Well, folks, tomorrow's Epiphany, which is the official end of Christmastime. As such, this will be the last Christmas article we'll have this year. But before I get down to the big 2006 holiday wrap-up, I just want to thank everyone for making this a good Christmas. Whether you got me something or not, whether we've met or not, whether or not you've even let me know you're out there, you are all dear and important to me, and I appreciate you coming here and reading my dorky little comments and reviews. As small a thing as it may seem, it really means a lot to me. Thanks for sticking with me. I love you guys.

Okay, okay, that's the last of the schmaltz, I promise. Lets get down to the swag.

This is Bootleg Superion. He wasn't a present from someone else; he was the first of the holiday season's self-giftings. That's what today's article is all about: stuff I got for me.

Every year I go out and shop for all the people I'm buying for and I SWEAR OUT LOUD TO ALL THE POWERS OF THE MULTIVERSE that I will, under absolutely no circumstance whatsoever, buy anything for myself, and I really, really mean it this year. And every year the powers of the multiverse add a bunch of little check marks by my name on the list of sins against them, to be used as evidence against me when the stars are right and Great Cthulhu awakens. This year was no different, except that I did manage to make myself stick to the cheap stuff. Bootleg Superion is, as his name indicates, a bootleg version of the original Transformers Aerialbots, which is a hard word to spell. He only cost $5, and he proves it by collapsing into dozens of poorly molded pieces of low-grade Chinese plastic if you breathe too strongly in his presence. It took me an hour to get him to stand like this on his own, and I have made it known throughout the office that anyone who disturbs him is in for a severe thrashing. I'm not very popular here at work.

This is MicroMaster Superion, and he is not a bootleg. He is a rerelease of some 90's MicroMaster Transformers which, until now, were never available outside of Japan. The robots have been recolored to pay homage to the original 80's Aerialbots. At a total of $24, MicroMaster Superion is the most extravagant of my self-gifts this year. Since I was for some reason completely unable to take a good picture of him, here's a pic of the box art which shows Supes himself standing amid all the little Aerialbots that combine to form him.

This is Blue Öyster Cult's 1981 album Fire Of Unknown Origin. That I put forth the extra effort to include that umlaut proves how much I care about you, the home viewer. This may not seem very sci-fi on the surface, but gamers like myself who are WAY too into Deadlands: Hell On Earth and Deadlands: Lost Colony will know that the song "Veteran Of The Psychic Wars" provided a LOT of inspiration for the Sykers and the Banshee wars. I've been wanting this song for a long time, and as I have been unable to find it for illegal download, I was forced to take drastic measures and actually purchase the CD, from a store, with real money and everything. What have I come to?

Anyway, as far as the album is concerned, its just sort of there. It doesn't really stand out at in any way. "Burnin' For You" and "Joan Crawford" are decent tracks, but the album overall is a letdown. "Veteran" is worth hearing if only for the Deadlands connection, and while it doesn't ever cross the line to being a classic, it does have the distinction of being immortalized in yet another sci-fi franchise; it was on the Heavy Metal soundtrack. Only $10. More cowbell!

Gold foil, glow-in-the-dark sci-fi stickers need no justification. 50¢ each.

Just when I was sure there would be no more Halloween in my life until later this year, life goes and gives me a little present to let it know that it hasn't forgotten about me. There was a whole pile of these, but I figured that even for $1 apiece, I still really didn't need any more than one. I like this candle; even though it smells exactly like black licorice, which I detest, it somehow manages to be pleasant. I also feel pretty great about the fact that I now know how to say "black cat licorice" in French should the need ever arise.

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Funky holiday colored ASCII symbols on your website: priceless.

These are Mag•Warriors, and they hold the distinction of being the only action figures I own powerful enough to demagnetize the debit card I bought them with. The idea behind Mag•Warriors is that each figure's arms, legs, and head is held on by a magnet, allowing for much more poseability than a normal hinge or ball joint, and also allowing kids to more easily tear these little guys apart and mix-and-match their pieces to create weird new Frankenstein ninjas. Their feet and hands are also interchangeable… in theory. In reality the ball joints at the wrists and ankles are just too tight to make swapping them out something you'd be willing to do during playtime. These things come disassembled, and it took all the strength I had in my fingers to put their hands and feet in the sockets. Afterward my hands hurt for a solid hour. I can't imagine a kid being able to do this. And as far as swapping them out again… forget it. On the off chance I could manage to remove one of these extremities, my fingers would be hurting too much to push it back into a different joint. These damned ninjas have got my arthritis acting up again. Quick, one of you grandkids go get me my pills.

I thought I was buying three different figures, but when I got home I realized I had grabbed one samurai Balesword and two ninja Hirotengu. That's cool, though, because there's no such thing as too many ninjas. Ninjas, REAL NINJAS, are totally awesome and have REAL Ultimate Power and they flip out ALL THE TIME AND GO CRAZY as hell and they don't even care. These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

I only took pictures of Hirotengu, which was stupid because Balesword is a cooler looking figure. Hirotengu is better than Balesword overall, though, because he's a ninja and because he has more accessories. Together my new Mag•Warriors totaled about $13 after tax, which I'm guessing was a huge markdown from their original prices. Even at cheapo retailers like Big Lots, comparable magnetic action figures usually start at about $7 each, so god knows how high these were marked before they went on clearance. As cool as they are, their playability and features make them worth no more than five bucks tops, so I'm not surprised they weren't selling. Note to toy manufacturers: kids aren't collectors. Stop marketing every toy line like its the Cabbage Patch Kids. Unless you've got the next Tickle Me Elmo on your hands, your overpriced plastic ain't gonna move. Cut the foil-boxed, overpackaged, numbered edition price gouging crap, and make with the affordable toys. Nobody's going to buy a no name action figure for nine dollars when they can get a G.I. Joe for three. Yo, Joe!

Last but not least is my new collection of bootleg "Transformatrix" Optimus Primes. Moose got me one of these at a Dollar Tree and I went out and snagged the rest. She got it as a joke and seemed a little more than amazed at how appreciative I was. It doesn't take much, folks. There's not much to tell you about these guys; they are about six inches tall, come in cab-over or conventional, are available in garish metallic red or gold, they each have a single red LED in their cab/chest, and they come with a gun and an axe. What's very surprising is the sturdy construction, the relatively defect-free molding, and the use of different shades of grey plastic and silver paint to add detail to the arms and legs. The gold ones have a good looking shot of baby blue on the faceplate and head crest, so its possible they're supposed to be Ultra Magnus, but I really don't know. In any case, these things are much cooler than the $1 price tag would have you believe. They may be the wrong colors, but they still look better than the 2007 movie version of Optimus. If you see one of these guys, grab it – its totally worth the buck. Total expenditure: $3.

That's all she wrote, folks. Hope you had merry whatever the hell you celebrate, and a Happy New Year to boot. Love and joy come to you, and to you your wassail, too.

Take it easy,
Chris

The Sci-Fi Guys (First Ever) 2006 Holiday Extravaganza!

Our Thanksgiving article: Turkitron delivers a Thanksgiving warning 

Our Christmas article: Chris reviews Pikachu's Winter Vacation 2

Our post-Christmas report: Chris's Very Sci-Fi Christmas

Our New Year's article: Chris reviews "The Big Broadcast Of 2006"

Our big holiday wrap-up: Chris says goodbye to Christmas!