Sci-Fi-Guys.com Wins Prestigious Indeed! Award
The Sci-Fi Guys are proud to announce that sci-fi-guys.com has won its first award, The Wing Kong Exchange’s Lo Pan Indeed! Award! We made it! Holy shit, we made it!
This is Chris Woodall in the Pork Chop Express, and I’m talkin’ to whoever’s listenin’ out there.
Let’s you and me have a little talk, friend. You just listen to the old Sci-Fi Guy here and take his advice on a dark and stormy night, when the lightning’s crashin’, the thunder’s rollin,’ and the rain’s comin’ down in sheets thick as lead. Just remember what old Chris Woodall does when the earth quakes and the poison arrows fall from the sky and the pillars of heaven shake. Yeah, Chris Woodall just looks that big ol’ storm right square in the eye and he says, “Gimme your best award, pal. I can take it.”
Now I’m not saying that I’ve been everywhere and I’ve done everything, but I do know it’s a pretty amazing planet we live on, and a man would have to be some kind of fool to think we’re alone in this universe. So just when I get to thinking that nobody nowhere gives a damn about this site, along comes Lo Pan of The Wing Kong Exchange.
You meant to tell me you never heard of David Lo Pan? The Wing Kong Exchange?! Now this really pisses me off to no end! All I know is that this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds while he just stands there, waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him, with light coming out of his mouth! And he hands me this Indeed! Award. You calling me a liar? Keep that up and I will have all of you rolled off to the hell where people are skinned alive, it’s that simple, understand?!
You just listen to the Sci-Fi Guy and take his advice on a dark and stormy night. When some wild-eyed, eight foot tall maniac grabs your neck and taps the back of your favorite head up against a barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if you’ve got an Indeed! Award, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye and remember what ol’ Chris Woodall always says at a time like that.
“Have you got an Indeed! Award, Chris?”
“Yes sir, the link is right below.”
SPECIAL COLLECTOR’S EDITION EASTER EGG BONUS FEATURE!!
Since I’m so happy about receiving our first award, I give to you, free of charge, a “Big Trouble In Little China” photo gallery starring David Lo Pan, featuring commentary by me!
All the ladies love Lo Pan’s coy, come-hither, hypnotic demon eyes. Sultry!
left to right:
James Lightning: Best Hair, Metal Shop Welding Team
David Lo Pan: Senior Class President, Best Smile, Most Likely To Rule The Earth From Beyond The Grave
Mike Thunder: Best Personality, Swim Team, Marching Band (tuba)
Peter Rain: Racquetball Team [Captain], Glee Club, Imperial Elemental Black Magic Feng Shui Honor Society [Treasurer]
Photographs courtesy of Glamour Shots and Olan Mills Photography.
June 17th, 2006 at 3:57 am
It is with great pride and happiness that I humbly write this note at 3:27 in the am. I am filled with joy at winning this presitigious award. I feel unworthy and dishonorable but I will do my best to live up to the expectations that come with this recognition.
Actually, just what was required to win this award? When are you going to change my profile on here?
Mark
June 19th, 2006 at 9:32 am
That is AWESOME!
It is a real honor to have our work recognized by our peers.
I personally would like to take this opportunity and say: Congratulations to Chris and Quentin, the creators of the SCI FI GUYS website! You guys have done an outstanding job getting this site up and running.
June 19th, 2006 at 2:59 pm
Because I like pictues of angry magical Asians, the gallery continues. And there was much rejoicing!
Impromptu shot of the Storms just before repelling yet another Mongol invasion in 1103 B.C. This picture was taken during Lo Pan’s early career, and lacks the refinement of his later photography. Note the graininess of the shot, indicative of improper lighting and use of a film speed inappropriate to shutter setting. Lo Pan would eventually perfect his art under the tutelage of Ansel Adams, whom he was forced to have slain in the Hell Of The Upside-Down Sinners in 1984, after a drunken Adams became insolent.
“Kids today; so soft and spoiled! When I was your age, there was no Jesus! We had to pray to rivers, and dragons, and the sun, and the two-tailed fox goddess of the forest, and we liked it!”
“You see this?”
“This is nothing.”
The nervous groom forgets his vows at the wedding. You pierce her flesh for the blood ceremony after the Test Of The Burning Blade, Dave!
