Mark reviews the NETHERWORLD Haunted House
Screams, smoke and the scraping of metal on concrete assails your ears when you arrive at what is billed as the "Best Haunted House In The World," smack dab in the middle of Norcross, GA. While in Atlanta this week for work, a group of my fellow co-workers and I decided to check out the NETHERWORLD Haunted House to see what all the hype was about… let's just say I paid $25 and don't regret a penny of it!
NETHERWORLD really is the best haunted house I have ever been too…I can't recommend it enough! I'm going to encourage my fellow sci-fi guys to take a road trip next year to this place. But don't just listen to me. Take it from the experts:
Unfortunately I didn't bring my camera so I couldn't take any pictures of the outside. However, I did get some free stuff that I can show you.
First off is the ticket.This is a quality ticket… nothing cheap or crappy about this sucker! I'm keeping this ticket. And, as a bonus for Mrs X,the back of it advertises her recommended show Reaper on the CW. Behind the ticket is a cool 30 Days Of Night poster. While this was by no means the focus of my trip to the haunted house, I appreciate free stuff. And I saw this movie the other night, but I'm going to leave discussion of that for another movie review. But it's a nice poster!
I also got this cool 30 Days Of Night glow stick. I like glow sticks. They appeal to me and remind me of my childhood. Whenever I went trick or treating I got to take a glow stick with me. Like the total nerd I am, I loved to break them open and spread the glow around. I'm sure I'll get some horrible illness from this, but it was a small price to pay to run screaming around the neighborhood glowing like a freak!
Finally, the best of the best is this "Shock-O-Rama" poster/comic cover done by a local artist. I liked this poster; it was pretty cool (and free!). Like a fool I failed to get this guy's autograph… something I'm kicking myself in the ass for right now. On the NETHERWORLD website they had a little write-up I will now share with you.
Eric “Unkle” Pigors of TOXICTOONS to appear at NETHERWORLD!
On October 22 and 23, Eric “Unkle” Pigors, the artist behind the wonderfully kreepy TOXICTOONS, will be appearing at NETHERWORLD! He has done numerous drawings for us, including our SHOCK-O-RAMA poster from last season and several t-shirt designs! Come on out for a signature and some spooky good fun with UNKLE PIGORS!
With the price of $25 you really got two attractions, NETHERWORLD (the very professional attraction) and Primal Scream (the more bush league of the two, but still freaking awesome). I have to say the scariest one was the Primal Scream.
Those who know me know that I abhore roaches. I can handle snakes, rats, etc. But show me a roach and I'm a screaming girl. As we are pushing our way through the haunted house (with my friend Christy holding my hand) I pulled aside a heavy black vinyl curtain to see a white room with a strobe light flashing on THOUSANDS of roaches on the floor, walls and ceiling. I'm a little hazy on the details but I believe I yelled "Roaches, I can't handle fucking roaches!" and dragged Christy through there so quickly I'm pretty sure she didn't see a thing. Damn, I hate those bugs.You have to visit this place. It's only about 7 hours from the homebase of the Sci-Fi Guys, and I think I would drive twice as far to see it again. Just in case you can't make it to GA, here is the list of the top 13 haunted houses in the US in 2007, as rated by the always incredible HauntWorld.com:
Top 13 Professional Haunted Attractions Of 2007
1. Netherworld Haunted House, Atlanta, GA
www.Fearworld.com
2. 13th Gate, Baton Rouge, LA
www.midnightproduction.com/the13thgate.htm
3. The Bates Motel, Philadelphia, PA
www.thebatesmotel.com
4. Headless Horseman, Ulster Park, NY
www.headlesshorseman.com
5. The Darkness / CreepyWorld, St. Louis, MO
www.scarefest.com
6. Eastern State Penitentiary’s Terror Behind the Walls, Philadelphia, PA
www.easternstate.org/halloween
7. Erebus Four Story Haunted Attraction, Detroit, MI
www.hauntedpontiac.com
8. 7 Floors of Hell, Cleveland, OH
www.7floorsofhell.com
9. SpookyWoods, Greensboro, NC
www.spookywoods.com
10. Universal Studios House of Horrors, Hollywood CA
www.universalstudioshollywood.com
11. Shipwreck Queen Mary, Long Beach, CA
www.queenmaryshipwreck.com
12. Dreamreapers, Chicago, IL
www.dreamreapers.com
13. Haunted Hotel, San Diego, CA
www.hauntedhotel.com
This is Mark reporting from Atlanta. I'm out!
