have thought this would have been shredded or sent to the landfill YEARS ago. What’s more amazing is that this was not just a test, but one of those standardized state tests they carted us off to another school to take. I remember specifically taking this test because every single one of us in the top 25 of our class took it and none of us could believe how ass-rapingly hard this test was. There are a few other smart ass answers of mine floating around out there. You’ll be able to spot them by the horrendous handwriting and the disturbingly frequent misspellings of simple words like "straight."
You can see more of my stuff at innocentenglish.com, and a bunch of other people’s as well. Despite my inquiries, no one’s fessed up to posting my tests online. Not that I mind, I’m just curious who the hell it was.
By the way, I found some of my smart ass history test answers from high school. I’ll post some pics of those soon.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:59 am
I was just wondering if Mark was part of that elite 25?? Considering he never made honors society, probably not.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Here you go, Indy:
Watch the Trailer on Yahoo! Movies
February 14th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
DAMN!
Mark actually graduated the year before me, so I don’t know if he was in his class’s top 25. But that’s funny as hell, babe. Mark, she just took your ass to school. How does that feel? Does it make you mad, Mark? Does it make you mad to hear someone question your very questionable intellect? Does it make you doubt yourself? Make you feel a little inferior, perhaps? How does it feel to be owned that completely, Mark? And it was done so publicly… I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now. The only thing I can say is…
February 14th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Click the pic to open your X-Men valentines!
February 14th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
This sucks:
February 14th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Jesus god damned motherfucking Christ. That Indy trailer confirmed one of my worst fears. I’ve got pics of the alien costumes from Close Encounters being used on the Crystal Skull set, and I really hoped they were there as a diversion to throw people off and help keep the real story a secret. But the magnetic 1947 Roswell crate seems to confirm it: this Indy flick is gonna have fucking aliens.
Click for full size.
Am I the only one bothered by this?
February 14th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Sorry, Dan, didn’t see your post there.
Yeah, it blows that we’ll have to wait an additional six months for Star Trek, but do you realize how awesome this news is? What the studio’s seen of this movie so far must be fucking INCREDIBLE. Think about it; they’ve got J.J. Abrams helming this thing. They’ve got Leonard Nimoy telling us this is some of the best Trek scripting he’s seen in decades. And now they’re reorganizing their entire release schedule for the next year and a half to put Star Trek on the summer schedule, where the big money is made. I’m not saying studios haven’t been wrong before, and maybe this movie won’t be as good as I think, but that’s a pretty good indicator of how well people expect this movie to perform. This makes me even more enthusiastic about it. Damn, I can’t wait!
February 14th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Click the pic to open your Valentine from
Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century!
February 14th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Click on Jack Sparrow - excuse me, Captain Jack Sparrow - to open your Pirates Of The Caribbean valentines. Click the maze to see if you're pirate enough to find the key to Davey Jones's locker.
February 14th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
You know the drill.
February 14th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
February 14th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
February 14th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
February 15th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I love special edition DVD’s
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem drops on DVD and Blu-ray disc on April 15 from Fox Home Entertainment; the “Extreme Unrated Special Edition” adds more than 10 minutes of never-before-seen footage back into the movie and features five behind-the-scenes featurettes, design galleries, directors commentary, special-effects and creature creator commentary and more.
February 15th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
“Extreme Unrated Special Edition” - Man, oh man, I like the sound of that.
February 15th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
This pic was on movieweb.com before they put up a disclaimer saying the studio asked them to pull it.
If it’s legit, be prepared to be pissed off.
February 15th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I had a bad feeling about this Indy movie, especially when they announced the lack of Nazis. Now don’t get many wrong anyone who knows me knows that I love the Cold War and the Soviets and all that, but I’m still not sold on this movie without the Nazis. And now that I see the above picture I’m not real thrilled that the Chrystal Skull maybe alien related. I should have seen a Roswell tie in coming, but I guess I haven’t been paying enough attention. It also seems to me that Harrison Ford is going to be playing the role that Sean Connery played in Last Crusade, kinda of a mentor role rather than the lead guy.
