Halloween Fonts From Hell - Part I
Freaky fonts. Terrifying typefaces. Scary scripts. Bonechilling bolds. Icky italics. Evil extendeds. Netherworldly narrows. Insane Sans Serifs. Life-ending letters. Paralyzing punctuation. Need to do some spooky spelling this Halloween? Come on in and get your type on.
Today's bonus Halloween candy review - Juicy Fruit Monster Sticks!
Because I love you so much, I've decided to give you some Halloween fonts. If you are thinking to yourself that this is something just anyone could have done, you ungrateful bastard, consider the fact that I've spent days of my life combing through the approximately 90 gajillion shitty free fonts online that claim to be Halloween fonts. 33.33% of these are letters that appear to be dripping blood. I've gathered for you a few of the best of those. Another 33.33% are not fonts at all, they're wingdings, with pictures of bats and spiders and witch hats that you will never, ever use. I've gathered for you a few of the best of those as well. And yet another 33.33% of these are letters from other typefaces that someone has applied a ripple effect to so they're "ghostly." I didn't get you too many of those, because, mostly, they're crap.
Its the 0.01% left unaccounted for that are the real gems. Fonts that are actual letters. Letters that are actually creepy for some reason. Letters meant not only for typing, but for scaring the hell out of you. Fonts from scary movies, games, books, etc. In other words, Halloween fonts anybody would actually want.
The fonts in this collection are ones with names starting with A through F. I'll post more as Halloween approaches. By the way, all the fonts in this .zip file have worked perfectly fine for me, but I'm making no guarantees. Download and use them at your own peril.
And, because I'm an equal opportunity typographic terror, I've also got a few fonts for you Mac users. I've used the word 'monstrous' in the filename in hopes of providing a more enjoyable Halloween experience. I also do it to make up for the fact that I can't vouch for the quality or even the content of this .zip file.
I've never seen these fonts. I don't own a Mac. I don't use a Mac. Nothing in this .zip file is guaranteed not to destroy your computer, molest your children, steal your credit history, and move to Jamaica with your pretty wife where she happily takes it in the ass from the contents of this .zip file, which may or may not be more of a man than you. You want me to vouch for the fonts I provide? Then stop letting your computing choices be made by irritating commercials where people dance around like idiots because they're too fucking stupid to bother to learn how to use a PC, get off your iAss, and go out and buy a computer that's compatible with the century you're living in. Don't like Windows? Get the fuck over it. I don't do Mac. Use these at your own risk.
Still not enough for ya? Head on over to Fontenstein for enough free Halloween fonts to do whatever it is that's funny and clever and witty sounding and still somewhat appropriately Halloweeny to do that would take a whole lot of free Halloween fonts to accomplish. Can't brain properly. I'm not so much with the funny today.
Today's bonus Halloween candy review:
Okay I'm not going to bullshit you; there's virtually nothing to say about today's bonus candy. They're just double-wide sticks of Juicy Fruit that claim to be thicker than normal sticks. I don't think its true.
It doesn't matter, though. They're awesome for no other reason than that they're abnormally sized mutant gum sticks covered with beautiful Halloween graphics. And you were gonna chew two sticks at once anyway. Don't lie. Everyone does it, its fucking delicious. Plus, these are just big enough to make you look like you're not a cheap ass if you happen to give a kid only one. The verdict: go out and get some. They're a great addition to any candy bag or plastic pumpkin pail.
October 3rd, 2007 at 12:47 pm
Pulled the from IGN.com I wonder if they’re going to try and pick up were the first AvP left off.
Supposedly their is another trailer but I can’t get it to download or work on the web.
http://media.movies.ign.com/media/746/746237/vids_1.html
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:15 pm
This movie has PredAliens? YES!! In the Alien vs Predator PC game - which is NOT related and vastly superior to the AvP movie - PredAliens are tough bastards.
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:34 pm
October 3rd, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Takei’a also the announcer for the Howard Stern show. He even does prank phone calls for them. Click his pic below to hear two of them.
October 3rd, 2007 at 6:18 pm
I think I’m getting a cold. That is the flimsy but true excuse I’m using to explain to you why there will be no new Halloween article tonight.
When I woke up this morning I was full of phlegm. I coughed, just a small cough mind you, and I spat out the most colorful blob of goop you’ve ever seen. I’ve thought of the perfect name for the color of that yellow and brown blob: Phlègm Brûlée. And in case you still can’t picture for yourself exactly what it looked like floating lazily in my toilet this morning, I’ll provide you with a helpful visual aide:
I thought it was nothing, but the crème de la phlegm has continued to make itself present all day, and now I’m starting to get a sore throat. So I don’t feel like staying here and working on an article until 11 PM again. I’m taking the night off. But just so you don’t feel cheated, here’s a bunch of pics related to AvP: Requiem. Click ‘em for the full size versions. Enjoy.
