Finally, a place for all my ninja homework…
Nothing screams "Hey, look, I've got a ninja folder!" louder than a guy who's screaming "Hey, look, I've got a ninja folder!" into a microphone plugged into a professional concert amplifier and output through a Cold War era air-raid siren speaker array. But if something were to be able to scream that as loudly, it would be actually owning a ninja folder for real. Well, color me a screamer, baby, 'cause I gots me a ninja folder! HELL YEAH!!
Not only is this a totally sweet folder, but its a great gift for the indecisive ninja. Like all ninja, the one on the cover of the ninja folder is a lot more than meets the eye. He's a spinner, allowing you to flick his feet and spin him until his powerful ninja magic has shown him the best course of action for your particular circumstance. Lets face it, as a ninja you have a lot of options at your disposal in any given situation. But sometimes you just don't feel like making up your mind. Well now you don't have to. The ninja folder knows the path you should walk, and unlike parents or television or religion, the ninja spinner cares enough to to tell you in a very specific manner exactly what you should do. And it is never, ever wrong.
"Silence Opponent" is my favorite option, by the way. So sinister, yet so wise. The other ninja out there will back me up on this. Its almost always the way to go.
The inside flaps, which help you hold your otherwise willy-nilly ninja papers neatly in place, also offer much helpful ninja advice. The left flap, pictured above, offers advice to any hapless non-ninja who may come across the folder, while the right flap, below, offers a multitude of information for ninjlings*, much of which is considered required knowledge by the ancient council of ninja masters. Click the pic for a larger, more readable view.
* - A ninjling is a pre-ninja. Use of the word ninjling is understood to imply a ninja who is very young and not yet fully capable of the full range of adult ninja lethality. Most ninjlings are three to six years old as measured in the Earth realm, and only the rarest of ninjlings are able to battle and defeat more than 25 well trained, heavily armed human warriors at once without injury. Most ninjlings are born to ninja parents, others are created via training or black demon magic, while some ninjlings are actually hatched from rare and treasured ninja eggs. Not a lot of people know that.
June 26th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
I WANT TO BE A NINJA!!!
I WANT A NINJA FOLDER!!!
HI-YA!!!!
June 26th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Ok, you can be a ninja. But you gotta take a test first. First of all, a question: Is this one of the Mandies I know, or a whole new Mandy? I have a whole collection of them.
June 26th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Sci-Fi Guys music correspondent Mouser
Last night caught the Poison/Ratt tour at Riverbend. Ended up getting scalped tix 6 rows back at face value basically, so we were happy about that. Vains Of Jenna opened up and put on a pretty good show. Young kids from Sweden that look like most of the hair bands did back in the day, so good to see them carrying the torch. Did a good cover of Petty's "Refugee," which was cool to hear. The only problem with them was the sound guy was off. The backing vocals were way too low, and for a good part of the show the guitars as well. Still a decent opening act though.
Poison was, well, Poison. I still go each year and have nothing but a good time, but can't understand why they never change the set list. From seeing the reaction Ratt got on some off the lesser known tunes, you would think Poison might try and dive into the catalogue a little one of these years. Played a couple of songs from the covers album, but that was the only change to the set list in the last couple of years. "Suffragette City" and "What I Like About You" sounded alright, but would have rather have heard some of their stuff they haven't done in years instead. Although I will say that the cover of "Can't You See" did sound damn good. CC sounded pretty good, and of course you always do get plenty of pyro and stage show with Poison. Always enjoy hearing "Fallen Angel" and "Nothing But A Good Time," not to mention "Unskinny Bop" just because I enjoy watching Dave cringe when they play it.
Check out Ratt Pöisön, the ultimate 80s glam metal tribute band.
Until next time…
June 27th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
This is brilliant…
June 29th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Hey, kids. Between work and packing and closing on my new house this morning, I haven’t had time to polish and post the new article yet. Its a TransFormers article, and hopefully I’ll get to post it Monday. In the mean time, thought I’d share with you my latest project. I made it for my birthday, as an early gift to me, from me, for being such a good boy this year. So stop looking at Britney and have a gander at what I whipped up:
CHRIS’S GUIDE TO BUILDING A TWINKIE CAKE
Step 1: The Foundation - The proper first step in constructing a Twinkie cake is the foundation. The foundation consists of three Twinkies placed side by side on a plate. The Twinkies should be touching, but not smashed together. The inherent sugar and moisture of the Twinkies will make them stick to the plate and provide a solid, non-slip foundation upon which to build the Twinkie cake structure.
Step 2: Choose Your Weapon - To ensure a proper hold to the second layer of Twinkies, a coating of mortar must be applied to the foundation. Since I am a manly man, I use a miniature meat cleaver as a mortar trowel. You can use anything you like, so long as it has a lot of surface area. I almost used my brand new Tiki spreaders, but they're Polynesian themed, so I'm reserving them for my special tropical recipe Tiki-Winiki Luau Surprise: a banana-flavored Twinkie cake with strawberry frosting and coconut. That was the gayest thing I've ever written.
Step 3: Mortar - Chocolate frosting is the mortar of choice. Feel free to choose whatever flavor of chocolate best suits you. I prefer the darker, fudge based frostings, but Twinkie cake is most properly made when it is made to the assembler's taste. In order to assure a proper hold, the mortar must be creamy style frosting; whipped frosting contains more air and is therefore inferior to creamy style for bonding purposes. Apply the mortar sparingly, as it is only there to bond the layers together, and too much will not only mask the flavor of the Twinkies, but may lead to slippage and deformation of the finished structure. Always remember that the same is true of mortar as it is of glue: too little is almost always more effective than too much.
Step 4: The Second Layer - Apply two Twinkies to the top of the mortared foundation, placing them perpendicular to the grain of the foundation Twinkies. Press gently to ensure they are properly set in the mortar. Again, the second level Twinkies should be touching, but not smashed together. Once properly set, the superstructure of the Twinkie cake is complete. All of the work after this point is non-structural exterior finishing.
Step 5: Sealant Coat - Definitely the messiest and most labor intensive part of constructing a Twinkie cake, applying the sealant coat requires both a steady hand and the strength of will to work with the delicious smelling mortar without eating it before the project is complete. To apply the sealant, collect a dollop of mortar on your trowel approximately the size of a golf ball. Apply this to the center of one of the second tier Twinkies and spread outward to cover the structure. The sealant coat doesn't need to be particularly thick, but should completely cover the Twinkies, leaving no cake material exposed to the elements.
Step 6: Enjoy - Twinkie cake, while delicious, is far sweeter than it would appear. I am a very large man, and I can pack away my fair share of food when I'm hungry, but this was as much of the Twinkie cake as I could manage to eat before every part of my body began to violently protest against the unnatural amount of glucose being dumped into my system. Twinkie cake is best enjoyed as soon as you make it; after being placed in the refrigerator overnight, the exposed parts of the Twinkie cake and filling acquired a hardness not dissimilar to that of industrial grade diamond. Too rich to be complimented by milk, I found I enjoyed my Twinkie cake best with a tall, cool glass of water and a large-bore syringe holding a cocktail of fast-acting insulin and synthetic horse adrenaline. Were it not for the side dishes, I may very well be dead.
July 2nd, 2007 at 12:44 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FROG BOY!
July 2nd, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Hey, don’t know if everyone has heard, but there is currently a contest at the USA today website going on to see which town of Springfield should host The Simpsons movie premire. There are14 Springfields in the running and each has submitted a video. Kentucky’s is actually pretty good. You can go to http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/simpsons-contest.htm to watch the videos and vote. Voting closes July 9th.