I can 100% see that if this movie does well there will be a spin off with Shai (sp?) Lebeauf in the lead roll and Harrison Ford no where to be found. Seems to me this is the beginning of the end of the Indy movies we grew up with, but it really doesn’t surprise me since studios seem to be bastardizing everything they can from the 1980s just to cash in.
February 15th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Ugh. I’m still not prepared to give up on this movie; it is Indiana Jones, after all. But why aliens? There’s plenty of mystical/religious artifacts they could have built a story around. Indy is fantasy, not sci-fi. Why do this?
On the upside, how sweet would it be if they released a LEGO version of the Soviet tree clearing machine? That thing is awesome. Click the pics for a closer look.
February 15th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Well, I was gonna save this for my next Indy article, but fuck it. Here’s what I got:
Producer Frank Marshall confirmed Crystal Skull is set in 1957. Indiana Jones is living the quiet life of a professor, but is forced back into adventuring, presumably to save Marion Ravenwood, his lover from Raiders. I’ve heard the Soviets have her, and are using her as leverage against Indy in order to get his help recovering one of 13 crystal skulls.
Here’s the thing I just found out: I may be wrong about the aliens (but I doubt it). Frank Marshall said this about the crystal skulls: “The theory is they are shaped by higher powers or alien powers or came from another world, or an ancient Mayan civilization had the powers.” It could be one of those things that we never actually find out, or it could be misdirection. I just don’t know.
I’ll tell you what I think is fucking awesome: Indy has to go to the warehouse from the end of Raiders where the US government keeps the Ark Of The Covenant. I’m not sure why he’s there, but I’m willing to bet that he’s looking for the Roswell wreckage from 1947. Apparently between Last Crusade (1938) and Crystal Skull (1957), this location has come to be known by a name which will be familiar to all of us living in 2008 - Area 51. Apparently in Indy’s universe, it’s not just a UFO conspiracy site. Its more like a warehouse to store all the weird shit the US government can’t figure out what to do with.
This interpretation of Area 51 reminds me a lot of GURPS Warehouse 23, one of the top five role-playing game books I have ever read. Warehouse 23 was inspired by the warehouse in Raiders, and was based on the question "What else has been hidden in there?" The book is not only about what you can find in the warehouse, but the warehouse itself, and the kind of conspiracies used to keep and/or discover its secrets. Lucas seems to have taken the Warehouse 23 idea and applied it to its inspiration, making the government warehouse not just a place for the Ark to conveniently get lost, but a place where the Ark and other dangerous things like are hidden away. I'm not sure how I feel about the alien connections, but I love the idea of the warehouse being the seed that grew into Area 51. Kind of reminds me of the Civil War era Fort 51 in Deadlands that grew into the centerpiece of the continuing weirdness that goes on near Roswell in that game. Good stuff.
February 15th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
crowncombo.com
February 15th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
February 15th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
HIDDEN!
Artist: Rush
Album: Exit Stage Left (concert film), 1982
Originally released on the 1981 album Moving Pictures, “Red Barchetta” is an excellent example of musical science fiction, and is hands down my favorite Rush song. It is typical of many Rush songs in that it explores issues of liberty and personal freedoms through metaphor, in this case, the metaphor of an illegal drive through a dystopian future landscape in an outlawed vehicle.
The song was inspired by the futuristic short story “A Nice Morning Drive,” written by Richard Foster and published in the November 1973 issue of Road & Track magazine. The story describes futuristic 1982 where increasingly stringent safety regulations forced cars to evolve into massive vehicles capable of withstanding a 50 mph impact without injury to the vehicle or driver. Consequently, a few unscrupulous drivers have become dangerously aggressive, and ram older, smaller cars as an illegal sport.
