Mark reviews “Who Wants To Be A Superhero?”
Who wants to watch “Who Wants To Be A Superhero?” Not me, not after seeing a couple episodes with the craptastic morons that were scraped up from the dregs of society’s mental hospitals for this show.
Harsh? Maybe, but with heroes like “Monkey Girl,” who uses banana shaped weapons and cries WAY too much, and “The Iron Enforcer,” who is hopped up on steroids and an idiot to boot, you can see why I’m so mean. The only interesting thing about this show is that I love when people make up super heroes. I like the imaginative use of powers. Perhaps my favorite on the show is “Fat Momma” who can supposedly use her donut powered abilities to grow 5x her normal size. And folks, this is one big black woman BEFORE her powers kick in!
During the first episode Stan Lee throws a party that is secretly recorded. The characters are judged based on their comments and attitudes on why they want to be a superhero. One of them, “Levity” is then thrown off because he reveals he wants to make money through action figures. Later in the episode the remaining heroes have to don their costumes and race the finish line. The kicker is a young girl they run past who is yelling for her mommy. If they act like real superheroes they will stop and help, if they don’t they will race to the end. Several failed and a young man named Nitro G was kicked off the show.
This show appears to be a bunch of moralizing crappitudes designed to play into the whole reality show hype. It’s got it’s funny parts, but not many. It’s too preachy and the “heroes” act like Stan Lee (who I like… really I do) is some sort of GOD that they have to cry and whine to.
That’s my two cents…what do YOU think? Check out the website at http://www.scifi.com/superhero/.
August 7th, 2006 at 2:37 pm
Chris…This looks great. You do good work. Or is that grood work?
Mark
August 7th, 2006 at 2:52 pm
True story: I dropped by Mark’s house Thursday night to find he and PopRox, the newest member of The Sci-Fi Guys family, watching “So You Think You Can Dance?” I’ve long ago given up on Mark having any taste whatsoever in video entertainment, so I just rolled my eyes at his long standing reality show addiction and mentally focused my disappointment where it truly belonged, on PopRox. I made a firm appointment with myself to sit down later and reevaluate my respect level for PopRox, who was in the room watching despite the fact that he was not being held at gunpoint.
I settled in, resigned myself to the evening’s programming, and then I got hooked. “So You Think You Can Dance?” turned out not to be a reality show, but an honest to god TALENT show. I hadn’t seen one of those in a damn long time. You see, you actually have to be really, really talented BEFORE they let you on this show. And even though I have in my little finger more testosterone than all the male dancers, judges, and audience members on that show, I’d be lying if I said that “So You Think You Can Dance?” wasn’t actually pretty interesting.
I’m not reviewing “So You Think You Can Dance?,” but you need to know the above to understand my only experience with “Who Wants To Be A Superhero?” You see, when you watch TV with Mark, you have to resign yourself to the fact that you’re only actually watching whatever program it is you’re hoping to see for about 45-50 seconds per half hour. The rest of the time Mark has either changed the channel because he is trying to watch two or more shows simultaneously, or he is availing himself of the digital cable’s INFO button, and is reading the program descriptions for EVERY FUCKING SHOW ON CABLE, EVER, while you’re trying to watch TV. This means that 80% of the screen is taken up by the text field, and another 15% is taken up by the other text field at the bottom of the screen, so what you’re really watching is a 15-pixel wide frame of colored lights around the top and sides of the television, which you must use in tandem with the audio (which will be either so loud it physically hurts your ears, or so low that most dogs can’t hear it) to divine to the best of your ability what you think the television studios might have wanted you to see. Its less like an evening of television entertainment, and more like a mystery in which you must try to figure out the point of a show that you normally wouldn’t bother watching in the first place.
So while we were watching “So You Think You Can Dance?,” I knew it was only a matter of time before Mark grabbed the remote and started giving PopRox and I reasons to murder him. I had already read his post, so you can imagine my confusion as he flipped it to “Who Wants To Be A Superhero?” From reading his post you might think, like I did, that Mark hates this show. But he doesn’t, I don’t care what he says. He LOVES this fucking thing.
Even though the show was often obscured by Mark’s on-screen reading material, or switched entirely to watch gay men and hot-bodied young women dance like insane, acrobatic, ballet dervish monkeys, the blinding bright light of suckitude that was “So You Want To Be A Superhero?” managed to shine through. The show is everything you hate about reality TV, except that the people are dressed up like idiots, they’re aren’t any blazing hot chicks with severe mental and emotional disorders, and Stan Lee drops in once every 5 minutes to preach at them. Its mind bogglingly awful, and keep in mind that being a sci-fi and comic book geek, I have 300,000% more reason to like this show than the average viewer. Honestly, its so bad I actually had to go get a Bible and check Revelations just to make sure this wasn’t a sign of the Apocalypse. The only thing that made it worse was when Stan Lee did a makeover on these fuckers, and actually made costumes WORSE than the ones these fucktards had designed for themselves. Jesus Christ, Stan. Jesus fucking Christ.
Anyway, don’t believe a word he tells you: Mark ate this shit UP. He knew all their names and “powers,” he was making predictions, and telling why each of them was or wasn’t a good hero, and he was quoting previous episodes. He knows how bad this show is, and he can say he hates it all he wants, but I will bet you I can drop by his house unannounced and catch him watching it again. I’m sure of it.