Most of these images are courtesy of the mighty excellent Predalien.com. Go there and tell ‘em we said hi.
October 4th, 2007 at 7:58 am
Here is an interesting article about some really cool tech coming out in the not too distant future.
http://tech.msn.com/products/articlepcw.aspx?cp-documentid=5520110&page=1
October 4th, 2007 at 8:00 am
By the way, the time stamp appears to be about 25 minutes behind
October 4th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Apparently someone didn’t like the way I used the AvP:R “Christmas” poster in my comment. I’ve put it on our server so you should be able to see it above now.
October 4th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
You’re right, it is behind by 25 minutes. What the hell? That’s weird. Q, any ideas?
October 4th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
October 4th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
I find it amusing that they would be impressed with somebody who displayed knowledge of the TransFormers backstory. They used virtually none of it in Bay’s movie.
October 4th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
DanM, I checked out that article about the future of PCs. There’s some interesting stuff in there, but I think they’re claiming a bit too much for what they’re actually going to deliver. Maybe I’m just being cynical, but this sounds to me like a lot of Microsoft PR department hype designed to sell new hardware.
First they’d have you believe that “wireless charging” is some kind of heavenly magical voodoo charm that will forever eliminate the need for power cords. BULLSHIT. A long time ago Tesla, in his mad dash to do just the opposite, essentially proved that broadcast electrical energy is impractical. Its not like these things will be able to charge from just anywhere. Existing laptops will need an add-on adapter to make use of charging pads, so they will become bulkier and less convenient than they are now. New laptops will still need to be charged, and although there may not be any cables plugging into the laptops directly, those pads they charge from certainly won’t be cordless. It’ll be just one more thing you’ll have to plug into the wall and find room for in your house. And suppose they were to eliminate the power cable adapter from laptops altogether. Are people supposed to carry around a laptop AND an recharging pad? Current laptop charges go from the wall outlet to a battery to the PC. All this does is add an extra piece of gimmicky, unnecessary equipment between the outlet and the battery. That’s a step backwards. I’ll gladly keep my easily rolled and very portable power cable.
Behold, the breakthrough new photo paper for those photos nobody prints anymore.
As far as the Zink zero-ink printer, its a little late. Yeah, the idea is cool, but the time has past. The great thing about digital pictures is that you don’t have to print them. People don’t give their friends and family prints anymore, they send them images on email or over the phone. As far as 2×3 inch photo paper with “a crystal substrate sandwiched between its layers”… that just sounds pointless and expensive. Why would anyone buy a photo printer that can’t print standard 3×5 inch pictures and can’t use normal, cheap, readily available paper? My digital camera is far smaller than a 3×5 print, but in order to print 3-inch pictures, a camera will have to be at least a little larger than that in one dimension. So digital cameras get bigger and less convenient, all in the name of having a printer that fits in your pocket. Well, whoop-de-doo. Its a useless little printer that uses special, expensive photo paper that can only print tiny pictures. No thank you.
Rollable display screens. This sounded really cool at first, but then it occurred to me how absolutley useless they would be. Regular laptop displays get hard to read if your angle is even a little off. How much more difficult will it be when there’s a residual curve in the screen from being rolled up all the time? And have you ever creased a sheet of plastic? It doesn’t come out, ever. The first time you drop something significantly heavy on a rolled screen and crease it your display is ruined. According to the article, “tiny screens just don’t cut it when you want to do real work.” But then they go on to tell us that next year Telecom Italia will release a cell phone with a whopping 5-inch, 320×240 pixel monochrome rollable display. A really small, floppy screen. With shitty resolution. And it’s black and white. What’s Italian for “don’t buy this phone”?
Not to mention that these really big flex screens they’re planning are meant to be rolled out on a flat surface. That’s gonna get real hard to look at after a while. There’s a reason monitors and televisions and traffic signs and paintings on walls are displayed parallel to your upright body. There’s a reason ATM and arcade game screens are angled up to match the downward tilt of your head as you use them. It’s because they’re best when you’re looking straight at them. A screen rolled flat on a table or desk will only look good if you’re staring straight down at it, with your face pointing down at an uncomfortable 90º angle from the way you usually hold it. And they’re not going to be much use if you try to hold them upright, because they’re flexible and will just fall down. What you would need is a rigid laptop screen, perhaps attached to the laptop itself with a hinge, which could easily be easily stowed when not in use, and perhaps even be integrated into a hard, impact-resistant plastic shell which would protect both the screen and the keyboard from damage. You know, kind of like the ones we already have right now.