In order to get his permission to use the story as a basis for the song. Rush lyricist Neil Peart made several attempts to contact Foster, but was never able to. Instead, Rush included an “inspired by” notation in the album’s lyrics sheet. In July of 2007, 26 years after the song was released, Foster and Peart finally made contact. Both avid motorcyclists, Foster and Peart took a motorcycle tour through the backwoods of West Virginia between stops on Rush’s Snakes And Arrows tour. Foster’s incredibly well photographed account of this trip, “The Drummer, the Private Eye, and Me,” can be read HERE. You can also download a .pdf of “A Nice Morning Drive,” the short story that started it all, by clicking HERE.
“Red Barchetta” makes a decent interpretation of “A Nice Morning Drive,” but the more I read they lyrics, the more it becomes obvious to me that it makes an even better sequel. As a matter of fact, it works so well as a sequel I’m convinced that’s what Neil Peart intended the song to be.
Foster’s story takes place in 1982 when the Barchetta was 15 years old, making it a 1967 model. If the car from the story is the same one from Neil Peart’s lyrics, which is “fifty-odd years” old, then the song would take place around 2020. The “white-haired uncle” of the song is likely Buzz, the driver in “A Nice Morning Drive.” The story clearly indicates that Buzz owns the car, and at the end of the story he decided to stop driving it when the road conditions became even more treacherous. The character in the song states that the car is definitely not his, but belongs to his aged uncle. Also, “Red Barchetta” makes no reference to the impact-proof wheeled cars of “A Nice Morning Drive,” but does make mention of flying giant air-cars and a “Motor Law,” which presumably outlawed combustion engines and/or wheeled motor vehicles. Assuming at least 35 years has passed between Buzz’s adventures with the Barchetta and the adventures of the unnamed protagonist of the song, its not unreasonable to assume that air-cars might have been developed. It seems to me that the car is the same in the two stories, but the drivers and times are different. Like I said, it makes a perfect sequel. Just another reason that you should pray to Neil Peart tonight when you go to bed, and thank him for letting us live in his world.
February 16th, 2008 at 8:24 am
“more than 10 minutes of never-before-seen footage”
This shit pisses me off. It’s not “never-before-seen”. It’s “new”. If it was “never before seen” then that means the camera man was fucking blind and the editor and DVD compiler treated the footage like that tape in The Ring.
Sorry, just one of my pet peeves.
February 16th, 2008 at 9:25 am
Ya know, as far as Indiana Jones is concerned, I don’t mind at all. We’re not going to see any flying spaceships or lasers (…at least I hope not!) - and if you get down to it, asserting that many of the Wonders of the World are otherworldy isn’t all that much of a stretch. No Nazis? They didn’t have much of a presence in Temple of Doom, did they? Frankly, I really dig the idea of swapping Nazis with Ruskies, but I’m a fan of Russian society.
What it comes down to, for me, is the action of the movie. If the movie’s got a good story and lots of action/adventure then I’m game. Even if it’s not Harrison Ford and his whip, I’d be fine with continuing the stories with Shia as long as the stories were fun.
February 18th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
It’s not “never-before-seen”. It’s “new”. If it was “never before seen”…
Are you doing a bit? This sounds like a bad Jerry Seinfeld rip-off. I think its fairly commonly understood that “never-before-seen” is just an easier way to say “never before released by the studio in an format meant for viewing by the general public.” If you’re speaking a living language, you’re going to encounter slang. Better get used to it. Literalism will drive you nuts if you choose to pursue it. Speaking of nuts, what’s the deal with airline food?
I think your assumption that we’re not going to see any flying spaceships or lasers is premature. If you had said in 1996 that we were never going to see a Star Wars movie with Greedo shooting first, or a flying R2-D2, or a badly computer animated C-3P0 in a slapstick comedy role, I would have agreed. But all those things came to pass. Never forget for an instant that George Lucas owns the rights to Indiana Jones and is the reason the fourth movie has been shelved for so long (in the early 90s Spielberg and Harrison Ford didn’t like the idea of crystal skulls being the focal point of a fourth movie and, saying that he didn’t have any other ideas, Lucas allowed the Indiana Jones movie franchise pretty much rot for 18 years). We’ve all seen what Lucas is capable of when left unchecked. I wouldn’t rule out a UFO just yet.