August 7th, 2006 at 2:57 pm
Thanks, Mark. Grood? I don’t get it.
August 7th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
Wow…I have to say this is surprisingly accurate. You’ll have to ask PopRox about my quandry last night in watching “Fallen” (about a young nephilim) or going to bed! You will laugh.
And there is a bot message or something on here where you replied “horseshoe ### Grood friends indeed” or something like that. I just thought it was funny. I can’t find it now.
August 7th, 2006 at 3:46 pm
PopRox here (where the fuck did that come from?)
You should have seen him last night – couldn’t sit still because he was so torn between staying up to watch TV and going to bed.
YIKES!
August 7th, 2006 at 4:02 pm
Oh, yeah, “goog to meet you.” Its on the Superman Returns review. It was left by my goog friend ��Ʊ 2561. That’s pronounced “Double Diamond Question Mark Horseshoe 2561,” but around the way we just call him Double-Dime. He’s one bad mutha…
Shut yo mouth!
But I’m just talkin’ bout Double-Dime!
Then we can dig it!
PopRox: from back when you and I were professional dancers, man. From your unequalled and uncanny ability to pop and lock. I can’t believe you don’t remember! Back in the day I was a straight up hip-hop dancer, and PopRox was the rock/swing dancer. We met up and combined our styles. I taught him how to pop and lock like we did on the strizeets, bitches. Soon the student surpassed tha masta. From that day forward, he was known as PopRox, lord of all poppin’ and lockin’, rhythm and rockin’ dance beats, yo!
August 7th, 2006 at 4:02 pm
While you’re on the subject of reality shows, if you ever get a chance I would suggest watching “Extreme Home Makeover” with Mark. He’ll be an emotional basket case before they’re even finished introducing whatever sickly kid they’re exploiting that week. I’ve never seen anyone so emotionly and physically drained by watching an hour long commercial for Sears.
August 7th, 2006 at 4:39 pm
Mark is an absolute trip to watch TV with. We also watched “101 Surgical Disasters” and “101 Things Removed From The Human Body.” I will never get tired of watching Mark watching maggots and roaches and deformed human beings on TV. Its like I get two shows. “101 Things Removed From The Human Body” was pretty fucked up, so Mark was cracking up that I was making the same faces as he was for a change.
There we were in the darkened theater, the climactic battle was approaching, and the Viking queen hands another Viking lady a bunch of knives. Her line was “When the time comes, don’t let them be taken.” She was referring to the villiage children. The Viking women had resolved to kill their own kids rather than let them be taken as slaves or food for the invading cannibals. We were all totally engrossed by the movie, when, out of nowhere, Mark, hand on his heart, tears in his eyes, voice quavering on the verge of sobbing, exclaims “Oh! The fatality!” Everyone near him lost it. It was such a completely weird thing to say when you’re all choked up, but yet it was so clearly, deeply sincere. All we could do was laugh. Here we are watching mothers on the verge of performing mercy killings on their own children, and the whole aisle in the theater is rolling in hysterics. It was awesome.
Hey, Mark, what the hell is a nephilim?
August 7th, 2006 at 8:15 pm
WHAT! You don’t know what a nephilim is? I always forget you haven’t seen all of “The Prophecy” series with Christopher Walken. A nephilim is the offspring of an angel and a human. At least according to these movies…
Oh the fatality!
Mark
August 8th, 2006 at 2:44 pm
I haven’t seen ANY of the Prophecy movies.
August 8th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
ok I’ll through my usless 2 cents in here. When I first saw the previews for this show I thought wow what a bunch of crap. I think I have seen about 5 minutes of the first episode and that was enough for me. I have to agree wholeheartdely with Mark’s review of this. Where the hell did they find these people?
I mean I realize I’m a dork, sci-fi geek or whatever and my friends and family know that, but there is know reason to go flaunting it on national tv. These people are obviously screaming to get beat down in the middle of the street by total strangers just for being completely ate up geeks. Oh wait I’m sorry they have super powers so they should be able to thwart off any attack by running to the security of their Moms’ basements.
If you want to be in a comic book that bad think up some stories, take some art classes and create your own Damn comic book geez.
Secondly is it just me or has Stan Lee officially just lost his damn mind. I mean come on I can’t believe the GodFather of comics is even associated with this crap. Oh wait he must have Steve Martin/Robin Williams disease. Throw a bag of money at me and I’ll do anything. I won’t read the premise or the script and I’ll look like an idiot, but I’ll get my money. Me thinks that Mr. Lee might be few spideys short if you know what I mean.
August 9th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
New plot twist for this hated show this week…The Iron Enforcer was voted off but comes back as a (I think) villan! I can’t wait…I hate this show!
Mark
September 1st, 2006 at 1:23 am
For those of you that are following this thread I’m pleased to announce the show ended last night. It was between Fat Momma and Feedback…Feedback won. He gets a comic book, a made for tv movie on the sci-fi channel and a trip for 2 to Universal Studios.
I would have voted for fat momma!
Mark
September 6th, 2006 at 3:08 pm
What are his “powers”?
September 7th, 2006 at 8:35 pm
He generates electricity or something due to a lab accident.
Fat Momma could grow 5x her size to stomp evil.
Mark
March 22nd, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Hello great post. I thought you might be interested in talking the super hero exam at the website I left above. It will tell you which superhero you. Just a fun thing to do if you have a few minutes.