His lovely young bride Miao Yin helped him throught the difficulty. She’s a keeper, Dave! Way to go!
Lightning gets his arc on.
Rain, a notorious fetishist, admires his new strapless bondage gag ball, a particularly thoughtful groomsman gift from the ex-bachelor Lo Pan.
Wedding photo and honeymoon postcard.
June 19th, 2006 at 3:53 pm
This is great! I always loved Big Trouble in Little China. So am I finally gonna get paid? Is my check in the mail? I swear I’m going to write reviews of the original King Kong on the big screen, the first season of the Wild Wild West (1960’s TV show) and the Nochi Dozor DVD. Please don’t beat me anymore
June 19th, 2006 at 6:54 pm
Thanks for posting, babe. You are to be rewarded.
The beatings will not cease, but their severity will be greatly lessened as a result of your attentiveness to the site.
Besides, I know you like the beatings. At least a little.
June 19th, 2006 at 6:58 pm
See how that text in my comment with pics is bold? Isn’t supposed to be. It just suddenly popped up bold and I can’t get it to go away. I even deleted it and replaced it. Its still fucking there.
We use WordPress for this site. WordPress sucks cocks in Hell. Its always breaking and being a pain in the ass. I don’t know if all XHTML editors are like this, but fucking damn it, you’d think there would be a way to make it at least a little less unstable.
I know this isn’t going to mean much to too many people, but WordPress generates seemingly random tags and commands. Its like it was designed specifically to piss me right the fuck off on a daily basis. I wish code could feel pain. ‘Cause I’d fucking torture it.
June 21st, 2006 at 10:45 am
Who says it can’t feel pain? Maybe it’s realted to HAL or SkyNet or some other fucked up sci-fi computer program that took on human qualities and turned on it’s creators in the end. I’d watch my back with this thing if I were you.
June 21st, 2006 at 12:32 pm
Hey, we’re finally on the listing over at wingkong.net as one of the Indeed! Award winners. INDEED!
Yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe I should get rid of this site before it grows too powerful and destroys us all. Or, I could film it destroying us all, put that footage on The Sci-Fi Guys, and win a Pulitzer or Emmy. Assuming any of those institutions survive the wrath of sci-fi-guys.com’s bloody rampage across the face of the globe.
Perhaps I could program a Directive 4 so that it is impossible for the raging monster that will be sci-fi-guys.com to destroy me and certian select media institutions which may find my footage worthy. I’ll also program a small but fatal Achille’s heel into the system, so that I am the only one who can defeat it, allowing me to immortalize myself as the savior of mankind and champion of humanity. And I’ll film the whole damn thing.
You know, ’cause I’m always looking out for good material for the show.
June 22nd, 2006 at 12:55 pm
Or your future self could time travel to now and help your current self destroy the thing. Then you could do an interview with yourself for the show!
June 23rd, 2006 at 10:33 am
David Lo Pan reminds of Rasputin.
June 23rd, 2006 at 10:33 am
Not that I knew him personally.
June 23rd, 2006 at 4:34 pm
Well, I did know Rasputin personally, and he was a darling person with many nice qualities and a lovely singing voice. So, yes, he was a lot like Lo Pan. Here are some pics I took of Rasputin - Greg Dawg to us friends - shortly before the Revolution.
“Does this psychotic beard and old peasant woman’s dress make my tummy look big?”
Rasputin, in church with hymnal. Greg Dawg later used the burning pages of the hymnal to roast the fingers of the preist whom had told him to repent for his sins. You should’ve seen the look on that guy’s face; NONE of us saw that one coming!
The final picture I took of him, toasting at the infamous Tau Kappa Delta formal - you know, the one that kinda got out of control toward the end. Rasputin had convinced an entire table full of sorority girls that he was drinking an invisible glass of ephemeral angel’s blood. He got more chicks that way…
I miss you, Greg Dawg. You still my boy. We tight. One love.
June 26th, 2006 at 1:50 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE IT! I was always tighter with Little Nikki R. though, N. Dawg II as he was also known, he was a straight up G. Too bad those bastards run by that Cristal hatin mother fucker L. Unit had to come up and straight trip the party YO!
June 26th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
True dat. Word.