I also have a problem with your assertion that it isn’t all that much of a stretch that many of the wonders of the world are otherworldy. If you’re talking about the real world, then we need to have a different conversation altogether, one that involves a lot of textbooks. But if you’re talking about in the context of the Indiana Jones saga, then it is that much of a stretch. Its a HUGE stretch.
The Indy stories have never been sci-fi. They’ve been pointedly religious. With the exception of the remains of Nurhaci, every single artifact Indiana Jones has encountered in the movies, even the incidental ones, have been centered around (or mystically empowered by) the kind of magic to be found in human faith. The Hovito fertility idol, the headpiece to the staff of Ra, the Ark Of The Covenant, the lost shivalingam stones, the Thuggee voodoo doll, the the Cross Of Coronado, the chamber of the false Grails, and the Holy Grail, ALL were important for their roles in ancient worship/belief structures. The 1947 Roswell aliens should have no place in that scheme. Lucas had to rein Spielberg in when they were making the first Indy movie because Spielberg was leaning towards making it sci-fi (more on that later). Indy has always been about faith-based magic derived from gods that, in the story, are very real. I don’t really think that aliens or UFOs have any place in the mystical order they’ve established in those movies. Its a lot like what may be the single worst idea Lucas ever had - the midi-chlorians. We don’t need sci-fi to explain away the magic of the story when the magic is working just fine.
And before anyone points out that Lucas isn’t directing this movie, let me say this: just because Steven Spielberg is involved is no reason for anyone to assume this movie is going to be free of stupidity. Remember the scene in Minority Report where the jet pack cooks the hamburgers? Fucking idiotic. He pointlessly injected slapstick comedy into an otherwise intelligent, fairly dark story, and the remainder of the film suffered for it. It was off-putting. Instead of making the story more enjoyable, it served only to remind you that you were in a theatre watching a very unrealistic movie, and that there was another unnecessary action sequence on the screen. It completely broke the tone of the film, and the movie never fully recovered from it. That alone makes me question his decision making skills as a filmmaker. Not to mention that Spielberg was in favor of adding elements of sci-fi to Indiana Jones from the start. When working on Raiders, Spielberg envisioned the Nazi officer Toht (you know, the creepy guy with the headpiece of the staff of Ra burned into his hand) with a robotic arm. A fucking robotic arm. In 1936. Thank god Lucas rejected that. But after seeing the Star Wars prequels, god knows what he’ll let slide nowadays. The more I think about it, the more I start to agree with Mrs. X; I’m a little nervous about the direction I see this movie headed in.
Your idea of having an Indiana Jones movie without Indiana Jones is confusing, and sounds like it would be doomed to failure. I don’t think that would ever work. I have no interest in Shia LaBeouf or Cate Blanchett, or any other weirdly spelled actor they decide to use in whatever peripheral role they decide to give them. If I’m paying for something with Indiana Jones in the title, I expect to get Indiana fucking Jones. When Harrison Ford gets too old to play the part, I have no problem with the studio finding another actor. I think there are lots more Indy stories to tell, and to be quite frank, Harrison Ford is simply not going to live long enough to tell them. But a spin-off? Forget it. Could it be a good movie? Sure it could. But it wouldn’t be an Indiana Jones movie.
In the end, I’m not paying to see a good story and lots of action/adventure. I’m paying to see a good Indiana Jones story and lots of action/adventure. There’s a BIG, BIG difference, my friend. If you’re going to attach an iconic name like Indiana Jones to a project, you had damn well better make sure you step it up as far as your story and production values are concerned. Because a lot of folks are going in with very high expectations, and they’re going to be merciless if they’re disappointed. I know, I’m one of them. The very best thing Lucas could have done with Star Wars after the Special Editions were released is just left it alone, but he went back to the well, and produced some of the most overhyped pieces of cinematic feces since the b-movie slasher film craze of the mid 1980s. Before Phantom Menace, George Lucas was a legend, and was unassailable as such. And now lots of people absolutely loathe him. Can you imagine how much more pissed they’ll be if Indiana Jones gets screwed with in the same way Star Wars did? I might be forced to actually kill the man. Mess around with Han Solo’s universe all you want. But NOBODY fucks with Indiana Jones.
