Chris loves Spider-Man KLIK candy “dispensers”
Candy dispensers my ass. These things dispense candy in exactly the same way that an AK-47 gently tosses bullets to its targets. These are like Pez dispensers for Smarties, only replace the words 'Pez dispensers' with 'rocket-powered skeet launchers.' They're fantastic. Click the pic to come in and check 'em out in action.
I got a late start with this one, peeps, so its gonna be short and sweet. Sweet like candy… candy launched at 80 miles per hour out of Spider-Man's neck. I happened on these just last week, and I'm telling you, you've got to go get some. These things are so cool.
These are not what I found first. The only thing I saw at first was an Elektra. Normally I wouldn't give half a shit about any kind of Elektra mechandise, especially when it looks as ridiculous as it does. But then I saw the Spideys, and they looked so good all minty fresh on the card that I decided to grab the Elektra as my guinea pig. Apparently these things come with Au'some candies in some parts, which are just Smarties rip-offs. Mine came with gen-you-wine Smarties, which makes them seem cooler somehow. They also come with Au'some gum, which is little Smarties shaped gum that starts off tasting not so special, and then keeps it up until you get fed up with it and spit it out. But you're not here to read about the candy. You're here to read about the toy.
The KLIK people probably could have gotten away with using the same mold for the Spider-Man 3 dispensers as they do for their Marvel line. They didn't though, and that impresses me because it shows they give a damn about their products. Not only that, but the new mold looks really good. As a matter of fact, they look so nice that they're all three going to remain unopened so's I can tack them up on my cubicle wall at work, to further remind the people who are forced to interact with me every day that that I am regressing, and will soon be completely and irreversibly infantile, shitting in my pants at my desk while I clumsily eat strained peas out of a Gerber jar. Those will be the days…
Thar she blows, out of the package and ready to be loaded. The packaging actually made it look better. This is just plain stupid looking. Fuck it; in for a penny, in for a pound. I've come this far, and I'm going to test it no matter how much its crappy appearance is making me wish I'd just grabbed an extra Spidey. Damn this thing is ugly. Almost as ugly as my cuticles in the next pic, which were apparently gnawed upon by rabid wolves mere seconds before this photo was taken.
This is the ejection lever, which launches these fuckers like it ain't no thang. You might not think that such a small lever would be as powerful as it is. Then again, you haven't yet seen these:
Booyah! After a morning's worth of using up 8 batteries in my camera and covering the living room with candy, I managed to capture the money shots. These two pics show the Smarties in flight, and you can see how much of the candy is turned to powder by the impact of the lever. These things fly a minimum of eight feet; I never got a good idea of how far they'll go because its really hard to aim and take pictures at the same time. I just kept shooting the walls and couches. Smarties tend to go a lot farther than the gum, and a lot of times the candy is severely broken after launching, so they come out with some impressive force and speed. Like I said, ignore the dispenser shit. These things are launchers. And they rule.
Spider-Man KLIK launchers. Get some. They're totally fun. And don't forget: TOMORROW'S THE BIG DAY!
May 4th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Here’s the first official pic of the suit for the new Iron Man movie.
May 4th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
UPDATE: I’m not sure how this came about, but I reported in my article that the glucose-based projectiles above that came packaged with the KLIK launchers were Smarties and Au’some bubble gum. Well, that’s changed. That may still hold true for the older launchers, but the newer ones come with Smarties and Smarties bubble gum.
I’d never heard of Smarties bubble gum. I had to try it. So I went to the store, grabbed another Spidey dispenser and ate some. The Smarties gum is interesting in a sort of not very interesting at all kind of way. They do indeed start out like Smarties, which means you bite into them and they crumble into dust. Then, just as you have chewed them enough to swallow them, they turn to gum, forcing you to change the digestion direction your mouth and brain had already agreed upon. Its not exactly the most comfortable transition, but the gum tastes good. Maybe it was just a fresher pack than the Elektra, but the Smarties flavor was a little stronger and better than the Au’some gum. Of course, you have to eat the whole roll at once to equal one piece of Hubba Bubba, which I did, but all in all its not too bad. I wouldn’t buy it again, but I wouldn’t put up too much of a fuss if I found some in my Halloween candy bag either.
July 31st, 2007 at 3:13 pm
those are rockets, not smarites
July 31st, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Yeah, I know what you mean. The other day I saw the Spidey launcher sitting on top of the fridge and I got curious. I couldn’t remember whether or not I’d actually shot one of these into my mouth, so I tried it. It doesn’t hurt or anything, but the feeling when one accidentally hits your front teeth is strangely uncomfortable. Its just a hair’s breadth from pain, and its a long lasting feeling. The impact side of the Smarties shatter when they hit your teeth, though, which is pretty cool. My teeth are a hardened target.
July 31st, 2007 at 6:26 pm
nvm, got confused by how they look exactly like rockets. The link one is the best, but urs shoots way harder than mine
July 31st, 2007 at 6:29 pm
oh, apparantly canadian rockets are called smarties in the u.s, so thats why. our smarties are chocolates covered in a candy shell, or do those also sell in the usa?
August 1st, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Borris, I’ve done some research into this. Here’s the deal:
Nestlé manufactures the chocolate candy you know as Smarties. They are very similar to M&M’s candies here in the States, only Nestlé’s Smarties have a thicker candy shell and are slightly larger. M&M’s is not an abbreviation, by the way; that’s the proper name of the candy.
The candy we Yanks call Smarties are the same thing that you call Rockets. The manufacturer calls them Rockets outside of the US in order to to differentiate them from Nestlé’s chocolate candies of the same name. That may also be the reason we don’t have your version of Smarties in the US.