January 30th, 2007 at 7:13 am
Sweet picture……with great work…….and care….excellent performance….I wish you to get many good awards!
Don Lapre Zach
January 30th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Thanks, Zach. We’re always glad to see new faces. Thanks for checking out our site.
Speaking of which, I checked out your site. Nice pyramid scheme you got goin’ there, buddy. Not only is it a shady business, but its one built on hocking fake medicine. Wow, you’re really just the absolute definition of a snake-oil selling scumbag, aren’t you? I hope you get lots of quick cash from this; hopefully you’ll invest it wisely and it will accrue some interest… while you’re in prison.
By the way, I’ve removed your links from this site. I have never censored any comment on this site before, and I feel like I owe it to you and all my other readers to explain why I am doing so now: I don’t dig hucksters and carpetbaggers trying to sell questionable meds or get-rich-quick schemes to people who just might be naive or desperate enough to fall for it, and I’m damn sure not going to make it easy for you to lure any of my readers in that direction. There are people I love a great deal who read this site, and I won’t have them funneled toward anything I think might be harmful to them. I can’t stop you from shilling, but I can stop you from shilling through my site.
I meant what I said before; I really do love to see new people around here, and whether my tone makes it impossible for you to believe this or not, I honestly appreciate you taking the time to check out our site and leave a comment. But links of this kind aren’t welcome here. You’re free to post here any time you like, but don’t ever link this kind of shit on my site again.
If anyone wants to know more about the site in question that I have such a problem with, the address is www [dot] don [dash] lapre [dash] news [dot] com.
January 30th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Did a little more investigation of this Don Lapre character and his companies. He operates out of Arizona, and is a world class piece of shit. Since it was just the vitamin thing that I removed Zach’s link to, here’s a little info along those lines:
THE GREATEST VITAMIN IN THE WORLD
TORICA PRODUCTIONS
UNIVERSAL BUSINESS STRATEGIES
THE GREATEST VITAMINS
THE TITANIUM GROUP
GUARANTEEDTRAFFIC [dot] COM
GREATEST VITAMIN IN THE WORLD
NATURAL CURES BOOK
I’m certain there are others, but they aren’t listed. Not that I’m shocked to find this, but Lapre’s business has an unsatisfactory rating with the BBB due to a HUGE list of complaints. Click here to read it.
There’s also concern from the medical community about the fact that Lapre claims that the “Greatest Vitamin In The Word can treat, cure, prevent, or mitigate diabetes, stroke, heart disease, insomnia, cancer, arthritis, and other diseases. As of 2005, the Department of Health and Human Services and the FDA has ordered the company to stop making these claims. In their words: “Your products are not generally recognized as safe and effective for the above referenced conditions.” You can check out the communications yourself; just click for the .pdf’s of the warnings from 2005 and 2006. Also click here to read the real medical scoop on the shit he sells, written by Timothy Quill, M.D., and Stephen Barrett, M.D.
Lastly, you can click here to check out the complaints of over a hundred people who’ve lost thousands of dollars to this business/medical scam.
March 19th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
each visit it becomes more and more pleasant to me. It is felt at once, that professionals work at the site! It is such an unusual occurrence nowadays!
Chris’s Note: Most unabashed ass-kissing spam message yet. I’m keeping it.
March 23rd, 2007 at 1:46 am
Good Job
August 21st, 2007 at 4:02 pm
Hello
Not bad at all!
Bye
Chris’s note: I’m fairly certain this is spam, but its getting harder and harder to tell. If you’re a real person, tolikimer, then you’ve got one fucked up email address.
October 25th, 2007 at 11:25 am
Old Scifi is the bomb! I grew up watching that stuff all the time.
October 30th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Vintage, I just got the chance to check out your site. Awesome stuff! I also grew up watching the oldies.
As a child of the 70s, I was weaned on Star Trek and Star Wars, but as I grew up I delved deeper and deeper into the shelves of my local video rental place, and I got my hands on a lot of classic stuff other people my age never saw. I was a HUGE fan of the 1953 version of War Of The Worlds, and when they made a TV show out of it in the late 80s, I never missed an episode. I’m with you; old sci-fi is the bomb.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
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August 27th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
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August 27th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
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August 27th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Hi!
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