February 19th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I still take issue with “never before seen”, especially when they’re talking about a movie that is only coming out for public release for the first time. I could be considerably more forgiving if we were talking about “never-before-seen” footage from BladeRunner or Gone With The Wind - movies that have been around for a long time and unseen footage is scarce, but this is a movie that just came out a few months ago. ANY new footage or deleted scenes is “never-before-seen”. Advertisial bullshit. (I like the term advertisial, although I’m sure there’s a better term for it.)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - the spin-off series really wasn’t that bad.
M*A*S*H - Spin off series with an (almost) entirely new cast, not so bad.
The Fugitive begat U.S. Marshals, and that wasn’t bad either.
I’m just saying that picking up in the same world with new characters isn’t always a bad thing.
February 19th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
M*A*S*H - Spin off series with an (almost) entirely new cast, not so bad. - Are you talking about AfterMASH or Trapper John, MD? Just curious.
In other news, ONLY A MONTH AND A HALF TO GO…
Come on up, now…
Come on up, now…
February 19th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I’m talking about M*A*S*H, the TV Series that was spun off of the original movie which had the same characters but different cast members (with the exception of Radar).
February 20th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Speaking of MASH - unlike the TV show, there are no asterisks in the film’s title - did you know that was the first major studio film to have the word ‘fuck’ in it? ‘Fucking’, actually. It was said by John Schuck during the football game at the end of the movie, and was an ad lib that was never in the script. Its perfectly audible, but ABC accidentally aired it in 1985.
John Schuck is much more famous around these parts for his role as the Klingon ambassador in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home and Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. John Schuck, you da man!
“Behold the quintessential devil in these matters: James T. Kirk, renegade and terrorist… There can be no peace as long as Kirk lives.”
“The Chancellor of the High Council is dead! The result of an unprovoked attack while he traveled to see you, under a flag of truce, on a mission of peace! Captain Kirk was legally arrested for the crime. May I remind you that he and Dr. McCoy boarded Kronos One of their own free will? None of these facts are in dispute, Mr. President!… In the meantime, we expect the Federation to abide by the articles of intersellar law, which you claim to cherish! Kirk and Dr. McCoy will stand trial for the assassination of Chancellor Gorkon… I’m waiting for your answer, sir…”
Pictured in white, Captain Walter Koskiusko “Painless Pole” Waldowski, DDS, “the best equipped dentist in the Army” (MASH, 1970). After a single incident where he failed in bed, the extremely well-hung dentist concludes he “must be a fairy”, and decides to end his life. His fellow MASH doctors pretend to help him by giving him a placebo that they tell him will “put him to sleep.” The movie/TV theme song “Suicide Is Painless” refers to both the method of Waldowski’s intended demise and to his nickname. The character was mentioned briefly in the pilot episode of the TV series, but was never seen nor mentioned again. On the far right of this image is Father Mulcahy, played by René Auberjonois, who would play Starfleet Colonel West alongside Schuck’s Klingon ambassador in Star Trek VI. Click the pic to hear Mr. Schuck deliver the fuck.
Schuck also played another pivotal Klingon, Doctor Antaak, on Star Trek: Enterprise. Along with Dr. Phlox of the Enterprise NX-01, Antaak developed a cure for a mutagenic virus plague spreading through the Klingon Empire. The cure caused changes in the affected Klingons’ appearances, leading to the loss of the “forehead bump” cranial ridges and resulting in the more human-looking Klingons seen in the original series. Antaak allowed himself to be infected in order to more quickly discover an anti-virus to halt the plague that threatened the Klingons with extinction. As a result, he was one of the first Klingons to take on a human appearance.