October 26th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Mark, first of all, AWESOME review. Secondly, I fucking hate you. Because of time restraints and penny pinching I’ve been unable to go to a haunted house this year. And after I swore to every dark power in the cosmos last year that I would not let another year go by. Damn you, sir!
For those of you who have never spoken personally with Mark, he used to have this habit of saying, whenever anybody disagreed with him or criticized anything he did or said, “You jealous?” It didn’t even matter if that response made any sense at all, it was always “Jealous?” If you were telling him that he shouldn’t wear those pants because there was a hole in the crotch and you could see his junk drooping, or if you were telling him you thought he left the oven on because there was thick, black smoke coming out of his house, it was always the same. “Jealous?” It even got to the point where he would do it in reference to things that had nothing at all to do with him. “Man, Rally’s fries are way better than Burger King’s.” “Oh, yeah? You jealous?”
He didn’t do this because he’s ghetto trash or because he’s not smart enough to come up with a better response. No, he did it because he was perfectly aware that it made absolutely no sense whatsoever, and he knew it was infuriating. Especially to me. He used to drive me up the fucking wall with that nonsense. And its too bad Mark has chosen to retire that particular irritating behavior, because for the first time ever, I would have to say ‘yes.’ Because I am. I am totally fucking jealous.
Also, I have to apologize to Mark. I promised him that I would have this posted yesterday. However, just minutes after I made that promise, using my broad and sweeping powers as a television producer, I was able to contact the firm that represents the NETHERWORLD Haunted House and have them send me some exclusive interior photos of the attraction. Or so I though. What I actually got from them was a promise to send the photos. The photos themselves have never materialized, despite my callbacks and emails. The young lady I spoke with asked me for the web address of the site the photos would be posted on; I guess she didn’t dig what we have to say, ’cause that’s the last I heard from her.
So fuck ‘em. The article gets posted anyway, and NETHERWORLD Haunted House gets cheated out of all the extra customers whom we might have sent their way if we had received those promotional photos we were promised. I was going to make my decision to take a road trip down there based on what those photos had to offer. Guess what my decision will be based on photos I was promised but didn’t receive? Its not NETHERWORLD’s fault, though, so don’t blame them. If you’re in the area, take Mark’s advice and check the place out. Sounds like a Hell of a time. And I did manage to find this pic of one of NETHERWORLD’s creepy inhabitants, The Impaler.
October 26th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
October 26th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Well, I guess you know about Eko then. I wasn’t going to say anything, but they did a skit on SNL where they mentioned he was dead. Sucks.
What’s with these people and drunk driving? Good lord, they fire people left and right on this show for traffic violations. I don’t feel bad for anyone who gets kicked off this show for this kind of shit. I wish professional athletic organizations would take a lesson from the creators and producers of Lost. The people who run this show have made it crystal clear that they’re not going to tolerate any of this spoiled celebrity bullshit from these people. Why would you go and do the very thing that got your co-stars canned? This makes no sense. Fuck this dumb ass; I say they fire him just to keep the streak going.
October 29th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
Hey, gang. My annual Halloween bash happened this weekend, and I want to thank everybody who was able to make it. Good times and glow sticks had by all… and plenty of booze. For those of you whom I haven’t met in person, this was my first Halloween party after a ridiculously long hiatus from them. They were an annual staple of mine, and now they are once more. I couldn’t be happier about it.
The reason that I’m telling you this is that I am still a little exhausted, hung over, dehydrated, or whatever else you want to call it, and I am in absolutely no shape to write an article today. Instead, to go along with Mark’s haunted house review, I’ve got some videos of people getting the hell scared out of them. You can find a lot of these on YouTube, but a lot of them are either repetitive or just plain boring. I’ve gone through a bunch of them and collected the best of the lot for you here. Enjoy.