This article goes on and on with one piece of bullshit information after the other. It says that outdated technology “prevents cell phones from transmitting voice calls and data simultaneously.” You’ve got to be kidding me. BULLSHIT. My phone does it all the time. I get text and pics while I’m in the middle of conversations. When the Daylight Savings times laws were altered, did you have to manually update your phone’s software to keep it up to date? Me either. But the clock and calendar on your phone runs accurately, even while you’re on a call. That’s because cellphones pull their time/date info from the phone company’s network WHILE YOU’RE TALKING.
It goes on, but really, I’m done with it. This article is ridiculous. It tries to make things sound amazing and advanced by downplaying the technology we already have and glossing over the grossly obvious flaws of the technology its promoting. MSN sucks for pretending this is journalism. This isn’t a technology update, nor is it news. This a fucking ad.
October 4th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
Running way behind tonight, folks. New movie review from Mark tomorrow, I promise.
October 5th, 2007 at 7:56 am
I think some cynicism splashed out of the screen and got me in the eye
October 5th, 2007 at 8:14 am
Just curious though, why are you bashing Microsoft? They don’t make hard drives, processors, or any of the stuff listed in this article.
They’ll just make the software that manipulates it.
October 5th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Sorry about your eyes, man. I’m gonna have Quentin install a digital bitterness/sarcasm splash guard to protect people from that very thing. We just can’t run a good website if my angry tirades continue to blind our readers.
I’m bashing Microsoft because this “news” piece was posted on MSN, which is owned and operated by Microsoft. Also, I’d bet good money that this is one of those cases where the products featured “just happen” to have preloaded drivers in place for on future versions of Windows. Hardware companies pay Microsoft to package the drivers as part of the standard Windows installation. So you’re getting tons of unnecessary drivers and other software on your PC just so MS can collect some cash from these companies.
Also, Microsoft is VERY into making questionable deals and product announcements. They’ve bankrupted numerous companies by advertising shit like this, investing heavily in the companies and the development of the products, then pulling out just prior to completion and forcing the company out of business. Then a short while later they will conveniently happen to come out with products that are very similar in intent, but vastly inferior in design, to the original product concept. They’re manipulative, underhanded, and lie to consumers on a regular basis.
Although I don’t like the very concept of Macs, being PCs run by software the average person can’t fix on their own, I have to say that Apple seems to be a MUCH more honest company than Microsoft (even though Steve Jobs is a straight-up loon). I’d rather have DOS based systems, but I consider Microsoft a completely unnecessary evil. Click the pic below to read in more detail how they operate to screw other companies over and deliver high priced, inferior garbage to consumers.
October 6th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Hey kids, I accidentally deleted Q’s “Predalien” rant. Its too bad, too, because it was awesomely bitter and referenced ligers. Also, it sounded really angry and promised to go somewhere even angrier, and, in my overexuberant spam deletion craze, I erased it. I apologize sincerely, and he’s promised to repost it tomorrow.
October 7th, 2007 at 6:55 am
See, I read the websites I care about using RSS feeds - which means that I don’t actually go to the site to read them, I download the new updates and posts to my own machine to read at my leisure. The only real downside is that if you guys post something, then come back and edit it later I’m not sure I’ll see the updates - this does make it harder to post something venomous and then come back and change it, but I’m fine with that - what it really means is that I have a local copy of what I posted yesterday.
BTW, Chris, delete one of my posts again and you’ll log on to see that you’re the administrator of The Sci-Little-Pony-Guys website.
October 7th, 2007 at 6:55 am
So, I read something on here that pissed me off, and I had to make a comment - just to make sure that my comment was some sort of redundancy, I began reading through the full comment thread. I’ve diligently skipped over all the computer stuff (I’ll come back to that in a while) so that I can make my point.
“Predalien” is fucking stupid.
“Alien” means foreign, so the term itself is a matter of perspective. It’s not aliens and predators, it’s xenomorphs and predators (until we find out whatever the future scientific community decided to call it, we’ll have to settle on the term “predator”). Predalien might as well be call AlienAlien.
Predomorph? Xenator? Xenomorphator? Whatever. They’re all stupid, but they’re better than Predalien.
“We’ve succeeded in combining tigers with lions. What shall we call this new beast? How about Tinimal, cause it’s half tiger, half animal.”
Fucking stupid.
Okay, I’ll get around to the computer stuff - and yes, for some reason I’ve not been able to figure out (or really devote much more than a passing glance’s worth of attention) the web server is about 40 minutes off.
October 8th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
You’re joking, right? You do know that ‘Predalien’ is just a fan name, correct? Its not like that’s an actual species name, at least not that I’ve ever heard of. Its a mash of the names of the movie franchises, meant to be instantly identifiable, but not scientific term. Nothing more. If they ever actually call this thing a ‘predalien’ in spoken dialogue, I will be very, very disappointed.
In case you are not familiar with Alien/Predator lore, here’s some info you definitely need. I’m a HUGE fan of Alien/Predator in their numerous incarnations, so I will be glad to impart what wisdom I have, which is not complete by any standard, so please don’t take my word as final. Nonetheless, here we go:
You are correct, the species seen in the Alien films is indeed called a xenomorph. ‘Xeno’ meaning ‘alien,’ ‘outsider,’ ‘foreigner,’ and ‘morph’ derived from the name of Morpheus, the mythical shapechanger. So essentially, an alien shapechanger, which refers to the fact that it exists in various stages of its life in radically different forms (egg, facehugger, chestburster, ‘Alien’, and sometimes a queen or prætorian (the queen’s guard caste, not unlike drone bees). The ‘morph’ part of their name is also significant in that it refers to their ability to take on aspects of their hosts during incubation, allowing them to be that much more adapted to the host’s natural environment after gestation, which makes them even more formidable. A xenomorph which gestates inside a human will likely be smarter and walk more upright than, for example, a xenomorph which gestates inside a dog, which would have the same general physiognomy shared by all xenomorphs, but might differ slightly in appearance and run on all fours or make greater and better use of its tail.
The Predator species are usually just called ‘aliens’ or ‘hunters’ by humans. And often ‘ugly motherfuckers,’ as it turns out. They are known as a Yautja in their own tongue. There is one book, Predator: Forever Midnight which refers to the creatures by the name ‘Hish-qu-Ten’, but this name, and in fact the entire book, is widely ignored because of the many errors contained within (the biggest being the fact that, in this book, the Predators do not have a code of honor by which they regulate their hunts, which was a lynchpin of all three Predator movies released so far, and seems to me to be pretty inseparable from the whole concept of the Yautja).
By your reasoning, the name of the Predalien should be “Xenautja” or “Yautjamorph,” or “Xen-qu-Ten” or “Hish-qu-morph” if you want to consider Predator: Forever Midnight as a valid source of info. But honestly, no one calls them that. According to what I’ve read, the Predalien (a xenomorph which has gested inside, and thereby acquired some characteristics, of a Yautja) first appeared in the 1995 Dark Horse comic Alien versus Predator: War. I own that series, but I have never read it (shame on me).
The first time I know of for sure that the Predalien made an appearance is in the ASTOUNDING Alien versus Predator PC game from 1999. In the Predator missions, the Yautja learn that one of their own has been captured by humans and used to breed a Predalien. This is an extreme violation of the Yautja hunting code which dictates that if a hunter does not kill his prey, his life if forfeit. Capture is not an option. If you remember, Dutch wasn’t going to kill the Yautja at the end of Predator; he chose to show human mercy and spare his enemy once he saw the alien was no longer a threat. But that’s not the way Yautja do things. The Predator nuked the entire area to kill himself rather than be captured.
By capturing a Yautja without killing him, keeping him alive to be experimented on, then purposefully creating a corruption of the Yautja in the form of a Predalien, the humans have earned the wrath of the Predators. In the game, your mission is to destroy both the human station and the Predalien. Although I believe the creature was referred to as a Predalien in the game manual and in on-screen instructions, I’m fairly certain it was only ever called a ‘hybrid’ in-game. I could be wrong, but I don’t think the term ‘Predalien’ has ever been the official name in the context of the story. I think its just a very convenient and descriptive term used among fans of the crossovers.
AvP Trivia: At the end of Predator 2, released in 1990, a xenomorph skull can be seen in the ship’s trophy room. Although most people point to this as the first connection between the two franchises, the first time we got to see Yautja and xenomorphs together was actually in a number of Aliens versus Predator stories by Dark Horse Comics, first released in November 1989. Both the filmmakers and the team that produced the comics have made it clear that each was completely unaware of the other’s activities in combining the two franchises.