February 20th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Sci-Fi Guys music correspondent Mouser
Last Thursday Dave and I headed up to Friedel's for the Kid Rock shows at Joe Louis Arena. Nothing like a Kid show up there, and this was no exception. Arriving to 6 inches of snow, we got to Friedel's about 11 pm. Ended up staying up till 4:30 having some beer and playing some pool and ping pong. Since Skate was sick and couldn't make it up, I channeled him and fell asleep with a beer. That's for you Skate.
After getting some food and playing with the Wii on Friday we headed down to Joe Louis. Nice venue and cool seeing him where the Red Wings play. Wasn't sure how I was going to like the show with the special guest but it ended up being pretty cool. Have found some youtube links from the shows so they will be thrown in for those interested. Was disappointed that the set was the same the both nights, but still it was a great show so that was acceptable. The crowd Friday night seemed to be more into it, but not sure if that was because we were on the floor and got more energy from being down there. Or that could also be because I had been up since 7:30 watching Newcastle United get beat 4-1 and started a little early.
He opened with "Rock n' Roll Jesus" (above) and went into "Welcome to the Party." From there he brought out Peter Wolf from the J. Giles Band who sang "Love Stinks." From there Kid came back and hit what I would say was the best four song set of the show. Before the show I had said I was hoping "You Never Met a Motherfucker Quite Like Me" was in the set, and as Kid Rock came back out he launched into it which pleased me. "American Badass" was next followed by "Lowlife (Living the High Life)" which is by far my favorite song off the new album. What can I say, I got a dirty mind and a gutter mouth.
"Cocky" was next and is always a great live song for the crowd reaction. What can I say? I love the line "So what, say how, say who, fuck what, fuck me? Fuck you!" live. Especially with the crowd reaction to it (hey I warned you all I have a gutter mouth). Three new ones were next "All Summer Long" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR2ywEBLGZs) and "Roll On," which I am not a big fan of and could have been replaced by, say, "Sugar," which wasn't in the set to my dismay.
Cowboy" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdBi8×73l6o) came next and had the crowd pumped up. In the middle he went into the David Allen Coe classic "You Never Even Call Me By My Name," before coming back into "Cowboy." "Half Your Age" was next followed by Dickey Betts coming out to play the Allman's "Rambling Man."
He slowed things down a bit with "Only God Knows Why" before bringing back Peter Wolf for "Detroit Breakdown." The two then went into the Temps classic "Ain't To Proud To Beg" (youtube). Wolf stayed out and they did "Musta Got Lost" (youtube). I had mentioned wanting to hear "Centerfold" but didn't think we would get to hear it because I have heard J. Giles kinda stays away from it (not sure on this, just what I have heard) so I used this chance to get a beer and use the facilities. About the time I was to get up to the counter you could hear the horns for "Centerfold", so I took off running back inside so as not to miss it.
Peter Wolf & Kid Rock - “Centerfold”
The crowd went nuts for it. As Friedel said, he thought the roof was going to come off, the crowd was so loud. The song sounded great!!! May have actually been my favorite part of the night. After this Wolf left and Kid went into "Devil Without A Cause" before bringout Rev Run for some Run DMC. Not completely sure of the order on these and there was 1 or 2 Run tracks I didn't know but do remember "You Be Illin'," "Walk This Way," "It's Tricky," and "King Of Rock" being in there.
Slowing things down a bit, "Picture" was next, followed by the band intros. "Son of Detroit" was next, into "So Hot," which I like, but Dave and Friedel weren't big fans of. Must be my gutter mouth and dirty mind. Rev Run and Peter Wolf came back out for "For What It's Worth/Shine a Light" before the set closing "Bawitdaba."
Until next time…
February 20th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cgi_team_creates_realistic_oscar
February 20th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Adam! Long time no see, man! How’s it going?
If you guys haven’t done so already, click on the link Adam posted and check out the Onion article. Onion articles can be hit or miss, but this one is PERFECT. This is sarcasm at its most artistic. Thanks for the link, Adam. That’s good stuff.
February 22nd, 2008 at 11:30 am
HIDDEN!
Artist: George Clinton
Album: Computer Games, 1982