My favorite thing about this video is that the black guy, who is WAY too old to be going up to people’s houses without a costume on, looks genuinely terrified. I don’t think he was out to hurt anybody, I think he was honestly scared shitless. As soon as he gets down the stairs he seems to come to his senses and help the guy. Quick Halloween tip: if you’re six feet tall with no costume on and you can’t control yourself when you’re scared, don’t go trick or treating. Its a good way to end up in prison. But guess what, scarecrow? YOU GOT OWNED!
I love the guy who gets scared here because he reacts just like Mark does when you really scare him, but he curses constantly just like me. Guess what, Mr. Grand Theft Auto? YOU GOT OWNED!
You’ve probably seen this one, but I’m posting it here for no other reason than that its a classic. What I love is that the kid is practically begging his father for help, and the guy’s just holding a video camera six inches from his face and laughing at him. Welcome to the world, kid. YOU GOT OWNED!
Oh god, how I long for the day when I’ll finally scare someone badly enough that they excrete on themselves. Maybe I should do what this guy did and wait until the process is already under way. In any case, it takes a lot of dedication to wait in hiding while another man backs one out a foot away from you. This guy is a real trooper. And that rhymes with ‘pooper.’ The jokes never end, here, folks. Never. Guess what, potty boy? YOU GOT OWNED!
The next few clips come from Scare Tactics on the Sci-Fi Channel. All are Halloween worthy.
Vampires.
Sawmill ghosts.
Rat monster.
The doll party. This one is beyond creepy. Its straight FUCKED UP.
The Beast.
This one’s just for Mrs. X.
Monster in the closet. The babysitter hit the nail on the head; this kid is the best child actor in the world.
Mummy.
“Do you think I’m pretty?”
Bigfoot.
Now back to the homemade clips…
Although not the funniest, this may be the best and most effective scare ever caught on film. Its one thing to reduce a child to a screaming, sobbing mess on the floor, but when you manage to do it to an adult, then you, my friend, have talent. I scared Mark almost this badly once, and it ended up scaring me, too, because I was honestly afraid he was going to die. God, what I would give to have that on tape…
What I don’t get is how some of these YouTube videos look so great but have such shitty sound. This one’s compressed so weirdly and poorly it sounds like there are audio effects from Logan’s Run playing in the background. Doesn’t matter though, because the video pays off in the first 12 seconds. Just check out the look on that guy’s face. Guess what, sleepyhead. YOU GOT OWNED!
UPDATE - I screwed this link up. The compilation I originally had posted here has either been pulled from YouTube, or I’m just unable to find it, but here’s the clip of the sleepyhead getting scared. God, I can’t get enough of this. I think this guy pissed himself. Just look how freaked out he gets. It is so choice.
I am going to do this to Mark. Actually, K-Dizzle and I already did this to Mark. She did it at a restaurant and I did it in a package of tortillas in his fridge. Mark’s reactions to these little gags are fuel for my cruelty machine. Mark, my friend, YOU GOT OWNED!
This one is in no way Halloween related, its just a kid on an amusement park ride that seems to really beleive he is going to die. This kid is absolutely terrified, and what makes it even funnier is that Janice, the sadistic bitch sitting next to him, laughs that horrible witch laugh louder and louder the more he panics. People say this is cruel because he’s a fat kid. I disagree. This would be funny no matter who was screaming it. The only cruel thing about it is that this kid is stuck in an amusement park of terror with this Janice monster. This kid’s parents should be arrested.
Another one with shitty sound, but the dad’s reaction to the girl terrifying his ass is too fucking funny not to hear. Hey, Dad, guess what? Your daughter is six and she’s already smarter than you. YOU GOT OWNED!
October 30th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Seems like we just can’t get away from Aliens this Halloween…
This may very well be the best Halloween costume ever made. And yes, I mean homemade. This power loader costume is made mostly of styrofoam and cardboard packing inserts, and is light enough that the man inside it provides all the motive force to carry it. This is one of the best examples I have ever seen of someone taking what was otherwise going to be thrown away and going something incredibly creative with it. He even made a photo-chronicle of the design and construction of this thing so anyone who wants to can make one, too. Its simply astounding. Click the pic to check out how he did it and what it looked like when he walked around trick-or-treating with his kids on Halloween night. This guy is my new hero.
October 31st, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Sweet Jesus, let it go. Either that or make it so damn good no one will remember Spiderman 3.
Found on Scifi.com: